


Waiting For You

by Kylokrumbs



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics), The Force Awakens - Fandom, The Last Jedi, The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Angst, Depictions of sexual violence, Dom-kylo, Manipulation, Multi, Nightmares, Smut, Sub-reader, Violence, blood/gore, profanities, talk of metal illness, undesired behaviour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 68,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylokrumbs/pseuds/Kylokrumbs
Summary: Anger.When you experience physical and emotional distress, anger strongly motivates you to do something about it.What you lack is someone to simply teach you that anger is power, something you have always felt but never been able to grasp.A familiar feeling bubbling in your chest and begging to be set free.He feels it too...
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Character/Character, Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 65





	1. Green with envy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This is the first chapter of new fic and I hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Please pay attention to the chapter warnings as you have been warned, they will be present at the beginning of each chapter to further warn you.

You envied the people surrounding you.

Their lives were nothing more then a blur of chaos, loss and disappointment but they rarely let it show. Having loved ones ripped away from their very arms and never letting an angry tear fall, never acting upon their natural instincts to incite revenge. 

You envied them. 

They fought a constant losing battle, more casualties by the day and yet they pushed through. Less and less ships returned to base but it was okay because they took down an enemy TIE fighter or two, in their eyes it was worth it.

A growing, swirling mass of destruction stood between the resistance and freedom.

In your eyes, they were stupid.

So many missed opportunities to gain an advantage lost because they still held onto razor thin morals. Prisoners of war reconditioned to meet a new purpose when in reality they deserved no remorse, they didn't deserve the very air they breathed.

Valuable First Order intel lost because the general was too soft.

General Organa was too soft.

  
This was all bullshit.

So there you sat, back pressed firmly against a moss covered tree trunk. Furiously scuffing and scrubbing away at the grime that littered your saber, the stale cloth not doing much to clean the weapon but mostly just spreading the muck.

You were in a time out.

A fucking time out.

22 years of age and your general had sent you to take some time to cool off. This wasn't anything new, actually it was a pretty regular occurrence. 

Apparently being picked up by the resistance as a teenager meant that you owed them something. Even though you didn't ask them to help, you would have happily been left wandering the barren wasteland of ice that was Hoth.  
Well, maybe you had been grateful that you weren't left to freeze to death along with your nerf herder brother.

But that didn't mean that you wanted to be drafted as some sort of resistance apprentice. Much less fight for a lost cause.

The vast jungle and flow of fresh greenery calmed your senses, almost. You could feel the dull pulse of life surrounding you.

From the roots of the trees to the tips of the leaves, you could feel the energy travelling steadily through the appendages. That's as far as the feeling went though, never being more then a quite hum in your ear drums.

Setting your grime smudged lightsaber next to your thigh on the ground, you placed your palms flat to the earth. Searching, sensing..feeling.

Nothing.

It felt like the strange source of energy would call to you, poke and prod at the fibres of your mind until you snapped, finally acknowledging it but alas when you chose to pay attention to the energy it simply vanished.

It was taunting you.

You never spoke about this feeling with anyone, they thought you were blurrg-shit crazy already. If you told them you were now trying to communicate with trees then they definitely wouldn't acknowledge you anymore then they do now.

Honestly, they were scared of you. And you knew it. You liked it.

You can only have so many near misses with killing prisoners and from time to time comrades without getting a name for yourself. Yet the general stuck her neck out for you to save your skin, you still didn't understand why. Something about you surviving to serve your purpose and fulfil your destiny. 

Whatever the fuck that meant.

In all your years with the resistance you never felt like you belonged, you never felt that your presence supplied a solidified aid to the cause.

Honestly, you didn't want to help them.

They're stupidity and blatant weakness unnerved you to your core, the anger simmering and boiling over on more then one occasion when the objectives were so clear and within the resistance grasp, yet the general couldn't bare to end a few enemy lives.

What was she so fucking scared of?

The committee didn't take well to your colourful outbursts of rebellion. Ordering you to be stripped of your lightsaber and left back where they found you, of course you wouldn't let that happen but you'd certainly let them die in the process.

Again the general came to your aid and assured the committee you were just having a rough day.

A rough day.

Everyday had been a rough day for the last 6 years.

No one acknowledged your discontent with the resistance. Merely noting it down as an abnormal personality trait, they were just scared of losing you to the other side.

At least, that's what you told yourself.

The other side. Hmm.

You hated to admit that on more then one occasion you had put yourself in the perspective of the First Order.

Constantly curious of how they ran their operations, they clearly weren't trigger shy like the general. You had seen that for yourself on multiple occasions. They didn't feel like they had to justify their actions, continuing to commit to a mission and worry about consequences later.

The danger intrigued you.

Just how much did the First Order troops get away with?

Did they get punished for killing a civilian by mistake?

Even if they were in the crossfire?

You highly doubted it.

Everything they did sent a message, showed a display of discipline and dominance at the same time.

You had heard stories around the camp fires at the base about the infamous commander.

Kylo Ren

You would be lying if you said he didn't intrigue you too. You knew exactly who he was, who he was before the First Order. Hearing stories of the masked beasts peaked your curiosity in more ways then one.

Just how did he manage to get away from all of this?

"Verena."

Hearing your name fall past your superiors lips had the baby hairs on the back on your neck stood to attention. Bright cerulean eyes meeting hazel.

"General."

Your lightsaber had never been more interesting, picking up the device to twirl mindlessly in your fingers.

"I believe you owe the committee another apology."

Her emphasis on the word "another" snapped another hair-line thread of your sanity. Ouch.

"I believe that I don't owe them anything. They simply fail to see things from my perspective, they couldn't possibly comprehend my opinions since all they do is sit around dictating who deserves to be sent to their death next. It's me that has to watch it unfold and clean up the mess they send us all into."

"That's enough."

The old bag didn't look impressed. For years you had tried so hard to become close with the general, your brother saw her as a mother you never had. Doing everything in his being to feel validated by her, to feel like his work meant something. To feel like he meant something to anyone other then his sister.

But you never could, you just felt a dark aura swelling in the pit of your stomach when you were around her, she reeked of guilt. But she wore her fake smiles well, you hadn't yet grown the balls to confront her and you didn't think you ever would.

She had too many people under her thumb.

Her harsh tone cut through you like a hot knife to butter, slicing any shred of cocky confidence you had.

"You need to understand the bigger picture child. They see you as a threat, and you have given them no evidence to show them that you are anything otherwise. This behaviour has gone on for too long and I can't help you anymore."

You rolled her words around your mouth, assessing and analysing them. They left a bitter taste on your palate.

Deep down you wanted them to fear you, you wanted them to question your motivation and your loyalty.

The dark aura that had surfaced 6 years ago only grew more tangible by the day. It's suffocating pressure threatening to cut all ties to the light that you miserably tried to cling onto.

Leia sensed it. That familiar gut wrenching feeling of dread clawed at her mind constantly, just like she had sensed it in her own son the last time she saw him. She believed that she could save you, redeem herself for her past mistakes.

"I never asked to be part of this war, None of us did. We've been forced to fight a lost cause and watch our friends die all because of some fight for freedom that we'll never get!"

You were angry. Never in your life had anyone tried to understand you, truly understand that your head and your heart were not one in the same. Your own brother didn't even want to hear what you had to say, he insisted you were just spiteful because of his relationship with the general.

wrongo.

No one had ever asked what you wanted. What your heart truly longed for was a purpose, to gain power to be able to make a difference.

Wether it be for the good or bad, you wanted to move forward and never look back.

"Enough!"

Your frame towered over the general, although you weren't very tall she was certainly smaller then you. You didn't remember when you had moved to stand or when you wrapped your fingers in a vice like grip around the hilt of your saber.

Anger clouded your vision and your mind couldn't catch up with the instinctual movements of you body. Chest heaving and breath erratic you glared down at Leia, searching her dark hazel orbs for any answers that could enlighten your hazy existence. Her eyes held sorrow, guilt, shame.

She wasn't afraid of you, even if you could kill her just by igniting your saber at this very moment she wasn't afraid.

"Why aren't you scared of me like the rest of them are? Why don't you give them their wish and send me back to Hoth? Why do you still keep me here when you know I can't help you in this war?!"

The sound of skin hitting skin pierced your ears, your left cheek stung from the impact of her palm and hot tears threatened to fall past your waterline.

Did she just?

Now it was the General's turn to become erratic. Her breathing faltered and she sucked in a deep breath past her thin lips.

Her eyes widened upon realisation of what she had done and her hazel eyes glossed over.

The air caught in your throat as you chocked back a broken sob. You wouldn't let her see you cry, searching her eyes one last time you saw the same raw emotion you felt reflecting back at you. Disappointment.

Without stumbling you turned and ran. Ignoring the general calling your name and avoiding the thick shrubbery surrounding you, dodging low fallen trees. Your lungs burned and the cool air stung your cheeks, rough vegetation agitated your legs as you brushed through it but the pain was minuscule compared to the hit your pride had taken.

Your mind convulsed with so many feelings and emotions. You were angry, really fucking angry. After everything you had done for the general and the resistance, she still treated you as though you were a child. You had taken countless lives, wether you were ordered to or not you had still done it. Delicate hands bathed in the spilled blood of war and they would never be clean, your teenage years ripped away from you all because you showed talented wielding a laser sword.

Part of you was angry because you never wanted any part of this war, you didn't want to choose a side to fight for at all. But the other side of you, the real side of you, wanted more. Wanted the galaxy to bow at your feet for all their wrong doings, for how they treated people like you.

They feared people like you. All because they didn't understand you, and they didn't want to understand you. Being in the presence of someone that held raw untamed power scared people, they didn't know wether they were fighting with you or against you.

You didn't know the answer to that either.

Whose side were you truly on?

The resistance had barely scratched the surface on any developments moving forward in the war in the last year, meanwhile the First Order gained momentum everyday. New weapons, new nations, new troops, new alliances.

You envied them.

You envied the First Order.

They were praised for their developments and ideas, praised for showing no mercy, praised for using power for their own advantage. The black mass churning inside of you grew darker and darker by the day.

An unfamiliar pull to the deepest depth of your resentment to the resistance sat on your chest, begging to be acknowledged.

Still sprinting with no destination, the heaving of your chest became too much and the cold air lodged in your oesophagus. Bracing yourself on a thick tree stump your emotions became too much, boiling tears spilling from eyes and thick pools of snot fell from your nostrils. Your small frame wracked with heavy sobs as you finally let the built up tension expel from your body, the sound echoing in the thick jungle around you.

...

"General! You called for me, everything okay?"

The tall male scratched the silvery hair at the back of his head, bright blue eyes squinting from the golden rays shining through the dense leaves.

"Oh! Henri I'm afraid it's your sister, she's-"

The young male cut her off.

"With all due respect ma'am if she's run off again to have a temper tantrum in the woods I don't feel like playing chase today. I'm still waiting for my uniform to be stitched back up from last time."

The man's soft features became ridged and his caring eyes held a stern seriousness to them despite his tone of voice.

He'd had enough of this. 

"I understand my boy but...I need you to get to her before someone else does."


	2. Calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running away from the General you get caught in a storm. 
> 
> Being stubborn as ever you refuse to go back to the resistance base and instead try to avoid the torrential downpour.
> 
> That is until your swept off your feet...literally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and enjoy! 
> 
> Chapter warnings apply!

It was raining.   
  


Of course it was fucking raining!   
  
If there was anything that could greatly destroy your already fragile mood it was definitely the vile weather. It wasn’t that you hated the rain, it was actually enjoyable.  
You’d lost count of how many times you’d stepped out of your bunk into the slashing rain to cleanse your mind and wash the growing tension from your sore muscles. 

but the heavy beat down of unyielding icy torrents was not the type of rain you enjoyed. It was brutal and stung your eyes with each drop that came. Your milky clothing stuck to your body like a second skin, leaving nothing beneath to the imagination. Goosebumps littered your supple skin and your teeth chattered to the point you thought they might shatter.   
  


Keeping your lightsaber held close to your chest at least gave you the feeling of sentimental warmth. It had been the only thing your parents had left you with, if you could even call them parents. Hazy memories looked like opening your eyes underwater, silhouettes there but unclear to the naked eye. You certainly remembered more then your brother did but it still wasn’t enough information to go off of.  
You assumed they were dead or close to it, you tried not to care. 

They did leave you after all. 

...

”Verena!”   
  


Nothing.   
  


“Ve-ve come on I know you’re there you little shit!”   
  


Still nothing.   
  


“That little bitch I swear to the maker I’m going to kill her when I find her!”   
  


The towering male ran a calloused hand down his face in frustration. What was up with you?   
  


Despite being related to you by blood and being the only family he had he still felt like the two of you were worlds apart.  
The only similarities the two of you bared were the silvery locks and cerulean blue eyes.

That was about it. You couldn’t have been any more different personality wise, Henri was up for absolutely anything. Constantly putting everyone else’s lives before his own, risking everything he had to to give the resistance and his comrades a fighting chance.   
  


Although he wasn’t naturally blessed in certain skills like you were he worked hard so that he wouldn’t fall behind his peers. Being incompatible to wield a lightsaber meant that he had to find his strengths in other areas, turns out he was darn good at fixing and flying spacecrafts. He didn’t fight hands on like you did but he didn’t mind that at all, confrontation was never his forte.   
  


It seemed that the two of you were growing more and more distant by the day. Whispers about you traveled across the resistance mess hall and around the bunks at night. Unfortunately your brother was in the middle of it all, He thought it was unfair that the truth was certainly being stretched but he hated to admit that he kind of agreed. You were an unpredictable spitfire that had a temper as short as the nail on his pinky finger, you constantly lashed out and lost control and on more then one occasion had hurt people. Wether you were training or simply minding your own business one wrong look from someone rubbed you up the wrong way, just last week you sent someone to the infirmary with a broken nose.   
  


He tried to stick up for you when people questioned you, he tried to explain that you just expressed your feelings the only way you had been taught to. Through violence. 

and he was right.   
  


Since joining the resistance the only way you had been taught to channel your emotions had been through the hilt of your saber or the barrel of a blaster. You showed fighting potential early on and Leia had you train morning and night to prepare you.   
All those years of special treatment you got from Leia and you weren’t even grateful for it.   
  


It made your brother sick to his stomach.   
He would have chopped off his own limb to be in your position, being given guidance from one of the galaxies best. And you couldn’t have looked more bored if you tried, constantly yawning or paying attention to anything other then the general.   
  


He should have been given the saber not you.   
He loved you but he hated that you had everything he could have ever wanted right at your finger tips.   
Yet all you did was get angry and scream and cry and blame everyone else for your wavering sanity.   
  


These days the two of you only spoke when the general lost control and needed your brother to pick up the pieces. You were just growing further apart from everyone, including your only flesh and blood.   
  


A loud crack of thunder echoed above Henri’s head and vibrated off the tall trees. The sound startling him and causing as yelp to get trapped in his throat, he was a big boy and there was no way he was about to admit he was scared of thunder.  
Just as the thundering ceased the growing sound of showering rain spread across the thick vegetation, bouncing off of the leaves and drenching the already soft ground.   
  


“Shit! I need to find her and quick.”   
  


He wasn’t about to let either of you get sick.   
Now taking care of a sick asshole was not on his to-do list.   
  


Sheets of cascading water droplets clouded his vision as the sky continued to grow darker, the setting sun drifting down to further incase the land before his eyes in an opaque blanket.   
  


You never stayed out this long. Something was wrong, very wrong.   
  


...

Searching for any form of shelter you found yourself sat under a bush type growth, not doing much to shelter you from the rain but at least breaking the chilly breeze that tore through your body.   
You had no idea just how far away from base you were, from what you could see through the showers you didn’t recognise your surroundings.   
  


Fuck.   
  


Your small frame convulsed as the cold liquid seeped further into your bones, the cold air biting at your cheeks causing them to form a rosy glow. You tried to blink away the droplets that settled on your lashes but it was futile, the aching of your cold body was still second to the aching of your heart. It felt like you were literally being torn in two, equally the light and dark fighting for domination. 

Then you felt it. 

That familiar poking at your mind, this time it was more noticeable. Like you could almost reach out and touch it if you wished to, the pleasant warmth of it comforted you as you closed your eyes and tried to focus on it.   
Splashes of faint images danced across your vision as you delved deeper into the strange energy, at first dipping a toe in before letting your whole body become encased in the feeling. It was intoxicating, in that moment your path was clear, individual stepping stones placed before your feet that showed you exactly where you were meant to go from here.   
  


Before you could register what was happening a sharp pain tore through you, grasping at your mind and squeezing it as if it were a shuura fruit. The phantom torment caused a scream to rip through your throat and hot tears to simmer in your eyes. You couldn’t pin point what was real and what wasn’t, your whole body felt numb but your head was swimming. More images flooded your mind but they were different to the ones before, they were deeper, darker, clearer.   
  


A tall dark throne shrouded in black.   
A pulsing red glow illuminated the room against the dark walls and floor. 

Then you saw yourself. Sat upon the throne, raw power swirled in your eyes and your whole body looked different yet frightfully similar.   
Instead of your eyes looking tired they looked full of life and purpose, your sunken cheeks were now full and healthily plump. The silver hilt of your saber was replaced with dark metal, highlighting the crimson details that adorned it.   
  


The images flashed over your mind in intervals , each one coming closer and closer to feeling like reality. Too close. 

The image in front of you grew dark.   
Whispers swam in your ears but you couldn’t understand the tongue, it sounded familiar. 

Pitch black. Then...

A hand.   
  


A large, gloved hand extended in front of you.   
No body was attached to the hand but rather just lingered in the darkness. The sound of taut leather flexing over knuckles stung your ears in the deathly silence, you didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. Body not responding but mind more active then it had ever been before. You wanted to reach out. You wanted to grasp the hand and never let go, let them lead you down the path you knew you were destined to follow. The familiar force pulled you stronger then it had ever done before, calling out to you and caressing your whole mind while bathing it in a warmth that you had never felt before in your life.   
  


“Don’t worry. I feel it too.”

A deep guttural voice lingered in your ears.   
  


Pitch black. For real this time.   
  


Quicker then the visions had appeared they vanished.

  
Your consciousness leaving with them.  
  
Your light clothing was now coated with wet mud and fallen leaves and your hair stuck to the thin layer of sweat on your forehead.   
Breathing now even and calm in your state of unconsciousness, your mind was blank as you laid there under the growing darkness. Dried tears now streaked against your fair cheeks and your saber hung loosely from your numb fingers.   
  


...

Henri didn’t think his anxiety could sky rocket any higher then it already had. Dread seeping into his pores as he desperately tried to find any sign of you, anything that would lead him to where you were sulking.   
  


After hearing the General radio through about a disturbance in the atmosphere he needed to find you and find you fast before someone else did.   
  


Had the general known someone was coming?   
  


He replayed her words in his head over and over again as he ran through the dense shrubs and jumped fallen logs. He didn’t doubt the general but he knew she was wise, how could she predict something like this? Not even the First Order had been able to find there base.   
  


So who was here?   
  


His lungs burned and his chest heaved heavily as he came to a stop, assessing his next route to take as he came to a small clearing in the trees. He had never explored this far from the base before, he had no doubt you could help him find his way back once he found you.   
  


As the tall male scanned his surrounding he heard a faint whirring in the distance. His engineer ears sensed it was coming from a small shuttle type ship from the sound of the thrusters.   
  


Shit!   
  


He stumbled on his own feet as he tried to pick up his speed, panting heavily and fighting back the tears that sat on his waterline.   
He was panicking right now. You had never ran this far, and nearing nightfall. The sound of a strangers ship was the icing on the rotten cake.   
  


Stopping again before quickly picking up the sound again and following it, he pressed a small button located on his belt.   
  


His distress signal.   
  


It felt like his calves were burning and his shins were splintering but he had to get to you.   
  


He had to protect you.   
  


... 

“Sir we have-“ 

“Quite.”

The hulking mass of black stepped off of the shuttle. Flexing his gloved fists as his robes fluttered behind him, a stormtrooper each on his left and right flank.  
Not that he needed them. 

He had sensed it.  
A call to the darkness, a delicious and exhilarating pull in the force had led him here. 

For months he had a nagging pain at the back of his mind, almost like he had forgotten something. Yet whenever he tapped into it the strange feeling was gone, it was taunting him. He brushed it off and ignored it. 

That was until today, an immense pressure had weighed on his chest until it was too much for him to bare. Retreating to his quarters to tear off the multiple layers that suffocated him, a ripple of pleasure and pain ripping through him in waves.  
Then came the visions. They were all the same, him sat on a glorious throne of darkened spears as the fall of the resistance is claimed as his own, but he’s not alone. 

On a separate throne next to his own sat a young woman. A beautiful young woman, her silver hair framing her face and flowing down her back, her bright blue eyes that shone with a tedious thread of danger and playfulness. The black robes were tight in all the right places, accentuating her curves and hugging her figure.  
Although they sat 5 feet apart he had never felt so close to someone. His very life force flowed through her as it did him and vice versa. He could feel every breath she took and hear every thought she had.   
  


It all felt so real.   
  


His bare chest was caked in sweat and his lungs struggled to accommodate the ragged intake of breaths.   
  


He had to find her.   
  


A small flicker in the force and then he sensed you.

You led him here. Your mind was so open and vulnerable to him, he couldn’t not take the chance. The force flowed from you in waterfalls and one grasp of his hand on your mind and he read you like a book, you had shared in his visions. Well most of them. 

  
“She’s here. I can feel it. Find her.”

The two white bucket heads didn’t need telling twice, with a flick of the commander’s wrist they spread around the shuttle in search of you.   
  


It didn’t take long. Your white clothing and silvery hair stood out against the dull backdrop of the forest.   
  


“Supreme Leader! Over here!”   
  


Kylo Ren spun on his heel in a flash, his long robes following in his flowing movements as he strode over to the kneeling trooper.   
The shrubbery you had taken shelter under had shielded your body from sight for the most part. But it was you. No doubt about it.   
  


“Move.”   
  


Standing to attention the trooper practically jumped away from your seemingly lifeless body.   
  


Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, was speechless.   
  


Laid partially on your side with your legs tucked up into yourself. The thin wet material of your sheer robes didn’t do much to cover your dignity, your hands clasped together holding your saber close to your chest. Delicate freckles adorned your rosey cheeks and complimented your complexion.   
You were more beautiful then his visions.   
  
He noticed your tear stained cheeks and the mellowing out of your breathing.He almost felt bad for violating your mind like that. Almost.

His favourite sight was your icy hair sprawled out on the ground beneath you.  
How would it looked sprawled out over his pillows?   
  


Without a second thought he knelt on one knee at your side and pulled you into his chest, lifting you into his arms and cradling you like a child.   
The saber fell from your grasp but he ordered a trooper to retrieve it.

You were weightless in his arms and your frame was so much smaller then his.   
  


A protective fire poisoned his veins as he felt your body against his. He wouldn’t let anyone else get this close to you. They’d die trying. 

  
“Ready my ship.”

In one swift movement the infamous killer retreated back to his ship holding you steady in his arms and squeezing you against his chest.   
  


Just as he neared the ship a blaster shot hit the metal frame of the shuttle’s ramp, merely a few feet away from you and Kylo.   
  


Turning his head Kylo met familiar cerulean orbs through his visor. A tall man with hair and eyes identical to your own was stood by a clearing, blaster ready in his shaky hands as his face contorted into a snarl.  
A growl ruptured in his throat at the sight before him, you unconscious in the arms of Kylo Ren.   
  


“Give me back my fucking sister you monster!”   
  


Kylo was taken back at the man’s boldness, clearly outnumbered and ill trained in combat yet he was dancing with the devil.   
  


Turning back to face the ramp of his ship, the commanders words were modified through his mask and they held no emotion.   
  


“Kill him.”   
  


Without acknowledging the scene behind him he continued onto the ship. Content upon hearing a single blaster shot and a substantial thud of added weight to the mud clad ground.   
  
Resistance scum.   
  


He felt your weight shift in his arms but you didn’t stir, only rubbing your cheek further into the warmth of his chest.   
  


If it wasn’t so cold and dead his heart might have skipped at beat. 


	3. You don’t know who I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your body felt numb but your mind felt alive. 
> 
> The first thing you see when you wake up is the cold gaze of the Supreme Leader’s dark metal mask. 
> 
> Is this even real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Kudos and thank you for reading!
> 
> This is my first real fic and I’m still in the process of editing so there are some spelling and grammar mistakes but they will be fixed soon! 
> 
> Chapter warnings apply and happy reading! 
> 
> Also sorry that this chapter is a little shorter then usual!

The silky smooth sheets surrounding your body felt like a warm kiss against your skin, the crisp coldness against your bare flesh causing goosebumps to form.

You had never slept so peacefully before.   
Not a doubt or worry on your mind, feeling completely free of any negative thoughts weighing you down. The slumber was dreamless and was simply just an empty void that you found yourself lost in, truly only focusing on the only being that mattered.   
  


Yourself.   
  


Stirring out of your peaceful drowse your lids fluttered open, slowly adjusting to the shrouded darkness of the room. The glass panel of the window showcasing the stars did little to illuminate your vision.   
Who the hell had a window that big?

How did you get here?

  
who’s bunk was this? 

Rubbing the sleep from your sore eyes   
they drifted down and landed on your semi-bare chest, a simple white cloth type wrap being the only thing shielding your chest from the world.   
  


“How the fuck?” Your voice came out in a groggy whisper as the sleepiness still pulsed through your body. 

  
A low mechanical chuckle snapped you from your wondering thoughts, your eyes immediately locating the source seated at a desk across the room from where you were still in the bed. Swiftly clawing at the silken sheets to cover your breasts from the masks eyes, you didn’t back down however. Matching his gaze tenfold and not looking away. He simply chuckled again.   
  


Did he take your clothes? Did he bring you here? Where exactly was here?   
  


Had he seen you naked?   
  


“I had a nurse droid check you over and change you out of those wet clothes, don’t worry. I had other matters to attend to on our arrival.”   
  


Holy fuck he’s in my head...shit

You swallowed audibly, the tension growing more and more tangible between the two of you. Wanting to speak so desperately but not being able to find the right words, so many questions ran rampant through your head.   
Doubts flashed through your mind and you couldn’t help but think of all the unimaginable things the First Order had in store for you.   
  


You were their enemy after all. Of course they bought you here to kill you.   
  


That same low sound bounced off of the durasteel walls, a condescending laugh coming from the dark beast sat across the room.   
  


“Cute. You’re not here to die, quite the opposite actually. I came to wake you up but I have other business to take care of, there are clothes in that box for you and feel free to freshen up in the room down the hall. I will be back to speak with you soon enough so I expect you to think about why you’re here.”   
  


His tone sounded harsh through the modifier of his mask but deep from within you could sense the content of his voice, relaxed almost. His stern orders sounded more like a request in you ears, you knew who he was and you weren’t about to get yourself killed.   
  


“Y-yes sir.”   
  


Oh stars above you’re fucking stuttering now!   
  


The dark robed figure stood from his chair and was hovering over you within a few steps. You squeezed your eyes closed as tight as you could, the warmth radiated off of him and danced across your bare skin. The sound of his breathing through the moderator was too close for comfort, his large body pinning you to the bed with your head between his long thick arms.   
Still desperately trying to cling to the sheets to avoid being exposed to him, your breath caught in your throat as you tried to move.   
  
  


“So vulnerable. You’ve been exposed to me in a much more desirable way then just your body, although I can’t tell you I haven’t been tempted. Your entire mind is mine to wander. Like putty in my hands for me and me alone to control, every little woven detail so simply undone. I know exactly who you are, the things you’ve done and the people you’ve hurt.”   
  


Hey!

Your cerulean eyes snapped open at the latter statement, glaring daggers into the visor of his mask. Any sign of submission washed away along with your temper and patience, you hadn’t hurt anyone...not on purpose. Most of the time.   
Just because you wanted change didn’t mean you were a bad person, you just wanted a fulfilling purpose in life. That was all.   
  


“I d-do not hurt people! You’re a liar! I’m a good person! Just because I want a change doesn’t make me evil...I’m..I’m not like you!”   
  


Teeth grinding and lip bitten back into a snarl you tried not to falter in your words, you were literally laid beneath a monster. A murderer. 

The leather fists at either side of your head clenched and the sound of leather stretching reverberated in your ears, the closeness of him was lighting a spark in you that you didn’t know you had anymore.   
You tried swallowing the feeling but it was sat on the tip of your tongue, threatening to spill over at any moment.   
  


You didn’t want him to notice.   
  


“Oh little one. You and I both know that we are exactly the same, I know you feel it too. Just as I feel how much you’re enjoying this right now.”

You thought you could hear the smirk in his tone through the mask. This fucker.   
  


“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m nothing like you!”   
  


Teeth still grinding against each other you tried to clear your mind, tried not to give him anything to pick up on. You failed.   
  
  


Moving his hands away from your head he sat back on his calves so he was straddling your thighs. Gloved digits moved to the side of his helmet to release a button, it hissed with air as it was removed but you kept your eyes glued to him, watching. Waiting. 

He pulled the mask from his face and you were met with honey hazel orbs staring intently back at you. A large scar adorned the right side of his face from the top of his brow, over his eye and traveled below the collar of his robes, his face was decorated with freckles and moles and his nose was prominent against his other features, plump pink lips slightly parted as his breaths grew more ragged. His dark hair fell in loose waves that framed his chiseled face and blended with his dark clothing.

You hated to admit but he was incredibly handsome.   
  


The bedtime stories surrounding the tales of the Jedi killer claimed he was horribly disfigured as a result of the fallen temple. Hiding his face behind his mask to avoid his past identity following him down his new path.

They were terribly wrong. He was fascinating.

Slowly you rose from your horizontal position, eyes never leaving his as you sat up. The two of you now chest to chest, so close that your breasts brushed his torso with every inhale.   
Without even registering your actions you bought up your hand to lay against his cheek, flattening your palm against the smooth skin.

He furrowed his brow but he didn’t move away. Almost allowing himself to lean into your warm touch, relishing in the closeness you shared.   
  


He definitely wasn’t a creature. He was beautiful.   
  


His gloved hand moved to cup yours that still laid on his cheek, rubbing his covered thumb over the supple flesh. Before bringing it down to rest in your lap while still rubbing circles over the back of your hand. He wanted nothing more then to stay here, your force energy pulled him towards you. An invisible string that could never be severed, he wanted to stay here, wanted to hold you, lay with you, fuck you, have you scream his name for the whole Finalizer to hear...but most of all he wanted to show you how similar you were. He wanted to be the one to show you the way to the darkside, he knew how hard it was with no guidance. He would be your guidance.   
  


“I have to go. I will answer any questions you have upon my return, clean yourself up and I will be back in a few hours.”   
  


“Yes sir.” 

He removed his body from yours, picking up his helmet and placing it under his arm. One last scan of your body and he retreated to the door of his chamber. You sat and watched his hulking figure as he turned to leave, mind still swimming in what had just happened.

Confusion, fear, anger, pleasure, need.   
  


All contradicting emotions swirling into a growing mass that was only growing in magnitude. 

  
Just as he reached the door he stopped, slightly turning his head so that he was facing you. His eyes searched yours for reasons unknown to you, despite his stoic features his eyes were so soft. You sensed deeper feelings within him but you didn’t dare pry.   
  


“Kylo.” The rough texture of his voice set your loins on fire from beneath the silk.   
  
  


You hummed in acknowledgement, brows furrowing, clearly not understanding what he meant.   
  


”You will call me Kylo, not sir.”   
  


Hiding the surprise in your features you swallowed the invisible lump in your throat and shifted in the bed.   
  
  


“Okay”

He simply raised his brows, as if he didn’t think you were finished speaking.   
  


Releasing a long breath out of your nose you humoured him.   
  


“Okay. Kylo.”   
  


The faint ghost of smirk graced his lips but he turned before you could look closer.   
  


“You are to stay in my chambers until I return. My knights are at your mercy should you require anything.”   
  


Without allowing you to respond he was gone.

A curtain of black following in his tracks.

What in the fuck just happened?   
  


You never thought you’d ever live to be in the same room as the Supreme Leader of the First Order and here you were being straddled by him and touching his fucking pretty chiseled face!

Fucking hormones..

Yep that’s what this was. Of course you did not just get all hot and bothered by being so close to the galaxies most notorious murderer.   
  


  
The next few hours would be torturous.


	4. Initiate Code 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People say that curiosity killed the cat...
> 
> But on the Finalizer there are far worse things to be killed by, so you’d take your chances. 
> 
> Until a certain ginger doesn’t take lightly to Resistance stowaways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always chapter warnings apply. 
> 
> Enjoy!

When Kylo told you he would be gone for a few hours you expected 2 at the most maybe 3 for dramatic effect. 

Not f o u r fucking hours. On the verge of five almost. 

It gave you plenty of time to cool yourself down from the steamy encounter you had with the hulking mass of a man but you could only bathe for so long before your entire body began to wrinkle and prune.

Not sexy at all. 

Even spending tedious amounts of time drying and combing out your hair so it didn’t look like a Porg’s nest. Alas there was no sign of him, not a single peep.  
And those so called Knights of Ren that we’re supposedly at your beck and call were also missing in action. 

Fucking fantastic

You weren’t the type to snoop around someone else’s things, it just wasn’t cool. Especially the Jedi Killer’s things, you’d be dead for sure if he caught you. But you couldn’t help but be a little bit curious when your eyes landed on the contents of his desk, hopping over to the sleek metallic surface you eyed the items that laid on top of it. A beautiful calligraphy set. Glorious pens matching the sleek thick paper, one particular scroll was still unraveled and unfinished. You tenderly took it in your hands and smoothed down the edges so you could see it more clearly. Attractive handwriting that covered the page in articulate swirls and patterns, completely complimenting the tone of the paper with the jet black ink. 

The words; “I feel her presence always.” 

Was he talking about you? 

Kylo’s words rolled around in your head for the rest of the day. You tried your best to remember how exactly you had gotten here, you remembered Leia smacking you. Ouch.  
And you remembered running to the forest and getting stuck in the rain but after that it was fuzzy. A distant blur of fragmented images flashed across you mind, some of them seeming too far fetched to be real, you struggled to decipher what was real and what wasn’t.

Did you really have those visions? Did Kylo put them in your head? How long had you been unconscious for?  
Where was your brother? 

Your brother..

There was no doubt that Leia would have sent him after you, it was typical. You’d run off and sulk, then he would come and scoop you up to take you back to base.  
Before the whole process was repeated again. 

You didn’t remember seeing or hearing your brother before you blacked out. You just hoped that whatever had happened he was safe, even if he did find you at the same time as Kylo did there was no he’d challenge him.

The boy was a pussy. 

Snapping yourself out of your thoughts you focused on trying to clear your head of any distractions. Everything would work out okay, you were sure of it.  
You focused on trying to come up with clear questions for Kylo. Trying to limit it to only a few so you didn’t piss him off too much but it was so hard, you had so many questions for him. How were you supposed to choose?

Putting the delicate piece of paper back in it’s original place you continued to let your eyes wander the former Commander’s living space. It was large. Dark durasteel walls and floors, minimal furniture and furnishings, limited to a king size bed that held onyx silk sheets and pillows, a mediocre bookshelf that held a few known titles and other books that you couldn’t read the titles of, his familiar desk and then two other rooms located down a conjoined hall way. One of them was the bathroom that featured an enormous tub with dark grey tiles and trimmings, the shower was even larger with multiple shower heads at different heights and angles. You hadn’t been in through the other door but you didn’t want to, the energy behind it repelled you. Warning you to stay away and leave it’s secrets buried away from your naked eyes. 

It looked like he didn’t have many personal or sentimental belongings, or if he did he was just very skilled at hiding them away.  
Either way you weren’t about to start rooting around Ren’s underwear drawer. 

This whole time you had been walking around his quarters in nothing but a towel. Sure they were large to accommodate the freakishly large man that owned them but you’d die of embarrassment if you were practically naked in front of him again, you didn’t think your heart would cope with another close encounter with him without betraying you. Then you remembered Kylo had left you a box, he’d left you some clothes. 

You were fully expecting them to be some of the First Order garbs that you had seen personnel wearing when you had bumped into them on missions with the resistance.  
But upon opening the lid of the box you were sorely mistaken. 

Neatly folded inside you saw the bodes of a dress.  
An unthinkably gorgeous dress, it was jet black and it had a deep v cut that plunged past the sternum and accentuated the chest. The top half of the dress and the long sleeves were woven out of lace and were made with gorgeous swirling patterns and designs.  
They reminded you of Kylo’s handwriting. 

Your heart thundered against your ribcage and your breath lodged in your throat. This had to be the wrong box, this couldn’t have been meant for you. 

Just as you moved to replace the lid a note fell out from the top of the box.  
A small piece of card that had writing on it. It wasn’t Kylo’s writing, it was too messy to be his. 

Picking it up in your small digits you squinted your eyes to read the scribbles left on the card. 

“I hope this garment pleases you Supreme Leader, it was the best I could do on such short notice. It will compliment her silver hair as per your request.” 

Well fuck that was definitely you. 

Placing the lid and the card back down the bed you moved your hands to the dress, carefully pulling it out of the box to further drown in it’s beauty.  
The full length of it dropped to the floor and bunched at your feet. The skirt was long and sleek with two slits that would expose each of your thighs. So now not only were you captured by the First Order but you were now Kylo Ren’s personal toy to play dress up.  
This was for his own twisted entertainment...but if he wanted to play like that...then you’d really give him something to drool over. 

Thankfully the murderous bastard had at least had the restraint to supply you with underwear. How nice of him. 

After slipping on the black undergarments you took another long look at the dress. If he wasn’t such a perverted jerk in his mind then you might have felt flattered at the gift. 

With a deep breathe you placed your legs into the hole of the dress one by one, picking the bodes up in your hands and pulling it up your frame. Much to your surprise it fit like a glove, it hugged you in all the right places and the long lace sleeves were the perfect length. Kylo didn’t own a long mirror so you settled for the huge glass panel window that spanned across his quarters. When you laid eyes on yourself you didn’t recognise the girl staring back, for the first time ever you looked grown up. All your womanly qualities accentuated and your hair was luscious and flowing down your back.  
Like a little girl playing dress up you picked the skirt up in your fingers and twirled in front on the window. Giggling at yourself for how silly you felt. 

Although the dress was gorgeous it didn’t take away the fact that Kylo was right. You and him were the same, you were both monsters.  
No amount of dresses would ever change that. There was no point in pretending to be anything else when everyone saw clearly through your false disguise. 

It seemed like more hours had passed since you had gotten dressed. Again all your movements were tentatively slow in the hopes that someone, anyone, would come to cure your boredom. 

Kylo said not to leave but he also said his knights would help you...

It wasn’t breaking the rules if you went to find his knights was it? 

Pfft of course it wasn’t! You’d be in and out quicker then Kylo could take his helmet off, he’d never even notice you’d been out. 

Smoothing out the skirt of your dress you inhaled deeply through your nose. The vast expanse of space in-front of you seemed to grow larger and larger as you continued to stare into it’s obis, no doubt you’d be thrown out of landing bay once Kylo had his fun.

You wondered where he was right now. What poor soul was he torturing? Which planet would he lay waste to next?

After slipping on your boots you ushered over to the large door that Kylo had left out of earlier that day, with no handle or key pad you quickly searched for any clue as to how open the large metal sheet.  
Reaching out with your palm you went to touch the door but before you could make contact with it the thick slab of steel opened. You squeaked, fully expecting Kylo or one of his Knights to be responsible, but the door way was empty. 

Did you do that? Nah 

Not dwelling on the mysterious door you poked your head out of the entry way. Swinging it left and right to check that the adjoining hallways to Kylo’s quarters were definitely empty.

Thankfully they were. You would have heard a pin drop. 

Taking one last deep inhale you stepped over the threshold, your boots making a soft thud as they made contact with the same dark durasteel. No going back now.  
Your feet continued down the dim hallways as you made your way further into the ship, Kylo’s quarters appeared  
to be secluded from..well everything.  
Twisting and turning pathways blocked his chambers off from the rest of the ship, the next nearest room appeared to be the chambers of a General.  
The tricky to read anagram next to the door read. 

“General Hux” 

Whoever the fuck that was. 

Without a second thought you continued on your way, ridiculously long dress catching under your feet as you practically sprinted down the hallways, attempting to locate a knight before someone caught you out of Kylo’s room. The skin on your thighs grew cold as the slits of your dress exposed them to the eery cold air of the Finalizer, was this dress really necessary? 

Bunching the material in your hands you started to run, lungs burning with paranoia and eyes wandering your surroundings.  
They had to be close by, surely they weren’t this far away. They were big dudes! Why were they this fucking hard to find? 

Quickly scanning the corridor behind you as you ran you noticed no one was following, that was a relief. Letting the air out of your nose you turned back around to face forward, eyes widening as a tall lanky figure stood in your way. With no time to react you crashed into the man, colliding hard with his chest and falling backwards onto your ass. He didn’t even flinch.

Sitting up and rubbing your sore back you snarled and locked eyes with him, he had clearly seen you.  
You failed to notice that he had a storm trooper on each side of him, blaster in hand and same expressionless helmet. 

His forest green eyes bored into you. Lacking any shred of amusement, Looking down his nose at you he scoffed. 

This dude 

“Identify yourself.”

His eyes drifted down from your cerulean orbs and raked over your body, his stare made your body itch and it lingered in places it shouldn’t have. 

“I don’t answer to you jackass”

A tangle of his ginger hair fell over his eyes and he smirked. His eyes darkened and he stepped forward so he was practically stood over you, standing in the gap between your legs as you sat leaning back on your palms with your knees up and feet flat on the ground. 

Your eyes flickered down to the thin Lacey material covering your bottom half, thighs still exposed in a sensual way. God dammit Kylo.

He bent at the waist to get a better look at your face. 

“Oh sweetness..”

In a swift motion his face was mere centimetres away from yours, his gloved hand snatched your jaw and held it in a vice like grip. 

“If I had it my way you’d answer to me and me alone.”

His hot breath fanned your face and you tried to recoil from his grip but it was useless with your current positions. 

“Y-you know he’d never let that h-happen.”

A flash of anger sparked in his green eyes and his grip on your chin only tightened, an audible pop echoed in your ears as it bounced off the steel walls. 

“Well it doesn’t look like he’s here does it pet.” 

He continued to squeeze your jaw and you hissed, hands now attempting to claw at his wrist but failing miserably. 

He chuckled at the sight of your struggle. Letting you go and stepping away from you. He turned to brush past the two troopers that had witnessed the entire exchange. 

Standing with his back faced to you he tilted his head so that his side profile was visible. A blatant smirk painted on his fair features. 

“Initiate Code 13.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link for dress - https://i.pinimg.com/originals/19/21/81/1921816ce189a211870151d0fc64ceac.jpg
> 
> Sorry I couldn’t get the direct link to work!


	5. Cat and Mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> General Hux wasn’t about to make things easy for you. 
> 
> Little did he now that a certain force user was hot on his heels.

Everything happened so fast. 

Red blaring lights stung your vision as they flashed through the dark steel hallways, the sound of a bleeding high pitched alarm blended with the methodical footfalls of the troopers chasing you.

Lungs burning and shins splitting as your boots continuously connected with the hard floor beneath you, not daring to glance behind yourself you carried on running, twisting and turning down different hallways and passages hoping that you’d shake your potential captors.

It was no use.

They were only a few meters behind you and were quickly catching up. The skirt of your dress swirled and tangled around your legs threatening to trip you up as you quickened your pace, using any extra adrenaline you had stored away in an attempt to gain an advantage. 

A familiar twinge in your mind almost had you stumbling, that same prodding that you had felt before had resurfaced...right now? Really? 

Another right turn and you were running out of places to run, it felt like you were running in circles and the bright lights were sending your head spinning. Ragged breaths caught in your throat as you started to panic. Where was he?

...

Kylo was beyond pissed off.

He hated meeting with his subordinates enough without having his ears assaulted with a constant choir of blaring alarms and mechanical voice messages. 

“Full system shut down initiated.”

Over and over again over the control panels speakers and screens that message popped up. Doors locked and monitors shut down. 

This day could not get any fucking worse. 

At least that ginger twat was no where to be seen, these meetings always ended the same way. Kylo and Hux would go at it like ferrets in a sack, constantly at each other’s throats bickering over who was more incompetent. 

It also usually ended up with Hux getting force chocked or thrown across the room but he was relentless never the less. 

Continuing to remind Kylo that he would never be up to par like Supreme Leader Snoke had been before him. 

Fuck Hux. What did he know? 

What unnerved Kylo to his core was the fact that the General had never missed a meeting before, he lapped up every opportunity he got to get under his skin and took joy in doing so. Something must have been seriously wrong for him to miss a meeting like this, especially discussing the First Order’s next plan of attack against a traitorous planet on the outer rim. 

That’s when he felt it. 

That’s when he felt you. 

Chest searing with over exertion and your pretty eyes wide with fear. Feelings of disgust and pure terror rolled off of you in waves and he felt it, felt how your skin burned and how your jaw still ached. Although he could feel you physically he struggled to put the pieces together, you were blocking him. He knew you weren’t doing it intentionally but it send a ripple of fury through his veins regardless. 

What did Hux do to you? 

Without another thought Kylo was out of the room. Using the force to rip the door open that stood in his way as he went, his hulking figure marching through the halls with great urgency. Cloak spiralling behind him as he increased his speed to get to you, a simple glance into the force and he could feel you again, sensing where you were he changed his course and continued. 

He would kill anyone in his way.

...

A dead end. 

Fuck!

With your back pressed up firmly against the wall you cowered as they troopers closed in on you. Being in a place like Finalizer sucked every ounce of confidence you had out of your body, with no saber you felt useless. 

Any attempt at fighting back would be futile, they were definitely bigger and stronger then you and would easily immobilise your smaller frame without even needing to try. 

Assholes

“Come with us.”

They continued to approach you. 

“Get the fuck away from me!”

You snarled. Your tone didn’t match your appearance as you still tried to move away from them even with your back against a wall. 

Where are you Kylo? 

“You should really listen to them pet. It would be in your best interests not to disrespect the authority of a general.” 

Your cerulean orbs locked with that sickeningly familiar forest green. You didn’t even notice that he had been with the other troopers while you ran, you bit back a laugh as images of him demanding a piggy back ride from the troopers flooded your mind.

Ginger prick.

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck who I’m disrespecting. I don’t answer to you.” 

A flash of disgusting lust flashed across Hux’s vision, what he would give to have you speak to him that way in his chambers. He’d punish you in more ways then just crushing your jaw, he’d have you cursing him and begging for him in the same breath. Writhing underneath him as he stuffed you full, mewling his name as he denied you of all your wishes. 

He smirked. Unfortunately pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind while he drank in the sight in front of him. 

Your back pressed firmly against the metal wall behind you, chest heaving heavily as you attempted to supply your body with much needed oxygen. Gorgeous blue eyes glared at him as you held eye contact, cheeks rosy highlighting your dispersed freckles. Ragged breaths passing your perfectly plump parted lips as slipped your tongue out to wet them.

Further challenging him. 

He inched closer step by step. Like a predator toying with it’s prey, closing in until the two of you were almost touching. 

You growled in response to his close proximity but the sound of cocking blasters from behind him stopped you from lodging your foot into his groin. 

His glove hand found your face again as he placed the cold material against your cheek this time, rubbing circles deep into your skin with his thumb. You flinched from the touch but couldn’t move away, completely trapped from all angles. No escape. 

“Such a shame when he brings backs ones as pretty as you. It’ll be unfortunate to watch you die once he’s had his fun.” 

His voice was low and husky, hot breath fanning across your face as he spoke. You squirmed in his hold and squeaked when his other hand slammed flat against the steel wall beside your head, sending a powerful vibration through your whole body from the impact. 

“He’s n-not going to like what your d-doing ngh!”

Before you could finish speaking he thrust his knee between your thighs, pushing hard against your core. 

You held back a groan as he increased the pressure, gritting your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut. His touch scorched your skin and you shivered under his stare. 

His tongue skimmed past his lips as he used it brush over his cuspids, eyes still roaming your face as he watched you resist his advances. 

Suddenly he took your chin between his fingers and added the same intense pressure as he had before, pinching the skin so hard you were sure it would bruise.

Tears pricked your eyes as you tried hard not to look at him, eyes shooting to the ceiling or behind him. 

“Like I said before pet.”

His lips found the shell of your ear as her leant forward. 

“He’s not here.” 

Your whole body was numb and your systems were failing you. The alarms now falling on deaf ears as you simply stared into nothingness, minutes felt like hours under his touch and it seared through your skin and sank to your core. 

His smug smile lingered on his features as he now stood straighter. Marvelling at the sight before him, you, completely defenceless and under his mercy. 

Then the smile was gone. Then his knee. Then his hands. His whole body retracted from yours. 

His hands shot up to his throat as he clawed and scratched at seemingly nothing. Wide green eyes and jaw hanging slack, all colour and confidence completely washed from his face. 

Your own eyes widened as he was lifted from the floor. His legs kicking and thrashing erratically as he chocked on his own spit. Incoherent gargles and curses spilling past his lips as he tried to speak. 

Then you saw him. Felt him. 

Hux was yanked backwards by an invisible string, spun so his back was facing you. 

Suddenly he was gone, neck gripped tight in the gloved hand of Kylo Ren. 

More gurgles and wheezes lodged in his oesophagus as Kylo constricted his throat between his digits. 

You couldn’t see his face due to the mask but you could feel the rage rolling off of Kylo in waves, practically heating the air around you ten fold. 

The ginger general’s face was blue and pulsing, veins popping prominently from his neck and forehead. 

Panic seeped into your pores and a cold sweat danced up the back of your neck. 

“K-kylo stop it!” 

The helmet shifted slightly, visor now pointed directly at you. Looking through you. 

It stifled between you and Hux for a few moments. He was contemplating. 

A guttural scream came out muffled from the modifier as he threw Hux against the nearest wall. Hard. 

His lanky frame crumpling to a pile on the floor as he chocked on the fresh oxygen entering his lungs. 

Wide eyes lingered on the general before being snapped away. Your wrist held painfully tight in his hand Kylo began to drag you away. 

You didn’t hesitate or fight him or cower away from him. Simply just struggled to keep up with his long stride as he navigated the two of you through the weaving corridors of the ship. 

“Kylo I’m-“ 

“Shut up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is dedicated to Kris, Bri and Ann...They’ve shown me nothing but constant support since I met them and they’ve helped so much already with this fanfic! 
> 
> Lots of love to you guys❤️


	6. Fear Factor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raw untamed anger radiated off of him, hand gripped tightly around the hilt of his lightsaber threatening to slice down anything in it’s way. 
> 
> Anything but you.

Nothing but dead silence.

Kylo had practically dragged you back to his quarters, his step never faltering and eyes focused dead set in front of him. That’s if you could have seen his eyes. You couldn’t put your finger on it but you felt something. 

You felt him. 

The ragged intake of air falling through his lips as he marched, the anger radiating off him like a tidal wave, jaw tight and teeth clenched so hard they could crack.

He was angry.

Alas not entirely at you.

He was angry that his knights had left their post, angry that you had wandered off after he specifically told you to stay put, angry that the general had the audacity to lay his hands on your perfect supple skin.

But he was most angry with himself. If he’d been more observant he could have avoided this whole ordeal, he could have locked you away from prying eyes that set out to taint your gorgeous being with filthy blood clad hands. He could have just stayed with you.

Although he knew that wasn’t an option realistically he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the infinite possibilities of having you tucked away in his chambers. 

All for him. 

Upon arriving back at his living space his eyes had already locked onto your bruising jaw. Blossoming indents of the General’s fingers now littered your delicate skin, tear stained cheeks highlighted with a rosy tint, freckles glowing against your fair complexion. 

Your chest heaving with laboured breaths as you tried to calm your mind, attempting to stop it swimming with broken scenarios of what Kylo Ren was about to do to you.

How would he punish you for being disobedient? 

Kylo smirked behind his mask, you were worried that you were in trouble. Although you had been able to close your mind off to him earlier now you were wide open, the torn pages of your mind ripe for the taking. He skimmed through the blurry images off what exactly had transpired between you and Hux. 

His fragile vexation hadn’t been prepared for the projections of your memory to seep into his own mind. 

The disgust you felt when his skin had touched yours, tears threatening to fall past your water line as his body pressed hard against your own. The feeling of his knee still ghosted between your thighs and it made your skin burn and itch with revulsion. Your jaw ached and throbbed from where he had crushed it between his fingers, easily draining your entire body of any shred of confidence you had. 

He sensed it. You weren’t scared of Hux, you were scared of death. The only thing keeping you from mangling the General’s skull beneath your boot had been the presence of the stormtroopers accompanying him, the multiple blasters cocked at the ready intently aimed at you were the reason you hasn’t resisted the General’s ministrations. Not because you were weak but because you were strong enough to use your intelligence to know that denying him would have been useless. 

Nether the less the irritation didn’t cease to boil in Kylo’s veins. 

The two of you stood there in the middle of his quarters. The skirt of your dress slightly pooling at your feet due to it’s length, your cerulean apertures scanning his mask looking for any indication of his emotion, fingers idlyfiddling with each other as anxiety only continued to fill you up to full capacity. 

The only thing you felt from him was anger and it unsettled you. 

The images played in Kylo’s head over and over again. Your voice struggling to leave your throat as you begged Hux to stop in your mind, thoughts swirling with conflicting emotions. 

The ginger’s hot breath tickling your neck as he husked in your ear. 

Kylo saw red. 

The hilt of his saber was in his hand quicker then he could comprehend. It roared to life with smouldering red light and a hissing crackle, the second hand heat swirled with the boiling magma of Kylo’s anger and increased the temperature of the room. 

You yelped, jumping back and squeezing your eyes shut as you braced yourself for the pain. Waiting for your body to be sliced to pieces as his laser sword severed you, searing your skin without allowing any blood to spill but leaving the singed smell of burning flesh in it’s wake. 

A deep guttural cry ripped through Kylo’s throat. You still refused to open your eyes and instead let yourself get lost in the darkness behind your lids. Body stiff in anticipation, your own screams didn’t leave your mouth as fear took hold severing you motionless.

The pain never came.

Instead the sound of screeching metal attacked your ear drums and echoed throughout the near empty room. Your eyes shot open and fell upon the dark mass that was Kylo Ren, his back facing you and hunched over as his body convulsed in anger. The metal wall in front of him completely torn apart, liquified steel seeped from the wounds of his saber as it dripped onto the floor; cooling instantly. The heat died down as he retracted his weapon, the loss of it’s glowing red light shrouding the room in a cold darkness. 

The only sound in the room was the both of your heavy breathing as it synchronised, the adrenaline dissipating between the two of you. 

He straightened up and his full body tremors reduced to a shiver, but the anger remained. 

Something pulled at your mind. Screaming at you to go to him, hold him, tell him what was on your mind and let the bone gnawing tension fall away, let him open up to you. 

Although the two of you hadn’t exchanged many words you had exchanged so much more, a tangible connection bridged between your minds allowing a window into each other’s souls. You were yet to dive into the bloody waters of Kylo’s mind but you wanted to wait for an invitation, you had let him in without question. He was a different story you weren’t sure you knew how to read, he’d seen and done things many men wouldn’t dream of. He was still a murderer no matter how close this connection pulled the two of you together. You had to remember that. 

You had to try and make this work. The familiar energy caressing your mind, telling you this is where you belonged. 

You knew it was true. Felt it was true. 

“Kylo?”

Your voice was barely above a whisper, trying to soothe his anger with your voice was worth a shot. 

You knew he heard you but he didn’t move apart from letting his shoulders drop in defeat. He knew if you kept talking to him like that he would happily walk out of the landing bay into the obis of space if you asked nicely. 

“Kylo look at me. Please.”

The thought of you demanding Kylo to do something rather then just requesting had his heart rate spiking. He had no idea why his body was betraying him in such ways when it came to you but he wasn’t mad about it. Welcoming the new feelings and emotions that pierced his mind in your presence. 

He lost. No longer denying and turned to face you, eyes roaming your figure as he finally took a good long look at you in the dress he gave you. Hugging your body like a glove in all the right ways, it’s onyx material contrasting beautifully with your pale skin and silver locks that cascaded down your back and framed your face. You were breathtaking to him. 

Never once had he wanted something more. 

His throne and his power meant nothing to him when he was stood before you. 

Deep gorgeous eyes that held galaxies within them, reflecting his own emotions back at him. 

Power, confusion, greed...lust. 

You were woven from the same cloth, the two of you thirsting for a purpose larger then yourselves. The people around you unreliable and non-understanding of the way your minds worked, morals sliced thin as your thoughts drifted to what could be. 

Staring through the visor of his mask wasn’t good enough for you. Pointing towards him from across the room you then shifted your finger to point at the space in front of yourself. Signalling for him to come to you. 

He happily obliged unknowing to you. He was putty in your hands at this point, the anger falling from his body as his boots thumped against the floor while he walked towards you. 

Within a few strides he was now right in front of you, having not intended for him to be this close you cursed yourself for the heat that surged in your lower belly. 

Chests brushed up against each other from the proximity as you both inhaled, your breasts stroking against his torso as he craned his neck down to meet your eyes. 

You furrowed your brows and jutted out your lip. The cold stare of the mask doing nothing to help the fear still clawing at the back of your mind. 

Lifting your hands from your sides you reached up to the sides of his mask, lip between your teeth as you concentrated on being tedious in your actions. Pressing the latch with your digits as you held your breath in anticipation. 

With a small hiss the air was released and you gripped the sides of the helmet in your palms, lifting gingerly and pulling it away. 

Just as beautiful as you remembered. 

The chiseled angles of his face caught the dimming light in the room perfectly, his soft pink lips parted as strained breaths left his mouth, moles and beauty spots littered his entire face and you wanted nothing more then to trace them with your fingertips. You felt your heart ache when your eyes landed on the deep scar that spanned over his face.

How did he get it?

Then his eyes 

You focussed on his eyes while examined your face. Shining in the dark humming glow of the room, they were a deep earthy brown, like a planets soil after torrential rains. But there was something else in them, something glistening. Glistening like copper caught by the sun. They held secrets, ones that you weren’t sure your heart could bare. 

But you were one in the same.

The anger in your veins had never boiled over to the point of you doing something drastic to back up the feeling but his anger had long since boiled over. 

It wasn’t long before yours would too. 

You could get lost in his eyes for eternity, you felt that they would tell you everything that his words couldn’t. 

His helmet hit the soft fabric of his bed silently as you tossed it. You weren’t sure where you were going with this, letting out a soft sigh you swallowed your anxieties and spoke up. 

“I’m...I’m sorry.”

His eyes met yours and didn’t leave. His lips pressed into a hard line as he tossed your words around in his head thinking of the best way to respond. 

“I’m sorry I left your room. You were gone for so long, and I couldn’t find your knights and-“ 

Your voice was lost in the fabric of his tunic as your face was pressed deep into his chest, forced to inhale his strong scent of patchouli and dark coffee. Strong arms encased your form so hard it hurt to breath, he held you tight, like he was afraid to let you go. 

“It’s okay little one. Just...don’t let it happen again.” 

Your whole world exploded. A million thoughts ran through your mind as you tried to dissect your current situation. 

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was hugging you. 

Holding you so close that you thought you would literally melt into him. The heat of his body stirring a heat of your own deep down at your very core. 

Your eyes widened as he chuckled. Deep in his chest as it vibrated against your cheeks. 

“Such a busy mind.” 

He retracted back from you and trailed his hands up so that they held your neck, his thumbs brushing softly against the skin of your throat. 

He was doing it again. Just looking at you. 

Studying your face as if it might give him the answers to all his problems. 

He heard you. 

The ghost of a smile turning up the ends of his lips as he looked down to you. 

Soft breaths past your lips as you stared up at him in awe. He was so gentle with you. 

But why?

The air got caught in your throat as his gloved hands drifted to your cheeks, triggering your muscle memory as you flinched back from his touch. 

Fuck. 

The raw memory of Hux clawed it’s way to the front of your mind and you cursed yourself. 

His brows knitted together and something unknown flashed in his irises. 

“S-sorry..” you whispered. 

Casting your gaze down to the floor between the two of you. Hating yourself for putting space between yourself and him. 

The soft sound of leather hitting the ground pulled you from your thoughts as your eyes trailed over to where his gloves now laid discarded on the floor. 

You opened your mouth to speak but warm hands clasped your cheeks softly and even warmer lips were dancing with your own. 

The initial shock had you stumbling backwards slightly but he held you steady and you relaxed your muscles. Eyes fluttering closed as your hands found the back of his neck. 

Nothing had ever felt so right in your life. 

His touch ignited a spark in you that you forgotyou had. Bodies melding together perfectly as your kiss continued in the dim light of his quarters. One of his hands remained on your cheek while the other found it’s way to the small of your back, pulling your body even closer to his. If that was even possible. In the heat of the moment you allowed one of your hands to trail into his hair, velvet soft tendrils coiling around your finger tips. 

His lips left yours and you whined at the loss. The fire only further ignited when you felt his prominent nose trace down over the flesh of your throat and over your clavicle. His wet tongue joined the party and a soft moan dripped like honey over your lips, jaw hanging loose as he peppered your chest with delicate kisses, scraping his teeth every now and then. 

Another nip and you fisted his hair in your hands. Your eyes widened into saucers as a deep groan vibrated through Kylo’s throat, momentarily breaking his focus on assaulting your skin. 

He pulled back and looked into your eyes. Swirling like honey with lust and need, his hands were back on your cheeks as he pecked your lips again. As you tried to deepen the kiss further he leaned back, now towering over you with his natural height. 

His inky hair fell into his face and on instinct your reached up, running your fingers over his scalp to move the hair away from the front. 

Before you could bring your hand back he took your wrist in his hand. His eyes never left yours as he placed your hand on his chest, directly where his heart sat beneath his ribcage. 

It was racing. Beating wildling against your fingertips as you splayed your hand out to further cover the surface of his chest. His thumb traced circles on the back of your hand while you stood silent for a moment. 

“Proof that I’m human.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, his soft voice taking you off guard for the second time that day. 

You had so much you wanted to say to him but your own heart was still racing, struggling to supply blood to every vein in your body. You were sure that most of the crimson liquid had surfaced in your cheeks. 

“I am not proud of some of the things I’ve done but I stand by them unfaltering. My actions have made me the supreme leader I am today, without weakness I have prevailed. Passion is my power and I use whatever I see fit to supply that passion. Cosmetic or not. 

I want you to let your past die, kill it if you have to. I have seen what you are to become. You will stand by me on the throne and aid me in my rule...I feel it.” 

The words echoed in the front of your mind for a few moments. He wanted you to stand beside him as equals, help him rule the galaxy in the way it was intended. 

Without showing remorse or weakness for those who were faithless. 

The galaxy would bow to the First Order. 

A deep passion burned in your chest. You wanted this, for years you had prayed for a purpose and the galaxy had answered you. 

The force connected the two of you.

Without removing your hand from his chest you used your free hand to grasp the one that still laid on the small of you back. Mimicking his actions and placing it on your chest, shifting it until you felt it press against your own beating organ. Hand squeezing his tight as he rubbed at the spot, nestling his skin into your own, aching to feel as close to you as possible. 

“Proof that you and I are the same.” 

His eyes widened in what looked like disbelief. Only this morning were you screaming telling him that you were nothing alike, that he was a monster. Now you had shared a kiss that felt like the entire galaxy had stood still, he opened up to you in a way he didn’t know he still could. Having locked away his sentimental values when he killed his former self all those years ago he didn’t think he could feel like this again. 

You both stood as close as two people could, sharing a sentiment that would be sure to last lifetimes. 

You didn’t know what had changed in you either. Mulling over the words you had bellowed at him that morning you realisedthat he was right, you were exactly the same and now it was undeniable. Yesterday you were a nobody resistance fighter labelled as a hazard and today you were to stand by the side of the Supreme Leader and help him lead his army. Raw excitement began to bubble in your chest at the thought. 

“I want to rule with you Kylo. I want to serve my purpose in all of this, whatever it may be.” 

You swore you almost saw a genuine smile on his face, your words lighting a familiar fire in his irises. 

“Then we shall discuss it over dinner little one.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! 
> 
> I have made a playlist for this fanfic but I wasn’t sure if that’s something that people like?  
> If people want it I can leave a link!


	7. Blasters and Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resistance was in a frenzy. 
> 
> One of their best fighters gone for good.
> 
> Leia’s heart ached..again
> 
> Meanwhile someone was being a brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings apply. 
> 
> Thank you for all the support so far!

His eyes stung as he tried to open them. Blinding white lights abusing his vision and the stale smell of cleanliness seeped into his nostrils. 

It wasn’t until he tried to sit up that he noticed the splitting pain in his shoulder, he winced as the skin and muscle around the area struggled to stretch and flex, movement restricted by a bloody bandage wrapping respectively around his shoulder and torso. His eyes fell to the bandage and confusion struck him, peeling back the soiled dressing he stopped in his tracks as the door adjacent to him swung open. 

His tired blue eyes meeting with soft brown. 

“How you feeling buddy?” The tan male sung cheerfully 

Both men smiled gleefully at each-other, taking in the sight of one another. One of them was certainly worse for wear. 

“Sore. What happened? I don’t remember much..”

The young man’s brows knit together in thought, trying to retrace his steps and weave together the threads of his hazy memory. 

He remembered rain, running, a ship...you. 

His cerulean eyes widened and his jaw fell agape as realisation hit him at full force, threatening to pull him right out of the medical cot he sat on. 

“Verena! Fuck! Where’s Leia? I need to-“ 

The dark haired male pushed his friend back into the bed by his uninjured shoulder as he rushed to try and stand, ignoring the monitors he was still hooked onto. 

“Relax big guy! You’re in no state to be going anywhere, you were shot with a blaster. A new type of tech we haven’t seen before, you’re lucky to be alive. The blaster shot mixed with the seizure means that you won’t be going anywhere any time soon. Leia is working as hard as she can so rest up.” 

Henri clasped at his scalp with his calloused hands, brain struggling to relay the new information entering it. The heart monitor beside him picked up with a faster beeping sound as panic settled it’s way into his bones. Shattering them from within. 

“Seizure?”

Poe’s soft eyes gazed at the floor, unable to meet his friends stoic glare. 

“Yeh. The doctors think your body went into shock, with the drop in temperature and the force of the blast there’s no surprise really. Your distress signal died out on us and we didn’t get to as quick as we should have.   
We almost lost you Henri.”

The silver haired man allowed his muscles to relax, he felt sorry for his friend stood before him and couldn’t help but assume he was the one that had responded to his signal. He felt guilty for not getting to his friend quick enough. 

“I’m here aren’t I? I’ll let you know when I’m ready to kick the bucket Dameron.” 

The two men laughed, all past tension dissipating in the air as they fell into a calming silence. 

“I need to find her Poe. H-he’s got her and I don’t want to lose her, I don’t want her to turn into-“ 

The dark haired male punched his friend playfully in the arm and interrupted his sentence. 

“We will get her back don’t you worry about it! I know she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with but we’re a family here.” 

For what felt like the tenth time already the taller male’s expression softened slightly, it was hard to be disheartened around his short optimistic friend. 

“I trust we’ll get her back. I can’t imagine what Kriff awful things he’s doing to her right now.” 

...

“No.” 

His voice was emotionless and unamused. 

“Why not?!”

You pouted at him and gave him your best puppy dog eyes, your voice like treacle attempting to trap him in it’s sticky substance. 

“Because I said so Verena.” 

Your name falling from his lips sent a chill up your spine, only feeding your petty attitude. 

“Looks like you’ll be eating by yourself then doesn’t it?” 

Arms folded firmly across your chest you turned away from the hulking mass of a man. 

“Don’t be so childish. You’re telling me that because I won’t let you play with my lightsaber that you’re going to deny my requests?” 

His tone was condescending as he used his digits to finger quote the word “play”. 

“By requests you mean orders. I’m not being childish Kylo it’s called bargaining.” 

You huffed, still not moving to look at him. You were completely messing with him but you wanted to see how much you could get away with. The confidence that Hux had ripped from you was now back and increased ten fold. 

An hour or two had passed since Kylo kissed you and nothing was awkward, he quickly settled at his desk while you watched him work diligently. Your presence didn’t bother him in the slightest, if anything it comforted him. The soft sound of your breathing and the way your eyes shone with adoration as you watched him litter the scrolls with different swirls of texts. 

“I’m merely avoiding you losing a limb. Nothing more nothing less. I know you’re skilled but I’m not taking my chances. By all means deny my requests but I’m positive you’ll enjoy the consequences.” 

That same smirk that he displayed only hours ago was back. 

But...you weren’t supposed to enjoy a punishment...were you? 

The cogs in your mind began to turn as you tried to understand the meaning in his words. 

He chuckled as he read your thoughts, enjoying as you struggled to put two and two together. Hearing his laugh had you spinning in your chair, glaring at him. 

“I wouldn’t lose a limb! What’s the punishment anyway?” 

Without hesitation Kylo pounced on you. His body hovering over yours as he grabbed the back of you chair where your shoulders were, leaning it back and holding it in place. Practically nose to nose you could feel the warmth of his breath fan across your cheeks and drift down your neck. 

That persisted heat bubbling in the depths of your belly. 

“Deny me again and you’ll find out little one.” 

The tone of his voice had you reeling, the dark tone backed up with a playful tang. You could almost taste it on your palette. 

Your words lodged in your throat as you tried to speak, only an incoherent whine being able to escape. Damn you Kylo. 

He licked the front of his teeth as he continued to look down at you, like a predator with it’s prey. 

“Well? What will it be? Dinner or your punishment?” 

At this point you knew he heard every thought you had. He was enjoying the effect he had on you, every emotion and every physical disturbance mirroring onto each other. 

Your body screamed over and over again for his punishment. 

To have him break you down till you were a pool of nothingness between his sheets, his teeth and mouth littering your throat and chest with purple welts as he claimed you as his own, his large calloused hands constricting your throat while he ploughed into you from every unforgiving angle, his lips melting against your own as they synchronised in a blissful dance. 

The only sound being a mixture of breathy moans and skin on skin as it’s echoed through his chambers. 

Your thighs clamped together absentmindedly as the images danced across your vision.

He would definitely see those. 

His hand found your hair as he let the silken locks wrap between the crevices of his knuckles, tugging lightly so that you couldn’t avoid his gaze. 

His gentleness was long gone and replaced with something else. The pleasure outweighed the pain as he tugged a little too hard causing a hiss to leave your lips. 

“Such a filthy little thing.” 

Your eyes rolled back in your skull and your teeth dug into the flesh of your bottom lip as his wet mouth traced the expanse of your neck. Leaving slick trails across the flesh as he sucked and nipped where ever he pleased, using your hair as a way to move your head so more skin was exposed to him. 

“G-get out...ahh...out of my h-head ngh!” 

He growled against your skin and pulled at your hair again earning himself a soft moan. 

“Then don’t think so fucking loud.” 

His tone was warning and menacing. It should have struck fear into your systems but it didn’t, only sparking a furious heat in your abdomen. 

His hand in your hair softened slightly but still gripped. Your thoughts were attacking his mind relentlessly, images of your fantasies dancing over his irises as he struggled to keep up. Just the sight of you breathless beneath him had his pants tightening in need, your desires set his world on fire. 

In a split second his mouth was on yours. He was hungry, feverish. Chasing his high as his hands roamed your body, your own hands quickly found his hair. Tugging and pulling at the soft texture as he groaned against your mouth in response. 

His hands dipped into the plunging v neck of your dress, you squirmed in anticipation as his warm hands touched your even warmer skin. 

More breathy moans spilled past your lips as he squeezed your breasts in his large digits, his lips didn’t leave yours as he continued to knead your tender flesh, swallowing all of your noises. 

Your hands left his hair as they trailed down. Past his shoulders, over his collar bones and down his torso. Tracing his prominent abdominals through his tunic with your finger tips causing him to hiss, biting feverishly against your bottom lip. 

His calloused hands skimmed your flesh as they ascended, fingers working the lace fabric over your shoulders and exposing your chest to him. Almost. 

A series bone cracking thuds broke the both of you out of your lust filled trance. You jumped back and squeaked as your hands flew up, covering your now exposed chest. 

A deep guttural growl tore through Kylo’s throat as he retracted back from you, helping pull the thin fabric back over your shoulders before he turned to the door of his chambers. 

He knew who was here. 

He’d been so distracting thinking about shoving his cock into your sweet cunt that he hadn’t noticed the presence of his knights approaching his living space. 

Vicrul and Ushar. 

Right. He still had a job to do here. 

“Who is it?” 

Your soft voice drifted into his ear drums as he came closer to the door. He had to physically stop himself pouncing on you for the third time that day. 

“My knights. Don’t worry.” 

What he knew you actually wanted to say was, “is it Hux?”. There was no way he’d let that ginger prick anywhere near you again. 

The only reason he wasn’t dead right now was because if you. Hux owed you his life. 

Walking awkwardly due to the throbbing ache between his legs he finally made it to the door. Opening it so hard he thought he might rip it off the wall. 

“Master Ren we-“

With a flick of his wrist Ushar was flung hard against the metal wall behind him, a thundering clang echoed through the entire hallway as his body landed hard against the durasteel. 

He sensed your initial panic but he spoke to you through your connection. 

It’s okay. Don’t worry. 

“Where were you this afternoon? I should have your heads for abandoning your post, the one job I gave you and you can’t even follow simple orders.” 

Kylo matched the height of Vicrul if not a little taller. The masked man held his weapon tightly in his grip, so hard his knuckles turned white. Ushar groaned and returned to standing next to his comrade, avoiding the pain that gnawed at his spine. 

“That’s why we came master. A false request was triggered on the data-pads, we were informed that you had requested us at the loading bays but when we arrived there was no sign of any commotion.” 

Kylo stilled. Fists clenching at his sides as anger began to boil though his veins. 

“Someone sent you away from your post? Who?” 

The supreme leader sensed both men tense under their masks. Nothing scared the fierceness warriors, apart from their master. 

“We tried to look into it master but we couldn’t find anything. The link was untraceable. Completely wiped from the systems.” 

Kylo had his suspicions over who he thought it could be. There were countless bodies on the Finalizer that wouldn’t mind fucking with his sanity. He narrowed the list down when he thought of the only other person that knew you were here. General fucking Hux. 

The only reason Kylo had informed the general that he was retrieving you was because he refused to let his ship leave the bay other wise. He was running out of time and desperate to see if you were even real so he let his secret fall past his lips. 

He thought nothing of it until now. 

“I want you to search General Hux’s chambers immediately. I assume he’ll still be in the medial wing so if you’re quick you can avoid spilling his guts on his hallway floors.” 

Without another word he slammed the door. Perhaps he was being harsh on his knights but he didn’t get where he was today by being forgiving. 

His hands found his hair as he pulled at it in frustration, an annoyed groan stuck in his throat as he raked his hands down his face. 

Spinning on his heel he was met with cerulean orbs. Stood just shy of the threshold into his room that was separate to the rest of the living quarters. You stood their silently in all your glory, hour glass figure clad in black while your hair still looked slightly disheveled from his pulling. 

“Everything okay Kylo?”

There it was again. That sweet honey voice threatening to crush his entire operation, he would give up the entire order just to have you whisper in his ears for the rest of eternity. 

His eyes softened as he made his way over to you. Stopping just shy of your boots under the dress, he met your eyes once more. Hoping that they would say more then he needed to. He was never good with his words. 

His hand came up to brush a fallen strand of hair out of your face and tuck it behind your ear. You mindlessly leant into his warm touch that lingered on your cheek. 

“Everything is fine. Just a small mess I have to clean up. Are you hungry little one?” 

You didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t meet your eyes when he spoke, or the fact that he was trying to change the subject but as soon as food was mentioned your worries and cares flew out of the window. 

You hasn’t eaten in the last 24 hours and you only assumed that’s why you were being an extra bratty bitch to Kylo. 

Maybe that was just you?

Responding to his question you nodded your head violently, beaming up at him. 

This kid. He thought. 

Then you froze. He could almost hear the gears turning in your head and his brows furrowed. 

“Do we have to go out? I mean, leave your place?” 

More anger threatened to seep deep into Kylo’s bones again. Hux and his troopers had frazzled you enough that now you just wanted to stay in his room. Hux would pay. Dearly. 

“We can stay here if you want. But tomorrow you and I have business to attend to, you can’t stay in here forever.” 

As much as I’d like that, he pondered. 

“Just for tonight then.” 

That beaming smile could have blinded the man. Your eyes forced into a squint as your plump cheeks pushed up when you smiled. 

“Just for tonight little one.” 


	8. All the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cold air of Kylo Ren’s chambers nipped at your exposed skin sending a shiver up your spine.
> 
> Your cerulean eyes took in the sight before you.
> 
> Breathtaking...

The dinner that Kylo served you was incredible. 

Mouthwatering dishes and side plates of foods you had never heard of before let alone tasted, the succulent meats and crunchy vegetables certainly beat the polystarch bread rations you were used to back with the resistance. 

As you wasted no time in devouring your meal Kylo was more reserved. Polishing off his meat before simply sipping on the blood coloured wine he had requested. He watched you intently as you stuffed your tiny mouth full of some sort of vegetable, eyes raking over the details of your face as you hummed in delight at the taste. 

Yours eyes met his as you washed down the food, tangy wine slithering down your throat and filling a warmth in your belly. 

You had known the man for the maximum of two days. Yet here you sat, alone at a table with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. 

Your brain still couldn’t fathom what your life had become in such a short space of time. 

It felt like you had known him your whole life, an unspoken entity that resided in the two of you. It weighed on your chest and gnawed at the back of your head, a constant nagging feeling that cursed every negative thought you had towards him. 

He felt it too. It had been years since he had been so open with another human being, letting his walls down and happily inviting you in. It felt right.

He didn’t feel like he had to hide from you, the bond you shared creating a tangible chain between the pair of you. 

He was still a man with needs, the pressures and stresses of his role had led him to a pleasure house or two in his time. Having a need for that primal release grounded him, reminding him that he was still flesh and bone. 

He didn’t feel that when it came to you. 

He simply enjoyed your presence, the soft sound of your giggles when he misspelled a word (only because he was distracted by you),the way your brows furrowed and forehead creased when he said no to you.

He couldn’t take his eyes away from you when he had first bought you back to his room. He had intended to put you in his bed and go about his day but he just couldn’t. It didn’t help that when your back hit the soft surface of his sheets that a small whimper left your lips, your delicate fingers curing in his robes as he tried to pry you away from the warmth of his body. As much as he wanted to hold you in his arms till the end of time he still had a role to uphold. 

His intentions didn’t last long. 

The sight of your body curling into itself as you gripped the silk sheets tighter to your chest had him reeling. He didn’t want to take his eyes away from you, so he didn’t. 

Instead pulling up a chair adjacent to his bed and getting comfortable, watching every move you made and feeling every breath you took.

It might have sounded creepy to anyone else but he was fascinated. Never in his life had he ever been so close to someone, not even his parents. 

“Hoth to Kylo! Anyone in there?”

Your tender voice broke him away from his wandering thoughts. Shattering his razor thin self control to a thread. 

“Sorry. Just thinking.” 

You hummed softly in acknowledgement. 

Did he just apologise to you? 

Maker have mercy on your soul. 

He hadn’t noticed that you had begun to gather the plates, scraping the left over food onto one so it could be disposed of easier. 

Kylo’s chambers were composed of separate rooms, although his sleeping space was the largest of them all he still had smaller separated areas. A small kitchen that held basic utilities and then his bathroom, although it was conjoined to his room it was still a separate appendage. 

Stacking the plates you balanced them gingerly between your fingers and made your way around the corner to his kitchen. 

His brows raised in a mixture of confusion and disbelief. 

“Don’t worry about those. I can get someone to do it.” 

He heard the water of the sink begin to run and the echoing clatter of dishes being placed into it. Then a head of silver hair popped around the corner, one brow raised and lips pressed upto one side. 

“And feel even more useless then I do already? I don’t think so mr supreme leader. I’ve had a boring day as it is.” 

The words spilled past your lips quicker then you could catch them, of course the blatant flirting and steamy run ins with Kylo today had sparked a fire in you but the rest of it had been boring, hours spent staring at the durasteel walls. You thought you’d offend him. 

He chuckled. Low and genuine. 

“I wouldn’t class being scared to death by a general and his men boring. You could have been killed.” 

Quickly retreating back to the sink to turn it off you came back around the corner, full body now in Kylo’s view. Arms folded, lips pressed into a thin line as you glared at the floor. 

“But I wasn’t killed I’m still here. Until you decide when to dispose of me.” 

Again the words were spilling out of your mouth like vomit, leaving the same foul taste on your tongue. 

Now he was taken back. His tongue pressed on the roof of his mouth while he decided how to respond to you. He knew the wine was partly responsible for your loose lipped confessions but it still stung that you thought that little of him. 

“After all the trouble I went through to get to you do you really think that I would want rid of you? I sense your purpose as do you, we both sense the real reason why we’re connected. Don’t try to fool me.” 

Although you couldn’t see them you knew his eyes were on you, boring holes into your skull as he spoke. His tone was sincere but strong. 

“It doesn’t seem real. I’m nothing, I have no name and nothing to show for my accomplishments. Wasting away in a resistance base until I wake up here, with you. I feel it Kylo but I feel like I’m being tricked.” 

His eyes were still on you. 

“You think too little of yourself Verena. I have seen what you are capable of, the things that you will do are going to make a difference. A new wave of change is upon us and we need to tame it, make it our own and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

Him speaking so freely sent butterflies to your stomach. He wasn’t the type of man to mince his words or give credit where it wasn’t do. 

Did he really believe in you? 

Tears breached your water line and littered your lashes. Quite sobs wracked through your body as you still stood in the entry way, eyes down cast as you watched the tears hit the floor below you. Your entire body felt numb and your senses gave way to a new shudder of fatigue that threatened to singe the corners of your existence. 

You didn’t notice the scuffing of Kylo’s chair against the steel or the sound of his boots hitting the floor with intent as he leapt to close his arms around your frame. Two strong arms incasing you in a hold that made you feel like you were home, the warmth radiated off him and pierced your icy cold self confidence, melting away your troubles as you leant into his chest. 

Broken sobs now tearing through your throat painfully as he held you silently, one arm stroking your hair while the other rubbed comforting circles on your back. 

Thoughts flooded your mind and blinded you. 

Memories of your abandonment on Hoth, training with Leia, teens slightly older then yourself pushing you into the dirt as they walked past you, your older brother sticking up for you when someone stole your saber, being restrained by four different men as you roared in anguish at the pilot before you who’s nose was now splintered and gushing blood, the growing distance between your only blood relative as you continued down a violent anger filled path.

Memories of multiple meetings with the committee as they demanded your lightsaber be removed from your possession, labelling you as an out of control monster that needed recalibration. You remembered the audacity of General Organa as she scolded you like a child, aged eyes staring into yours as she warned you to get a grip, telling you she would no longer stick up for you. 

They did this to you. They turned you into what you were today, their constant taunts and prods dissipating shreds of your sanity brick by brick over the years. Their jealousy of your heritage to your lightsaber and your constant attention from Leia fuelled their hatred toward you.  
Their hatred and anguish only being transfused into your own blood stream. 

The resistance would fall. 

It would fall at your hand. 

The convulsions in your body began to shrink and your breathing started to still. 

His voice vibrated in his chest as he spoke against your cheek. 

“Now you understand.” 

Your eyes met his as you looked up at him through wet lashes. 

“People like them don’t wish to understand people like us. They seek to destroy us. I bought you here before they got the chance.” 

More tears brimmed in your eyes as he spoke. His still ungloved hands moved to wipe them away before they fell. 

“My master sensed my power, he attempted to kill me while I slept. Leia kept you there because she knew of your destiny, she knew that your fall to the darkside would be the birth of a new order. So she kept you isolated in an attempt to keep you from me. Fear rules their minds and leads them to weakness, you and I do not have that weakness.” 

His words held truth and power. 

You knew he was right. 

Tails around the campfire told stories of the fall of Ben Solo, seduced by the darkside as heburnt down the Jedi temple and killed his comrades in cold blood. Slicing down anyone in his way.

The thoughts used to make your stomach churn but standing here now demolished them. He wasn’t a man that did unjustified things, Luke Skywalker really had tried to kill him. You sensed the truth deep within Kylo’s bones, the images still haunted him at night. 

You and Kylo were more alike then you could ever imagine. The light within your beings snuffed out by the very people that created it, breaking you apart and tearing you at the seams. 

Cerulean eyes met with golden honey. 

“I know what I have to do Kylo but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” 

His eyes softened as he pulled you closer, your arms wrapped around his torso and his head settled on top of yours. 

“You are stronger then you know little one.” 

The two of you stood there for what felt like hours, soft breathing synchronising as you held onto each other. 

Kylo was first to pull away. His hands fell to either side of you neck as he rubbed the tender flesh under his thumbs. 

His eyes roamed your face, despite your bloodshot eyes and running nose you were still beautiful in his eyes. The picture of perfect innocence, yet he knew that you were a raging spitfire underneath the disguise. 

You smiled softly up at him and his eyes softened in return. The silence between the two of you was always deafeningly loud, in the best way possible. 

Without another word he took your hand in his and turned away, pulling you along behind him as he made his way to the bathroom. 

Tiredness clamped around your muscles as you struggled to match his pace, yawning and rubbing your eyes with your free hand. 

Today had been exhausting physically and mentally. 

The two of you crossed the threshold of his refresher. He let go of your hand as he moved toward the grand bathtub, turning on both streams of water while he held one hand under them attempting to find the perfect temperature. 

A soft whine found his ears, looking back he saw you mid yawn. Tired eyes squeezed shut as you swayed on the spot slightly, trying hard not to fall asleep there and then. 

His heart constricted at the sight. 

He could get used to this. 

Once the tub was relatively full he made his way back over to you. 

Tenderly pulling the lace garment down over your shoulders and past your chest. Without the wine and eagerness to sleep in your system you might have been shy, but you didn’t care. 

Kylo made it very clear when he wanted you in that way, right now he was simply just trying to make you comfortable. Attempting to help you clean yourself before he let you sleep. 

Th rest of your dress pooled around your ankles as it slipped past your waist, you stood there in your undergarments before Kylo. 

Practically naked to his eye and completely vulnerable. If he thought that you were breathtaking with your clothes on then he was in for a shock when he raked his eyes across your almost naked skin. 

Freckles littered your shoulders, small faded scars contrasting to the complexion of your skin, black lace bra hugging your mounds perfectly as the flesh was slightly pushed up, your thighs were plump and looked soft to the touch. 

Your whole body was a powerful vessel, although you might appear frail deep down you were a well trained individual, toned muscles and a well tuned cardiovascular system. 

Your physical form made it clear to Kylo that you were in-fact as human as he was. Body subjected to the training of your elders, manipulated like modelling clay until you were the perfect fighter. 

“You’re staring.” 

For what felt like the thousandth time today your voice snapped him away from his thoughts, anchoring him back to the daydream before him. 

“Can you blame me?” 

It was a genuine question. He had never seen anything so beautiful. 

You chuckled softly at him, disregarding his comments as him trying to make you feel better. Stepping out of the dress and your boots your bare feet hit the cold tiled floor. 

“You are something else Kylo Ren.”

You pat him on the chest as you walked by, dragging your corpse over to the steaming body of water. 

Reaching your hand into the clear liquid you hummed contently. Just right. 

Kylo shifted behind you as you heard him digging around in a cupboard under the sink. He fished out a couple of transparent bottles, they appeared to be shampoo, conditioner and a body wash. You assumed. 

He came over to you and set them down on the edge of the tub, ruffling your hair with his free hand. 

You liked the way he acted around you. It was as if all his troubles and inner turmoils melted away, simply just being himself. 

You began pulling your bra straps over your shoulders when he turned and headed for the door. 

“You’re not staying?”

He froze when you spoke, pivoting on his heel to face you again. 

“You want me to?”

It was more of a question then a statement. His eyes held something you didn’t recognise. 

You did want him to stay. His aura soothed you, his body close to yours caused inner tranquility. You couldn’t put you finger on it but the connection only grew stronger.  
Pulling you in tighter and tighter. 

“Please Kylo. I just don’t want to be alone.”

The sadness in your voice flowed through kylo like a forest fire, the mirrored emotion nearly taking a hold of him. 

He couldn’t feel that anymore. 

“No funny business?”

The softness of his voice put you at ease. 

You laughed and continued taking off the rest of your bra. 

“No funny business.”

Kylo rolled his eye with a smirk and crossed his arms over his waist, grabbing the hem of his tunic and pulling it over his head. 

Just as you were about to reach behind yourself to pop the clasp of your bra your eyes were pulled away as they settled on Kylo. 

His bare chest in front of you, it was wide and strong, deep scars and fresh bruises littered his well built abs and thick muscles. 

Feeling them through his clothing earlier didn’t compare to seeing the real thing. The sight made your knees weak and loins ache even in your sleepy state. 

Your eyes lingered for as long as they could before he clicked his tongue. 

“Now who’s staring?” 

That dangerous smirk spread across his face, the skin of his cheeks dimpling on one side. 

Jackass

“Can you blame me?” 

The thoughts of what you would do to his body if he let you crawled through your mind, burrowing themselves right at the forefront of your brain. Unwilling to move. 

A dark laugh vibrated from his throat, even darker eyes meeting yours. 

“Still thinking so loud little one.” 

He hooked his large thumbs into the waistband of his pants, shrugging them down over his muscular thighs and kicking them off along with his boots. 

The both of you stood there in silence. Drinking in the image of each other’s bodies, almost completely bare. If you had any doubts that Kylo Ren wasn’t human then the taught glowing skin that hugged his frame proved you wrong. 

Black boxers were the only thing hiding his dignity from your burning eyes. 

In a flash he was walking towards you, the dark curls of his hair pushing back as he did. 

You squeezed your eyes shut and your breath got stuck in your throat. 

His long anticipated touch never came. 

You turned on your heel as the sound of water sloshing met your ear drums. 

When your eyes found him he was already submerging himself in the water. The broad muscles of his back rippling under his movement as you stared at it, somewhere along the way he’d ridded himself of his boxers. A content sigh left his lips as he leant back against the tub, resting a large arm on each side of it. 

“Your turn kid.” 

Suddenly you felt hot under his gaze, his dark hungry eyes drifted up your body and back down again. 

Swallowing the growing mass of anxiety in your throat you reached back for the clasp of your bra. It wasn’t the fear of being exposed to him, it was the fear you wouldn’t be what he was expecting. 

His brows knit and his stare turned hard. 

He definitely heard you. 

Water sloshed softly and your eyes trailed from the darkly tiled floor upto kylo. 

Covering his eyes with his hand. 

What the fuck? 

“You forget that I can hear you. Be quick or I’ll look.”

There was a hint of playfulness in his voice as his lip turned up at the side slightly. 

Quickly discarding your underwear you tiptoed over to the tub, tongue in your cheek as you focused on not slipping. Just as you lifted your leg to step into the tub you could have sworn you saw Kylo sneak a peak at you through his fingers. 

Little shit. 

Reaching down you took a palm full of water and splashed it in his direction, earning you a soft laugh in response as he placed a second hand over the one already covering his eyes. 

People were so wrong about him. 

A pleasured sigh spilled past your parted lips as you submerged yourself into the water, the near boiling temperature already working on soothing your aching muscles. 

You were now fully submerged in the water from the shoulders down. 

“You can look now.”

Instantly Kylo retracted both hands from his face and met your eyes, again. 

He didn’t say anything but gave you a ghost of a smile, his eyes saying more then any word ever could. 

You yawned for a third time, the caressing warmth of the water doing nothing to fight off the impending sleep that tried to grasp you. 

The two of you were sat across from each other, the large tub surprisingly accommodating both of your bodies. Kylo sat with one his legs crossed underneath him while the other was outstretched, you sat with your legs criss crossed leaning the side of your head onto the edge of the tub as slumber continued to prod at your brain. 

“Come here.” 

Humming in confusion you met Kylo’s dark eyes, the light from the room shifting a honey glow in his irises. 

He held out his hand above the water and you took it without hesitation. 

He pulled you towards him as the water sloshed and splashed, some spilling over onto the floor. He took hold of your shoulders and gently spun you around so your back was facing his him, moving his legs so you sat snuggly between his thighs. He took your hair in both of his hands and moved it so that it was flowing down your back and easier for him to access. 

“What are you doing?” 

He didn’t answer you at first, too busy leaning forward to grab one of the bottles he had retrieved earlier. 

“Kylo?” 

He hummed from behind you, the sound rumbling in his throat. 

You repeated your question and he simply answered you by flashing you a glance of the bottle in his hand. 

He was going to wash your hair.  
kylo fucking Ren was going to wash your hair.

Soon his fingers rooted deep into your scalp as he massaged the minty scented lather into the fibres of your hair.

  
It smelt like him.

A series of soft moans and praises left your mouth as he shifted between washing your hair and rubbing your shoulders, you knew he was in your head but the man knew exactly where to rub. 

After rinsing your hair he did his own, occasionally splashing you when you threatened to fall asleep against his chest. 

He didn’t fancy wrestling your slick lifeless body across the bathroom and into his room tonight. Your were both too tired for that. 

He lathered himself in the cedarwood body wash and did the same for you. 

To some degree. 

You ripped the bottle from his hands and insisted that you do it yourself when he pinched the flesh of your ribs to wake you up. 

He just laughed off your bratty behaviour, he knew just how tired you were, it was rubbing off on him. 

The two of you were now squeaky clean and were engaging in small talk, chatting about tomorrow’s plans and mainly just yourself reminiscing on the food you had earlier. 

Fatigue crept into your soul inch by inch as the time passed, threatening to tear you away from the waking world. 

“Come on, up you get.” 

You whined as Kylo moved to stand behind you, effectively taking your chest pillow with him. Holding your biceps in his hand he pulled you up with him, swiftly stepping out of the tub and lifting you with no effort. Your bare feet hit the icy floor and it sent a shiver up your spine, Kylo moved to a rack behind the tub and grabbed two towels, wrapping one around his waist while he used the other one to wrap under your arms, tucking it in neatly so that it didn’t slip. You didn’t care that he had now seen you completely nude, too tired to acknowledge the burning need that flashed over his eyes for a millisecond. 

You were dreaming, you had to be. That same gentleness Kylo had shown you before was back and it looked as if this version of his being might be a regular occurrence. 

He ushered you out of the bathroom and back into the eery darkness, moving you towards a tall door that sat beside his bed. You swayed on the spot as you tried to stay upright, yawning once more. 

The door opened by itself before Kylo dug around it’s contents, growling when something fell with a soft thud. 

Not a second later he pulled the tucked towel from your chest and used the force to raise your arms above your head. Your mind swirled as your tired state took in the softness of his face, tongue in his cheek as he worked the long sleeves over your hands and elbows, brows no longer knitted and strained but soft and relaxed. He pulled the oversized sweater over your head and yanked it down so it covered you fully, the sheer size of it causing it to end mid thigh.

The fabric of it was worn yet soft, fraying stitches on the edges and tiny tears here and there. It was the comfiest thing you had ever felt in your life. 

He caught you staring at him and pressed his index finger into your forehead until you fell back into a seated position on his bed. Eyes still not leaving his, he chuckled and turned away, fishing a dark garment out of the same place as his sweater. 

You choked on your own spit as he dropped the towel from around his waist. Back muscles once again rippling under the stress of his movements as he bent slightly to pull on his boxers, that’s when your eyes trailed to his-

“Enjoying the view little one?” 

His smug face looked at you from over his shoulder. 

He caught you staring...again! 

“S-shut up!” 

You shuffled back into the bed, laying so you were on the side furthest away, back facing towards him as your cheeks burned in embarrassment. 

Just as your mind began to drift into unconsciousness you felt the bed dip as he added his weight to it, pulling the thin silk covers over the two of you as he settled behind you, chest flush to your back while he snaked his strong arms around your waist, tangling your legs together and burying his head in the crook of your neck. 

On one hand you felt your heart swell over the fact that he had become so comfortable with you so quickly like you had with him, you knew his intentions were true, But on the other hand it saddened you that he sought out your warm touch so frantically, as if it had been a lifetime since someone had shown him any thread of affection. 

“It has.” 

His husky voice vibrated against your shoulder blade as he spoke, hands unconsciously tightening around your middle. 

“It has.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Kudos and the support!


	9. This is what it feels like to let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first day by Kylo’s side doesn’t live up to your expectations, in the most delicious way possible.

“Kylo slow down for kriffs sake!”

The grogginess of your voice sounded like sandpaper in your ears as you practically sprinted down the hall to catch up with the dark tower that was Kylo Ren. 

“No. Now hurry up.”

Asshole, you thought. 

“Watch it little one.”

It was a blessing and a curse that Kylo held your mind in his hand so freely. The tiniest of thoughts were his to read and analyse. 

You huffed a gust of air out through your nose and picked up your speed to match his ridiculously large stride. 

“Where exactly are we going anyway?”

The morning so far had been a whirlwind, you woke up to the feeling of the bed empty beside you and immediately went into panic mode, turns out Kylo was just some freakish night owl that didn’t sleep past six in the morning. You found him awake and dressed at his desk and the rapid beating of your heart finally settled as your eyes landed on his uncovered face, bed head still very much present. It took some convincing for you to come with him, the thought of coming face to face with Hux still churned your stomach but having Kylo there ensured you nothing would happen. 

You’d be untouchable. 

He tossed you some clothes that you hadn’t seen before, you assumed he had them delivered to his quarters like the dress yesterday. 

They were very similar to his own robes, dark material wrapped tightly around your torso and hugged your curvatures,black plants paired with combat style boots that reached to the middle of your calves. With a long piece of material the wrapped down over both of your shoulders and tucked into a thick belt of leather, it feigned the look of a skirt but wasn’t enough material to be called that. You thought Kylo had lended you one of his own capes from the sheer size and weight of it, it was a thick and luxurious material. 

The heavy texture of the boots caused each step to seem louder then the last as you followed Kylo diligently. Weaving and navigating through the maze that was the First Order ship. 

“I need to discuss a matter of upmost importance with my subordinates.” 

He could practically hear the cogs turning in your head as you mulled over his words to try and come up with logical answers yourself. 

Then you spoke. 

“And what would that be?” 

His step shortened for a brief moment to allow you to catch up with him as you fell into step side by side, the visor of his mask met your eyes as you looked up at him through your lashes. 

“You.”

His modified voice sent a cold shiver up your spine as it echoed in your ears, the baby hairs on the back of your neck stood up. 

“Me? Why?” 

Without hesitating he was quick to answer your question. 

“So that I don’t have a repetition of yesterday’s events. They will get one warning and one warning only.” 

His words hit you harder then you had expected, yesterday’s events were still floating at the forefront of your mind. The phantom feeling of the general’s body clamped against your own sent a tremor of nausea throughout your entire body. 

You just wanted to forget it all. 

“I can’t rely on you to watch out for me the entire time I’m here Kylo.” 

The man paused for a moment, digesting your words and trying to come up with a solution. 

“Follow me.” 

This dude 

“I’ve been following you for the past thirty minutes.” 

You deadpanned but he didn’t respond, pace now quicker and more urgent. Robes flowing behind him in a curtain of darkness. 

You quickly jogged to follow him. 

He led the two of you down a more secluded passage and towards a grand door, he punched in a code and it hissed with air as it opened. You stayed rooted to the spot as he entered, he turned to you but didn’t say anything, simply offering you his hand for you to take. 

You took it as he pulled you into the room, door closing abruptly just as you crossed the threshold. 

Bright blue eyes scanned the room as Kylo shuffled around it, seemingly looking for something. It was a relatively large room filled with all kind of things, different trinkets and gadgets from far away planets were littered across the room, some simply thrown down and others on separate pedestals. Hearing a loud click your neck snapped in the direction of Kylo, he was hunched over a smallish box and pulled something out of it, a cylinder shaped object shrouded in a dark cloth. 

“Next time I won’t trust the troopers.”

Kylo muttered under his breath and you only caught a few of his words. 

He spun around to meet you and closed in. Boots thundering against the metal as he stopped just inches away from you. 

He extended his hand outwards to you, offering you the object in his grasp. 

He still wore the mask but you tried to meet his eyes none the less, searching for any indication of what he was hiding. 

“Take it and you’ll find out.” 

You softly punched his chest earning yourself a soft smack up the side of the head, laughing you took the object out of his hand. With the familiar weight and grip of the hilt you knew exactly what it was. 

Your lightsaber. 

Quicker then lightening you ripped the cloth that covered it, discarding it on the floor and relishing in the sight of your familiar battle arm. As much as you didn’t know your history you knew that the saber was the last legitimate object you had from your past, as useless as your birth parents had been you held onto the lightsaber through all your hardships. 

Never trading it or letting it into the wrong hands. It would follow you to your grave. 

Your finger tips ghosted over every ridge, every dint, every scratch, every mark. 

It held a deep importance to your existence. 

Happy tears threatened to fall past your water line, although you hadn’t been without it for long it still felt like you were missing a limb in it’s absence. When you woke up in Kylo’s bed with it no where to be seen you really thought that he had destroyed it, your last tie to the resistance and the light shattered to pieces before you woke. 

But here it was, tucked away in a vault for safe keeping. 

“You kept it. Y-you didn’t destroy it.” 

While your eyes never left your saber you heard the signature hiss of the Supreme Leader’s helmet, looking up you met his honey glazed irises and they glowed in the stutteringlight of the room. 

“Of course I kept it, you are tied to it as I am tied to mine. It calls to you and only you Verena.” 

His unmodified voice made your heart flutter, the roughness of it complimented his sincere tone and intertwined to compose a melody only your ears could hear. 

“Thank you Kylo. Really, this means a lot to me.” 

You moved your hand to his chest, covering the skin where his heart sat, beating steadily against it’s rib cage constraints. He placed his hand over yours and moved it to his lips, pecking the supple skin that covered your knuckles. 

The two of you could have stayed like that for hours, simply enjoying the serenity of each-others steady breathing. 

Kylo’s head snapped up to look at the digital clock that sat impeded into the wall above the door, cursing and replacing his helmet in a heart beat. He didn’t let go of your hand as he started out of the door again, this time moving even faster then he had before. 

Using your free hand you hooked your saber onto your waistband, ensuring your cape covered it the best it could. 

Within a few more twists and turns you were at your destination. You assumed. 

Kylo stopped abruptly, his hand still held tightly onto yours as you crashed into his broad back. You whined and rubbed your nose from the impact, this dude really was built like a Greek god. 

He checked your nose was okay then grabbed your shoulders, tightly. 

“Listen to me. Hux will no doubt be in there, do not let him think he has a hold on you. He will only use it to torment you further, you have my permission to deal with him at your own discretion should it be needed. Keep your chin up and keep a hard face, you keep your pleasantries for me and me alone. Understood?” 

Despite his words you didn’t feel belittled, didn’t feel like you were being scolded like a child. He treated you like an equal, despite looking down on you physically he couldn’t possibly think any higher of you. Although you couldn’t read his mind very well yet you could still feel the ghosts of his emotions, like a faint taste on your palette. 

“Understood Supreme Leader.” 

The playfulness in your voice made Kylo swallow down the spit that had collected on his tongue, he still had an image to uphold. Any more comments like that and you’d be tearing it down from underneath him. He was excited to have you work by his side but he also needed you to behave, as much as he wanted to pound you up against the durasteel wall he knew his subordinates would have some complaints. Not that he gave a fuck. 

“Watch that pretty mouth of yours, now come on.”

His hand found the small of your back as he ushered you into the room, you kept your eyes set straight but scanned the room in your peripherals. Generals and officers sat in an ornate order in their chairs around the grand table, the length of it ate up the large room. The room was constructed of dark steel and shiny metal, the large table sitting in the centre of it. A few troopers were dotted here and there in the corners and along the walls of the room, blasters held neatly against their chest as they didn’t move a muscle. The room also had multiple control panels and display screens along the adjacent walls. 

Just as Kylo had mentioned, your eyes caught forest green ones as you moved along with your leader. His hand still pressing firmly into your back guiding you along to the head of the table, you heard whispers and idle chatter as you walked, catching a glance at the still seething ginger. Scratches littered his throat and traveled under the collar of his uniform, the aftermath of his self inflicted struggle against the force. 

Kylo moved the chair at the head of the table using the force, not so carefully throwing his weight into it. You moved to stand beside it but before you could comprehend the gush of air passing your cheeks you were sat in his lap. His legs spread far apart as you sat sideways on his right thigh, feet dangling in the space between his boots. His right hand idly found your hair and he began to twirl it between his fingers, the action causing all the tension in your spine to melt away.His left hand sat on the arm rest of the chair, gloved fingers gripping it tightly in self control. He was trying not to choke the ginger sat right next to him. 

The Supreme Leader was almost surprised that Hux had turned up, part of the cowardly man would have stayed locked away in his chambers hiding from the neck snapping hands of Kylo Ren. The other annoying, pestering, perverted side of him wouldn’t miss this meeting for the world. But, one hair out of line and Kylo would not hesitate to snap his spine on the wall behind him. 

Desperate times, desperate measures and all that. 

The masked man continued his ministrations on your hair and cleared his throat. 

“Well gentlemen, should we get this over with?”

Hums and grumbles reverberated around the room in agreement with Kylo. 

Onesupervisor spoke up. He was an aged man with greying hair and prominent wrinkles hung on his features. 

“It seems we are all asking the same question Supreme Leader. Who is the girl?” 

You bit your tongue when the sound of his disgusted tone hit your ear drums. These people had no idea who you were yet they were quick to make assumptions and form opinions on you. Pricks. 

Kylo’s body vibrated underneath you as he chuckled, the sound drifting slowly and echoing from his mask. 

The ageing man raised a brow, clearly curious as to why Kylo was so amused. 

“She doesn’t like your tone Officer, better watch it.” 

Your body seemed to move in slow motion as your neck craned towards Kylo, wide eyes showing your surprise very clearly. 

What. The. Fuck. 

He heard you, not that you were intentionally trying to speak to him with your mind but it could work. 

Show them you aren’t to be messed with when you get the chance little one. Trust me. 

His words rung loud and clear in your head and you turned back to face the table. Eyes scanning the men surround you like a predator with it’s prey. Out for blood. 

The same officer spoke again, his tone less sharp then before. 

“My apologies. The question still stands however.” 

A moment of silence hung in the room. 

Did Kylo expect you to talk? Was he going to talk? 

“She is your new commander. She will rule alongside me and aid me in the destruction of the resistance, along with other duties yet to be digressed. She will aid in training the troopers and will have a commanding hand in my knights, she will join missions and aid us with her elite combat skills.” 

You felt your whole world explode. Eyes wide and mouth agape as you tried to process his words as quickly as possible. 

Did he really just say all that? Was this just for show? 

Introduce yourself. 

His voice was as soft in your head as it was spoken in the real realm. 

His hand moved from your hair to press onto the small of your back, signalling you to stand. 

Standing up you stood strong, a powerful stance and your chin tilted upwards. Eyes like stone holding no remorse or emotion, this is the way things should be. You allowed your mind to flash all the painful visions of your past, further igniting the dark spark within you. 

“I am Verena. Commander of the First Order and right arm to the Supreme Leader.” 

Your voice didn’t waver to your surprise, sounding strong and clear as it echoed through the vastness of the room. 

Blind rage clouded your vision as you heard General Hux stifle a laugh, both yours and Kylo’s heads snapped to him in unison. 

But before Kylo could get to him you were already there. 

An amethyst glow illuminated the room as the tip of your lightsaber stood dangerously close to the ginger’s jugular. It’s rising heat igniting a sweat on his brow, eyes wide in fear as his greasy locks fell onto his forehead. 

It felt amazing. 

Not even 24 hours ago this man had you pinned against a wall, frozen in fear as you suffered silently. Now, here he was, completely at your mercy. Lip trembling as he tried not to swallow, the fear that the bulging of his Adam’s apple would hit the plasma blade. 

You snarled and a gargled laugh bubbled in your throat. This is what it felt like to let go, to allow yourself to be incased in your own primal instincts and fall into the bliss that was limitless power. In that moment you felt like you could make the galaxy kneel at your feet. 

Kylo smirked behind his mask, your emotions radiating off of you in tsunami like waves. He needed you to snap, he needed you to finally let go of the tether to the light. 

The look of primal rage etched onto your face told him that the tether was now in tatters, blowing loosely in the metaphorical wind. 

“Something amusing general?”

Your voice was cold and condescending, hissing your words through gritted teeth as it took all your will power not to drive your saber straight through his chest. 

He didn’t answer you, lip still quivering and wide forest eyes boring into yours. 

You looked at Kylo in your peripherals and he looked as cool as ever, helmet leaning against his hand as he looked at you intently. 

Daring you. 

Extinguishing your saber you saw Hux physically relax, shoulders slumping in his seat as he swallowed. 

Before he could even attempt to defy your actions you took his jaw in you hand, just as he had done to you. The strain on your bicep burnt as you mustered up every ounce of strength you had to constrict his mandible in your fingers. His lanky fingers grabbed your wrist and Kylo jumped in his seat but you put your free hand up to him. Signaling him to stay put.

There was no strength to Hux’s touch, he wasn’t going to fight his way out of this one. 

“I asked you a question.” 

As the pressure increased he released a string of noises, whines and whimpers intertwined with what sounded like words. 

You couldn’t tell. 

You wracked his head in your hand, blue eyes piercing through his body. 

He shook his head violently, attempting to answer you. 

Good enough. 

You released his jawbone and gripped his left shoulder instead. Painfully digging your fingers into the flesh of his scapula, he bit his lip to stop the pitiful cries of pain threatening to spill out. 

“Now general, that wasn’t so hard was it? Hmm?” 

You feigned a smile, eyes squeezing shut as your nails now attempted to pierce his skin through his well pressed uniform. 

Yet he still didn’t acknowledge your question, a lesson needed to be learnt. 

With a loud grunt you grabbed the back of his neck and slammed his face into the strong metal table, a painfully loud crack followed by a wail filled the room and bounced off the walls. Blood splattered the clean smooth surface and continued to drip from the General’s face as he tried to nurse his nose with his hands, droplets of blood escaping through his fingers and cascading down his palm. 

You leant back on your heels and admired your handy work, it felt good. 

Really fucking good. 

With hands on your hips you pivoted on the spot, eyeing up your next potential targets still seated around the room. 

A trooper rushed to Hux’s side and offered him a cloth for his face, he snatched it immediately and continued to try and catch the blood from his clearly broken nose. 

“Anyone else have anything to laugh at?” 

The men shifted in their seats and mumbles consisting of “no”, “no thank you” and “no ma’am” danced into your ear drums. 

That’s more like it. 

“Good. We’re on the same page then.”

You turned back to Kylo with a smile. 

A genuine smile. 

He nodded his head at you and pat his thigh, signalling for you to sit in the position as before. 

You happily obliged and hopped into his lap, his hand found your hair again as he twisted the fibres between his fingers. 

He spoke in a bored tone. 

“Now that that’s out of the way is there anything else anyone wishes to bring to my attention. I have more important matters to deal with other then dealing with childish behaviours from Generals.” 

The visor of Kylo’s helmet drifted over to look at Hux, white cloth now completely stained crimson red and seeping with excess liquid. 

“If that is all it might be best we terminate this meeting here. Let General Hux have his face attended to in the medical wing.” 

If the man wasn’t in immense pain he might have had a snarky comeback for his leader but he hung his head instead. His pride had taken more of a beating then his face. 

Again more hums of agreement sounded round the room as chairs screeched and scuffed against the floor. Officers shaking hands and generals bidding each other farewell as they exited the room. 

Hux glared at you from over his shoulder as he left, you simply gleamed in his direction. There was no way he would fuck with you again.

The last straggler left the room as the door hissed closed. 

As soon as the metal door hit the ground the hissing of Kylo’s helmet vibrated in your eardrum, shaking his head as he removed it and leaning forward to place it on the table, simultaneously placing a hand on the small of your back to avoid his chest pushing you off of him. 

Your eyes met and your bodies both softened at the same time, adrenaline still ran rampant through your veins and your pulse was quick and erratic. He moved his hand to push a stray hair out of your eyesight, tucking it neatly behind your ear. Your fingers found the collar of his tunic as yours fiddled with it, your fingers traced his skin and he jumped slightly, causing you both to chuckle. 

“Considering how hot headed you are I’m surprised your hands are so cold.” 

He reached for your hands as he spoke, using his teeth to pull his gloves off and placing his large calloused hands over yours. He rubbed them softly, transferring the warmth of his palms into your own skin. 

It was a heart squeezing gesture. 

“You can hardly call anyone hot headed Kylo.” 

You lifted your brow at him as he insisted he was cool as a cucumber. 

Utter bullshit. 

The two of you sat there for a few moments, simply enjoying each other’s warmth for a few quite minutes. 

His rough voice broke the silence. 

“My knights will be here any minute.” 

Your eyes met his as you pondered. 

“What’s on the agenda?” 

He linked his hands with yours and set the in his lap. 

“Your first mission.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for kudos! 
> 
> Currently in the process of editing previous chapters so updates may be slightly slower.


	10. You and your silver tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the new Commander of the First Order, Kylo introduces you to his knights.
> 
> Your first mission is approaching fast.  
> How will you handle it?

The sound of the large metal door hissing from across the room had you practically leaping from Kylo’s lap. 

Not because you were scared of being caught in such a suggestive position but because the Knights of Ren were about to be partially under your control. 

They needed to respect you as much as they respected Kylo, looking like some sort of lapdog wasn’t the best image to begin with. 

Kylo stood from his chair, legs wide and hands clasped firmly behind his back. He didn’t move to replace his helmet in front of his knights, thank god. 

You stood right by his side and mimicked his stance, instead clasping your hands in front of you. 

One by one the towering men strode into the room, each of them having a unique weapon and sporting a helmet, similar but not identical to each other. 

As they filed in Kylo prodded at your mind, providing you with the names of each man. Saving you from having to ask. 

Ap'lek, Cardo, Kuruk, Trudgen, Ushar, and Vicrul. 

Definitely not hard to remember at all. 

You took note of the names and recited them over and over, attempting to embed them into your memory. 

They moved to stand in a uniform line, resting their weapons and standing strongly. 

“My knights of Ren. I have someone who I would like you to meet, this is Verena Ren. 

Your new Commander.” 

Every time Kylo opened his mouth it seemed he would enlighten you further into something else you hadn’t agreed on. Brilliant. 

You were completely taken back by the use of his name, this was real. He was really giving you control. 

“She will accompany you on missions and aid you in future trooper retrievals. I trust that you will treat her as one of your own and protect her with your lives. You are replaceable, she however is not.” 

His words sounded harsh in your ears but the knights all nodded in unison. Agreeing without hesitation to sacrifice their own lives before they saw you injured. The information struggled to enter your mind due to the sheer magnitude of it, almost too much for your head to wrap around. 

“I trust that you accomplished what I asked of you yesterday regarding Hux. Ushar, Vicrul?” 

Vicrul stepped forward, adjusting his phrik scythe so that it sat on his shoulder. His voice was like sandpaper as it drifted through the modulator of his mask. 

You wondered what he would sound like without it. 

“Yes Master Ren. After searching his quarters we still came up with nothing evident, he claimed his data-pad had been wiped clean along with all of them on the ship.” 

It was time for Ushar to step forward. Partially dragging his war club weapon behind him, settling the blunt end of it on the floor as he leant his weight onto it for support. For reasons unknown to you. 

“We asked one of the technicians to search the data collection bases and tap into the wiring system, that way we can pin point exactly where and when all of the data-pads were wiped. Nothing has come back yet but we will alert you as soon as we hear word Master Ren.” 

Kylo’s eyes hardened and he have the two men a curt nod. 

“Excellent. It appears Verena here has already tought Hux a valuable lesson regarding his manners. If anything is to happen in future I will see to it that either myself or you are the ones to punish him further. Understood?” 

In perfect unison the men straightened. Grasping their weapons till their knuckles turned white, the bloodlust in the room growing tenfold as each of them envisioned what they would do the weasley auburn haired man. Each vision gorier then the last. It sent their hearts thundering and their blood pumping. 

“Yes Master Ren.”

Each of the men spoke in a choir, their voices almost aligning perfectly with one another. 

Your brain was completely frazzled, you had no idea what Kylo was talking about. Something about data-pads and information being tampered with, you didn’t understand what the group of men were conversing over but the one thing you did know was that Hux had fucked up, and bad. 

It came as no surprise to you that he had been the one to do something so foolish, his ego really did spike a slur of jealousy in him. 

He reeked of it. 

Kylo’s eyes met yours as if he sensed your confusion, they softened slightly and his soft voice found it’s way into your head again. 

We’ll talk about it later. Say something to them. 

He snapped you out of your trance as he placed his firm hand on your back, giving you the boost you needed to face the group of towering muscle men. 

You hesitated slightly but Kylo’s words throbbed in your skull. 

You needed to show them who you were. 

“I am Verena Ren. The new Commander of the Knights of Ren and right arm to the Supreme Leader.” 

You puffed out your chest and lifted your chin, eyes like daggers staring into the masks before you. If Kylo wanted you to save your pleasantries for him then that’s what you would do, you didn’t owe anything to anyone else. It was time to show no remorse, become what you were meant to be. 

The men bowed their heads in respect, silently giving you their devotion. 

The room hung in silence for a few moments, no one moving and no noise escaping. 

Kylo cleared his throat and bid his men farewell, his words were lost to you as he conversed with them further discussing the tasks he had in store for them today. 

Your mind was too busy trying to digest all the information that was trying to soak into it, your new name, your new title, your new purpose. 

It was all too much. 

Your legs threatened to give way as you quickly steadied your self on the edge of the table, the last knight Cardo was just leaving as Kylo shut the door with the Force. The sound of your hand catching your own weight against the metal had him by your side at light-speed. He caught you against his chest and weaved your arm over his shoulder for support. 

“Are you okay?”

The wavering concern in his voice had your head splitting, his gentle voice was one thing but this was other-worldly. 

“I’m fine Kylo. Just a lot to take in that all.” 

He didn’t hesitate to place his arm under your thighs as he lifted you to sit on the edge of the table. Holding you steady and ensuring you stayed upright, your mind felt foggy and was clouded with infinite swirling emotions running rampant. 

He gave you his name. 

This was all real. 

You came back to your senses when you felt his warm hand on your cheek, his honey tinted irises searching yours. Somehow you had blocked him off again and he didn’t know how. 

He couldn’t read you at all, you were completely blank to him. 

He knew you were still weak in the force but the two of you could still share emotions, visions and speak to each other through it. He had felt you prodding at his mind on numerous occasions but you had never pushed further, partly because you were incapable and partly because you didn’t want to. You wanted him to want you to know about his life, although he had shared his experiences with you he had gone into little detail. You figured he would tell you when he was ready to, so you never provoked him further. 

You were still too weak to begin using the force in more tangible ways, and you could rarely block him off to this magnitude. Confusion swirled in his eyes as he continued to try and break through your walls. 

You placed your hand over his as it still laid on your cheek, eyes searching his as a slurry of your own confusion and fear began to take hold. 

“Kylo?” 

His thumbs rubbed against your tender skin as he acknowledged his name falling from your lips. 

“I need to know that this is real. My whole life I’ve never had a purpose and now here I am, supposedly the new Commander of the Knights of Ren. I can’t help but feel like this is all a cruel joke being played, I feel something that I’ve never felt before and it scares me.” 

You still had light in you, little were you aware that Kylo did too. He felt it flow through him at all times, your presence only heightening the feeling of it whenever he touched you. It created a balance within the two of you, Kylo had tried to suffocate the thread of light that still lay imbedded deep within but he learnt quickly that it was futile. That small grasp on the light still allowed him to feel, he wanted to feel. His feelings towards you. He never wanted them to go away, he wanted you to stay by his side until the end of existence. 

He didn’t want to forget what it felt like waking up next to you, what his heart felt when he saw you smile, how his mind swam when your ass pressed against his groin while you slept. 

He never wanted to forget what it felt like to adore you. 

He wasn’t going soft. Kylo Ren had always harboured that microscopic soft spot, it reminded him that he wasn’t just a beast behind a metal mask. He could still feel. 

Kylo knew exactly what you were feeling. The darkness and the light inside you were adjusting, becoming situated with each other and finding the perfect balance of merciless, carnal rage while you still beamed at him. Still loved the way his skin felt against your own. 

He would ensure that the light in you never faded, he would help you find the balance. 

“I gave you my name because that is your destiny. You weren’t given a family name so I’ve given you mine, you’re part of the First Order now.” 

Your chin dropped and tears brimmed in your irises, your heart ached as you thought about your future. You really wanted this, yet a nagging feeling in the back of your mind was conflicted. After years of restraint you had finally been set free, so what was stopping you?

“You’re part of me Verena. I need you here, with me.” 

He hooked his finger under your chin to make you look up at him and his eyes strained as he noticed your tears. 

He didn’t hesitate in enveloping your lips in his, the warmth of them moving together melted away your worries. 

Kylo Ren grounded you to a tangible being. 

Without him you were sure you would crumble. 

The kiss deepened as his tongue slid across your bottom lip, seeking entrance. You allowed him in, both your tongues dancing in a delicious way as he stifled a moan in his throat. His hands tangled in your hair as your arms hooked around his neck, he would die a happy man in your arms. 

He pulled away with heaving breathes as he steadied himself, his hands either side of your thighs on the table you sat on. One of your hands left his shoulders as you pulled his chin to your lips, planting one last lingering kiss on his still tingling lips. 

As his eyes stared into yours you saw a flash of mischief in them, lingering and swirling in his irises. 

“Can you fly?” 

His question took you off guard as you scoffed. 

“To some extent. Why?” 

“Then let’s go.”

He yanked you from the table and moved to grab his discarded mask and gloves. In the next moment he was pulling you along behind him down the corridors, the passing hallways were unfamiliar to your eyes and you quickly realised you weren’t headed in the direction of his quarters. 

Instead the distant image of the ship hangar come into your view, bustling with life and constant commotion. The buzz of life sent a chill up your spine. 

“Where are we going?”

You could hide the excitement in your voice as you jogged to keep up with your leader. 

“Coruscant.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 250 hits! 🖤


	11. A Higher Price For Her Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coruscant was a beautiful and vibrant planet incased in culture and life. 
> 
> The locals however, not so much.

The journey to Coruscant was a blur. 

After squealing about the gorgeous stars and constellations for what felt like an eternity to the hazel eyed man you were knocked out within an hour as you curled up in the passenger seat like a kitten on a pillow, blissfully unaware of the dangers that lie ahead. Dreaming of nothing and just getting lost in the black void of your mind, sleep was the only time when you were truly at peace, never having to worry about your future or reminisce about your past. 

It was a peaceful alternative to the many anguish filled nights back with the resistance, sleep was a cruel mistress back then. Just when you thought you could finally drift off into a peaceful slumber you were ripped into the same reoccurring nightmare. It not only haunted you in the real world but followed you into the realm of sleep. 

Never being able to escape it. 

Vicrul, Ushar and Kuruk had also joined yourself and Kylo on the shuttle to your new destination. You were surprised that Kylo was so willing to trust you so early, taking you away from the First Order was a big deal. Yet he thought nothing of it, not hesitating for a second as he dragged you to his shuttle. 

After initially piloting the ascent of the shuttle Kylo had set the destination and switched the ship into auto pilot. Ordering his knights to go and rest while he kept an eye on the controls, or rather keeping the sight of you curled up in the seat next to him all to himself. 

That same heavy weight in his chest appeared the longer he stared at your sleeping form, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it but he had his suspicions. He was head over heels. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit to himself that he had his entire heart stolen so quickly and easily it was inevitable. Even when he wasn’t around you he could hear you, see you,  feel you. It drove him insane but he welcomed it, what he would give to leave his power behind and take you to the edge of the galaxy, run away and hide you from the terrors of war. 

He broke away from that train of thought. No, you and him were born leaders. It was your destiny to bring a new order to the galaxy and destroy the resistance once and for all. 

It was time to fulfil your purpose.

The sound of your soft snores shattered his concentration, your face scrunched up as you shifted in the seat to try and find a comfortable position, ultimately failing due to it’s small size and hard leather exterior. His eyes softened as he continued to watch you, the steady rise and fall of your chest as you slept, your long icy hair sprawled in all different directions, long lashes fluttering against your eye lids every now and then. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he heard the almost silent sound of your teeth chattering, mindlessly tucking your hands into your robes as you tried to warm them. Upon entering the shuttle you had discarded your cloak elsewhere, Kylo leant across the small gap between the two of you and placed his ungloved hand on your cheek. 

You were freezing. 

In a split second he was hovering over you as he hooked one of his hands under your knees and used the other to cradle your shoulders while he lifted you effortlessly. He turned back to his own seat and sat down steadily, it was slightly bigger then the one he had plucked you out of and held the two of you solidly. He set your head against his chest as you sat sideways in his lap with the ends of your feet hanging off the arm of the chair. He leant forward slightly and wrapped his cloak around the two of you, enclosing you in the warm fabric and tightly burrowing you upto your cheeks. You hummed in your sleep at the warmth, wriggling in Kylo’s lap so you were as close to him as possible. 

He shifted until the both of you were completely comfortable, he knew with your added weight and warmth he would be out like a light in no time. It was a good job the ship had auto pilot or the shuttle might have been on a direct course into one of the suns. 

His hand found one of yours as he interlocked your fingers, the large size of his fingers compared to yours humoured him. He rest his cheek on top of your head and inhaled deeply, he never wanted to forget what this felt like. 

When he had first laid eyes on you in his vision he imagined your relationship to be strictly business. Rule the galaxy and split the glory. 

He never imagined to be in so over his head, after stealing you away from the resistance and holding you in his arms, kissing you, taking care of you, admiring your spitfire personality and feeling the force grow within you everyday. He knew. 

It was to be so much more. 

Wether you reciprocated his feelings or not he would have you. 

He was a man obsessed. 

It just so happens that you were as invested as he was and welcomed his advances. That meant Kylo could at least keep his last remaining morals intact. 

Your eyes fluttered open and were met with that all too familiar honey glow, you smiled softly to yourself and closed your eyes again. 

“Are we there yet?” The groggy sleepiness of you voice almost startled you but you were too tired to acknowledge it. 

“Not yet little one. At least a few more hours yet, so rest. I’ll keep watch.” 

You chuckled softly under your breath and the man raised a brow. 

“Keep watch for what? Space pirates?”

He almost joined you in your quite fit of giggles. Too pure. 

“Well isn’t your sense of humour golden.” 

“You’re just jealous you don’t have one  Master Ren. ” 

Although sleep still laced your tone Kylo could almost taste the playful hint that added to it. 

A smirk crept onto his lips as he spoke. 

“If only you knew little one. I don’t have time for humour.” 

It was time for your brows to furrow. Your adorable pouty face almost melted the supreme leader into a puddle. 

“Then what exactly do you have time for?” 

“This.”

Kylo’s warm lips attacked yours. The soft plumpness of them matched yours perfectly and your eyes fluttered closed, your hand found his cheek as you deepened the kiss. One of his hands was tangled in the back of your hair while the other gripped tightly around your waist, holding your body as close to his as physically possible. 

He didn’t take the kiss any further, instead he set a steady rhythm for you to fall into. Lazily dragging his tongue across your bottom lip until you let him in, once you did a new spark ignited. That same painfully slow rhythm with the added brutality of his tongue set your world on fire. 

He broke away, he always relished in leaving you gasping for more. 

Jackass

His hand that was still in your hair tightened. 

“I heard that little one.”

You huffed and simply hurried your flushing cheeks into his chest. 

“Sleep. I’ll wake you when it’s time.” 

You hummed in agreement as you settled further into his lap. His arms snaked around your waist as he set his head on top of yours again, nearly drifting off into the realm of sleep himself. 

...

Your tired eyes shot open as you felt a sudden bout of turbulence encapsulate the shuttle, juttering and shuddering as it entered the atmosphere of Coruscant. 

Your eyes searched the vast view through the ships wide windscreen, the city spanned to every part of the surface you could see. Tall buildings and bright lights shone even in the afternoon warmth, it was busy and vibrant, numbers of specials coexisting in what looked like a mutual understanding of courteous behaviour. At least that’s what it looked like from afar. 

The clicking of buttons and the sound of control nozzles moving caught your ears as they scanned to Kylo’s hands on the control panel in front of you. Silently commanding the ship for a safe and sound landing in a ship lot not far away. Craning your neck upwards your irises landed on the contours of his face, tongue in cheek as he concentrated, brows furrowed as he focussed. His eyes flickered down to yours for a brief moment before he continued landing the ship. 

“Good sleep little one?” 

You would never get over his name for you. 

“Not too bad actually. You make for a good cushion.” 

He hummed in agreement. 

“Considering I can’t feel my legs I can’t say the same about you being very comfortable.” 

Your hand swatted his chest and he opened his legs wider in response, almost causing you to fall through the gap he created. 

“Okay okay truce! I’m going to pretend you didn’t just insinuate that I was fat and leave it at that.” 

You closed your eyes and squeaked when his fingers pinched at the flesh covering your ribs. 

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

He seemed almost insulted that you would think that’s what he thought of you. 

You simply rolled your eyes in response and changed the subject. 

“What are we doing here anyway? You never told me.” 

Kylo seemed to hesitate for a brief moment, mulling over his words as if wondering how to respond to you. 

“I have to-...I have some business here. A trade of sorts, I bought you along for the experience.” 

Even though his tone was stoic you could tell there was another reason you were really here. He couldn’t hide it from you. 

“You mean you don’t trust me to be left back there by myself?” 

You weren’t hurt by it. You didn’t trust yourself either, if Hux or someone else tried anything then you wouldn’t hesitate to relieve them of a limb or two. But Kylo seemed to have other interpretations. 

A swift swat to the side of your head had you frowning up at the hazel eyed man, your hands rubbing the spot where his hand had connected. 

“It’s not that I don’t think you can look after yourself. I just don’t trust the loyalty of the order at this point in time, Hux has proved he will do anything to get under my skin. Even if it comes to harming you, he has a number of loyal followers and I worried that it may be too much for you. I don’t doubt your abilities.” 

You curtly nodded. It made sense. 

You hopped off his lap and made your way over to your discarded cloak as the ship descended closer and closer to the surface. 

The knights came around the corner just as you had grasped the thick material, they each bowed their head at you and continued on their way to the exit door of the ship. 

Waiting uniformly for further instruction. 

Securing the cloak over your shoulders you heard the sound of heavy steps coming your way, the thick sole of Kylo’s boots assaulted the steel as he walked. 

He moved to stand beside you and placed his hand firmly on the small of your back, the other hand clasped behind his back. 

“I trust you haven’t forgotten the brief we discussed earlier, you will stay hidden and stay close. Any threats report them. That is all.” 

The three knights nodded in unison as the ramp to the shuttle opened. The blinding light shone through into the ship and bounced off of the steel. Kylo didn’t move his hand as he moved to step off the ship, the knights held back for a little while longer as the two of you moved off towards the centre of the city. 

“Don’t you need your mask?”

Kylo looked down at you and the sun hit his eyes just right, the tint of his hair shone as the light hit it. 

“No. My mask is more well known then my face, it would cause an uproar. I am not here with violent intentions so it is better I not wear it.” 

Hmm. Made sense. 

“Ah I see.” 

Your senses were assaulted violently as you entered the city. It was bustling with life, the aromas of different foods and treats drifted into your nostrils, the sound of creatures conversing and children playing danced off of your ear drums and bought a smile to your face. 

Lights twinkled and the city was vibrant with colour, bodies pushed and shoved and a strong shoulder hit yours almost causing you to fall. 

If Kylo hadn’t have stopped you with his arm. 

His body snapped in the direction of the cloaked figure that had nearly taken you out. You placed a firm had on his chest as his lip bit back into a snarl. 

“Don’t you even dare. You’re not here for violence, remember?” 

You hissed under your breath so you didn’t draw attention. 

He huffed and continued walking, pulling you to walk slightly behind him so that he could somewhat shield you. You rolled your eyes and wondered if he was always going to be like this. 

A painful pull and then you heard him. 

Yes. Don’t expect me to behave any other way. 

The two of you continued on your way, ducking between different species whileweaving through narrow streets and market places. 

You never saw a glimpse of the knights but you could feel them close, the dull hum of rage pumping through their veins and the disappointment in their chests at the thought of such a tedious mission. 

Kylo’s pace didn’t slow until you came to a stop in a dark alley, completely barren apart from a dinted steel door leading into a cantina. 

A dull neon sign hung lopsidedly above the door. 

“The Boozey Duro” it read. 

You inwardly grimaced. The smell of cheap alcohol and even cheaper women seeped into your pores and you fought the urge to gag. 

Kylo searched your face and placed a hand on your shoulder. 

You met his eyes and they widened in disgust and realisation. 

“No.”

“It won’t be for long little one. You won’t be alone.” 

As if on cue you felt the physical presence of the towering men behind you. Not needing to look to know it was Vicrul, Ushar and Kuruk. 

“I’m not going in Kylo. Not a chance.”

Kylo retracted his hand and nodded to one of the men behind you. 

The feeling of strong fingers encased your shoulders as you were ushered inside. Ushar and Kuruk each holding a side of the door while Vicrul pushed you inside. You tried rooting your feet to the floor and flailed your arms but it was useless, his sheer size and strength almost compared to Kylo’s and you couldn’t over power him. 

“Kylo you son of a bitch!”

You snarled but your comment was lost between the threshold of the cold steel doors. 

Vicrul’s grating voice cut through you as he spoke.

“It won’t be for long Lady Ren.” 

Your neck snapped in his direction as he pushed you towards a booth. 

“Don’t call me that! Just Verena will do.” 

Even though you couldn’t see his face you could sense the distaste in his voice. 

“But Master Ren wouldn’t-“

“Kylo isn’t here! What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” 

Vicrul heaved a heavy sigh in defeat. You were his master too, there was no point in arguing with you. 

So many rancid sights and smells burrowed their way into your senses. Sleazy girls roamed the bar in search of their next victim, men sat upon bar stools pouring obscene amounts of alcohol down their gullet, the grotesquely obese bar tender held a cigarette to his mouth before lighting it. His bulging eyes undressing any female that walked by. 

Just the strong smell of alcohol was enough to make you lightheaded. 

After an hour spent ripping a coaster into tiny pieces your sanity couldn’t take it anymore. The knights didn’t even converse with each other let alone yourself. 

Boring bastards. 

You rolled your eyes and let out an obnoxiously loud groan. 

“I’m getting a drink.” 

“I don’t think that’s very wise-“ 

For the second time you cut Vicrul off, waving your hand dismissively as you moved to exit the cramped booth. 

“I’ll be 5 seconds tops don’t worry.” 

With a skip and a painfully fake smile in tow you arrived at the bar. The same grotesque bar tender from earlier trudging his fat carcass in your direction, he took a deep drag of his cigarette as his eyes took you in. Raking over every crevice and detail of your tight clothing. 

“What can I get ya sugar tits?”

It was brutally obvious that he was somewhat intoxicated himself, either that or his species lacked much needed brain cells. His comment went in one ear and out the other, after all, sweet talk would have to be your payment due to your lack of credits. 

“Something  strong , big boy.”

His eyes held a spark of hope, the sickeningly sweet tone of your voice lit a fire in his veins. 

He turned to grab a short cylinder glass, lacking any care when he chunked a few large pieces of ice into it. A viscous amber liquid was poured in next and danced up the sides of the glass as it spilled from the bottle. 

He finished up and slid the glass over the bar towards you, effortlessly catching it in your palm you bought it upto your lips. 

The strong whiskey burnt your throat as it slid down, the warm feeling settling pleasantly in your stomach. 

He gave you a sleazy smile before having his attention ripped away by a screeching rodian. 

You gave him a wink and told him to hurry back. Hopefully in the time it took him to serve the other customer and get back to you it would be plenty of time for you to nurse your drink and hide behind Vicrul. 

Just as you downed the rest of your beverage you felt a body on each side of you, from your peripherals you could see they were clad in thick robes, cowls covered their heads and hid most of their face. It didn’t feel good. 

“Can I help you?” 

You turned to leave the bar but as you hopped from the stool your body was snatched. A thick, groggy, foul smelling material pressed up against your mouth and nose. The smell sent your vision cloudy and your head fuzzy, sight drifting in and out of view. They quickly moved through the bodies in the crowd, hiding you from the eyes of the knights. No one seemed alarmed that a young women was being partially dragged through a cantina in and out of consciousness. They held you firm against themselves, your back flush with their chest as they held you under your arms. 

You tried to speak but no words came out, incoherent slurs slipped past your lips as you struggled to even breath. The thick contaminated air stifled in your lungs as you tried to inhale. 

Why was nobody helping? Where were the knights when you needed them? 

Where are you Kylo? 

You slipped into complete darkness as they dragged you into a room, closing the large door behind them and locking it. More warm bodies were inside as their eyes roamed your unconscious being. 

They placed you onto a metal table without any care. Securing your arms down and took your saber, throwing it across the adjacent wall. 

“What’s the bounty again?” 

A tall greasy haired human spoke. 

“Plenty.” 

Another short scaley creature retorted in a venomous tone. 

“Enough to split between the clawdite guild?” 

One of the robed figures questioned. 

“The clawdite guild is long since dead brother. We shall split the bounty evenly.” 

The taller male with greasy dark locks drew a long thick knife from his pocket. Grabbing a fist full of your hair he drew it up to your throat adding enough pressure to start breaking the skin. 

“What are you doing?!”

The scaley creature all but screamed. 

“The bounty is the same wether she’s bought in warm or cold. Might as well have some fun right?” 

One of the robed figures reached out a long arm, clasping his fingers around the man’s forearm tightly. 

“You forget my brother, we are to bring her to the resistance. A much higher price on her head they will pay.” 

Reluctantly the man withdrew his weapon. 

Leaving you laid there almost lifeless. The pulse in your veins dulling with every second due to the drug. Mind swimming in a painful dark void as your life force began to fade away. 

...

Kylo’s trade had run smoothly. He remained calm and avoided decapatating the dealer he met with, the gamorrean had been hard to bargain with but he gave a fair price for the artefacts. The supreme leader could have laughed when the creature suggested a fair trade for his cross hilt lightsaber. What a joke. 

Getting in and out as quick as he could was vital for Kylo, spending another minute away from you longer then he had to would kill him. 

He rounded the corner of the alley way and strode his way towards the cantina. 

That’s when he felt you. 

Or rather...

That’s when he didn’t feel you. 

The force pulled painfully at his chest as he walked, causing him to grab at the fabric covering his sternum. The pain was over before it even began but it was unforgettable. 

The dull pulse of life leaking out of your veins, eyes closed and threatening to stay that way, the tang of whiskey fresh on your palate. 

The unforgivable smell of a powerful drug stinging your nostrils. 

He was frantic. 

He quickened his pace but as he drew closer and closer to the dingy club he found his knights. It looked like they were arguing. 

He outstretched his arm and his fingers twitched, the three men were thrown into the wall behind them. He was before them at light speed. 

His digits clamped around Vicrul’s throat as he lifted him from the ground, tightening his grip like a vice. 

“Where the fuck is she?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 300 hits! Crazy! 
> 
> I also wanted to clear up any confusion.
> 
> Clawdites are a species of alien and they can shape shift into any form, they often work as mercenaries or bounty hunters. The men that take Verena to the room are all the same species but appear to look different due to shape shifting!


	12. This Was The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren as no mercy.

“Where the fuck is she?” 

Kylo seethed. His chest heaved with barely contained rage and his lip was bitten back into a snarl as he bared his teeth. 

The grip of his fingers only continued to crush the windpipe of his knight as the seconds began to drag, the masked man struggled against his master’s grip as he gargled incoherent words. 

Kuruk cleared his throat and knelt on one kneefrom his place on the ground. 

“Master Ren we-AGH!”

Kylo used his free hand to launch Kuruk backwards, his spine hitting the wall painfully as he was hung a metre from the ground. 

“I do not care for your excuses. Find her. Before I give you the honour of removing your spine.” 

His hold on the men dropped as he whisked away, stalking towards the door of the cantina. 

He used the force to blow open the doors, ripping them off the hinges completely and drawing the attention of every creature and species within the sweaty, gut wrenching building. 

They looked at him in bored distaste and continued with their sin-filled night. 

Kylo wasn’t done yet. 

His knights filtered in behind him and stood strong, despite their shattered egos and tainted spirits. 

Without hesitating he ignited his lightsaber, the sizzling crimson cross guards blooming and crackling. It hissed to life and dowsed the room in a hazy glow, it’s second hand warmth drew a sweat to Kylo’s brow but he didn’t care. 

He needed to find you. 

Immediately the cantina broke into chaos, if it wasn’t his mask that got him recognised it was his lightsaber. The bleeding crackle of it’s shattered kyber Crystal drew fear into everyone that it laid waste to, small children feared it when parents would tell them bedtime stories about it, grown men heard tails of the man that wielded the crimson saber, the horror of a man that was once their only hope. 

Women scrambled in their obscenely ridiculous heels and groggy men slumped in their intoxicated state. 

“Leave.”

Kylo hissed, teeth bared and tone full of intent. 

Nobody needing telling twice. 

In the time it took the Jedi killer to blink the bar was clear, smashed glass littered the floor and drinks spilled from where they were left untouched. Bar stools were tipped over and left abandoned, booths were unkept and barren. 

He stalked around the empty cantina. Hilt of his saber gripped tightly between his digits as he signalled his knights to check the perimeter. No stone to be left unturned. 

He placed his free hand on the bar and used it to shift his weight and hopped over it. Heavy boots landing on crushed glass as it crunched under his feet, echoing through the empty cantina as he walked. 

He kept his eyes peeled for any back ways or secret passages, hoping his ear drums would pick up on any sound that would indicate where you were. 

Your life force had faded. He knew you were still alive but he couldn’t feel the pull to you anymore. It was like you had shut yourself off again, closing him away from your mind. 

He needed to find you. 

Another turn led him down a narrow corridor, the flickering lighting danced off of the walls and assaulted his eyes. 

He closed his eyes, again trying to feel for anything that would lead him in your direction. 

He opened the doors using the force as he walked past. Each one leading to an empty pleasure room or storage space, one final door at the end of the corridor was his only hope. 

He swung open the door but the room was barren, a door at the back of the room hung open and swayed as a draft carried it back and forth, an empty metal table laid in the middle of the room. Again, nothing. 

He stormed into the room and the burning light of his weapon cast a hideous glow on the angles of the walls. That’s when he noticed something. 

A silver light glistened from across the room, 

catching his eye as he moved. 

It was a lightsaber. 

It was  your lightsaber. 

He snatched it up quickly and inspected it, a relatively large scratch laid against the hilt. His eyes scanned up and caught the dent in the wall. 

Kylo used the force to call out to his knights, to come to his side and follow this back door to wherever it led. To find  you. 

As he stepped beyond the threshold of the door the sky had already begun to grow dark, the distant threat of thunder signalling a potential downpour but that wouldn’t stop Kylo. His knights were already behind the building as he joined them, leading the way down an alley way that joined onto the back of the building. This is the only route that whoever had you could have taken, it was isolated from any other pathways or escapes. 

His hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead and his breathing only continued to become more erratic with the passing time. He shouldn’t have bought you here, he should have shut you away in his chambers until he returned. Left his knights there to guard you day and night until he came back to you, upon his return he’d hold you close to him and never let go, he’d kiss you till your lips were sore and then you’d take his cock perfectly like the good little girl you were. 

The thought made his skin itch with need and it only fuelled his anguish. 

“Span out and find her. No excuses.” 

That meant do whatever it takes to get her. 

Wether that was ransacking houses or tearing apart markets stalls. He needed to find you. 

It’s as if the word had spread of his presence on the planet, windows were sealed and doors shut. Shops locked and stalls closed. 

The planet was close to barren. It would make Kylo’s job all the more easy. 

He continued to follow the street and scanned his surrounding. 

Then he felt something. A tiny microscopic pull.

...

Your irises burnt and your body felt numb. Your throat stung with the bitter aftertaste of whiskey and your head felt like you were in a trance. Your surroundings danced around you in a blur of colour and darkness, drifting around you and making you feel nauseous. 

You groaned and tried to rub your forehead but you were restrained, wrists bound tightly together in-front of you and body bouncing against something sturdy. 

There was no wonder you felt sick to your stomach, you were looking backwards but traveling forwards, slung over the shoulder of some greasy haired humanoid. 

His shoulder dug into your abdomen as he ran and you tried to shake the hood of your cloak off your head as you realised they were trying to cover you up. 

“Put me the fuck down!”

Your words were slurred but your tone was still strong. 

“Shut it resistance slut!”

He cackled planting a firm slap to your ass with his free hand as you squealed and tried to squirm. They knew who you were?

Fear started to attack your senses and your chest burnt with paranoia. 

They knew who you were...

The group of men ducked and dodged through the barren streets, constantly checking if they were being followed. They came to a sudden halt and you swore the force of it could have broken your neck, your head spun and eyes struggled to cooperate. 

You had stopped at a door, a relatively small door that a fully grown man would struggle to fit through, one of the shorter creatures punched in a code on a panel. The metal screeched against the floor as it opened painfully slow, before it was even open all the way the greasy haired man slung you forward so you landed on your feet, spinning you around so you faced the door as he ushered you through the small gap. 

You struggled and fought, rooting your feet into the stone beneath you in an attempt to stay put. He pushed your forward with increased force, causing you to stumble forward, you had no way to brace your fall and landed straight onto your face with a painful thud. Blood pooled in your mouth and you spit out a wod of it as you sat up, it dripped over your lip and slid down over your chin. 

The men scrambled in and took a breath, hoping they were safe from your masters advances. 

The tall male that had been carrying you stalked his way over, eyes narrowing at the blood on your lips. You glared back and didn’t hesitate to growl and spit on his shoes, he crouched down and traced his index fingerover your lips, smearing it further down your chin. You tried to bite his finger but his free hand found the back of your hair, pulling back harshly so your neck was craned upto him. This time his thumb traced your quivering lip, gathering the blood and saliva on the tip of it. He prodded it against your teeth urging you to open up but you refused. With another harsh yank on your hair you gasped, accidentally allowing him to push his thumb into your mouth and over your tongue.The metallic pang of blood grasped your palette as it mixedwith the dirt and sweat from his finger tips, you tried to gag but he held your head tight so you couldn’t move. Legs refusing to move to kick him away, eyes brimming with hot tears as you let this happen yourself. Again. 

“Cut it out.” 

A voice beckoned from behind his head but he didn’t bother to turn. 

“Just told you I’m having some fun.” 

He smirked and licked across the expanse of his teeth. 

“If you want any portion of this bounty then you’ll save it for one of your Coruscant whores.” 

The man’s voice was calm and collected. 

The greasy man simply growled and dropped your head from his hands, moving away from you as he left you bloodied and burning on the floor. 

“I’m still not keen on trading with the resistance. I reckon we sell her to a pleasure house on the red border. Pretty thing like that will make us double what the resistance is offering.” 

His words made you feel sick. Head still rolling from the multiple sensations. 

“We’re bounty hunters not dealers. She has a bounty worth more then credits brother, keep your opinions to yourself from now on.” 

One of the robed figures spoke up.

“If we are to transport her without fault through the city and through the outer rim then we must disguise her identity. Her bounty will make her a target even in our hands.” 

“What are you suggesting brother?” 

All the men glanced at each other, their eyes landed on the greasy man. He looked behind him and pointed towards himself. 

“Me? What?” 

“Complete the normal procedures.” 

A wicked grin crept onto his face in the darkened room. He slid his knife from his pocket and glanced over his shoulder towards you. Panic set in and you flailed your legs underneath you, shimmying backwards on your ass in an attempt to put space between yourself and the deranged man. 

“Stay the fuck away from me asshole!”

He didn’t heed your warning as he closed in, sharp knife tightly held between his fingers. Quicker the light-speed he was hovering over you, you kicked at his shins but he didn’t flinch. Leaning down he grabbed your hair, bunching the ends and wrapping them around his knuckles. It’s long length causing you to be lifted from the floor as he raised his hand. You hissed out in pain and continued to flail your legs but it was futile. 

The sound of his knife ripping through the delicate fibres of your hair sent you wide eyed, the hacked off pieces danced into your vision as they floated down in front of you. You cried and wailed for him to stop, you inched closer and closer to the floor as he continued to saw at the silk strands. When he was done he threw your head to the floor, nose pressed into the cold stone and fallen hair. As pathetic as it was you cried, the humiliation and violation was soul destroying. You felt embarrassed. 

As you sat up you felt the ends of your hair brush your shoulders, compared to it’s previous length that sat just above the small of your back. 

Kylo loved your hair. 

Kylo...

You mustered up your last bit of mental strength, trying your best to call out to him or send him a signal but you felt nothing. 

“Still such a pretty little thing aren’t ya?” 

He had the audacity to try and reach out to touch you, his fingers were so close to your face and in a split second you had sunk your teeth into his flesh. More blood pooled into your mouth as the sound of skin tearing echoed in your ear drums, he shrieked and pulled his hand away. 

Before you could register your next move a heavy boot came into contact with your face, rupturing your cheek as blood gushed out of the new wound. You were out like a light. 

“You idiot!” 

Before the greasy man could respond the sound of plasma ripping apart metal vibrated through the room. It’s signature cracking bouncing off the walls and entering the ears of his enemies. The other three men stood frozen while the grease clad male gripped his knife tightly in his hand, pointing it towards the sound. 

Kylo’s eyes fell on you before he even acknowledged the men in the room, your bloodied and bruised face, hollow breathing. 

Your hair. Beautiful flowing locks of Ivory cascading onto the floor around you, stray threads clung to your robes and your hair was shoulder length. It still didn’t take away from your serenity. 

He saw red. In a split second the dark haired man was split in half, not even a gargle coming from his throat as his two halves hit the floor. The knights spilled in to take care of the other three, bashing their bodies and splitting their skulls as their blood stained the floors and ceilings. 

Kylo crouched down next to you. Your bloodied face growing paler with the cold air in the room, he scooped you up into his arms, squeezing you tight and cradling you into his chest. He didn’t take in the gory scene before him as he left, following the path he had come from on his way back to the ship. Residents still stayed in their homes as he stalked the streets, his murderous aura still radiating off of him as he tried to pick up his pace. He wanted to be gentle with you but he wanted to get you back to his ship as soon as he could, to dress your wounds and access you for further injuries. 

He scrambled onto that shuttle faster then he ever had done in his life, hurrying to the private quarters off the ship and placing you into the bed. He worked on locating a medical kit of sorts, dressings and cleansing wipes or anything that would help him. 

The dried blood on your lips and chin were the first the he worked on, it looked like you had bitten your tongue rather then split your lip, either that or the blood wasn’t yours. He gingerly took your chin in his hand as he angled your face so that your cheek was in full view, wiping away the blood and dried gunk from the wound. It wasn’t a deep gash but it wouldn’t heal on it’s own, he placed a few thin strips of medical tape on it to hold it in-place while it healed. 

He took in your features as you still laid unconscious. Tear stained cheeks and wet lashes, freckles prominent against your pale skin, hollow breathing as you fought the drug still pumping in your blood stream. 

It broke him. He had let this happen for a second time, for the second time he wasn’t there to protect you. You would have been safer if he left you on the Finalizer. 

This was the day. The day he vowed that he would never ever, let anything happen to you as long as he was still breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters one day! Although they are shorted they have more actions and that shit hard to write...hope you enjoyed!


	13. All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories can be a dangerous thing.

Snow. Ice. Blistering winds. Plain colourless sky. 

This was Hoth. 

It felt so real. It felt like you could catch the falling snowflakes in your palm and watch them melt away in the residual heat of your skin, the beating wind scratched harshly at your cheeks as it’s strength threatened to knock you off your feet. The bright white backdrop of the planet’s surface stung your eyes as it’s lack of colour assaulted your irises, snow swirled in small torrents and no another soul could be seen in sight. 

You were all alone. 

Again. 

Your feet shuffled in the snow as you moved forward, wrapping your arms around yourself in an attempt to cover your bare skin from the glacial assault of weather. Your eyes caught glimpse of a wild Tauntaun moving swiftly across the perfectly untouched blanket of snow ahead of you, it didn’t seem to acknowledge you as it quickened it’s pace and continued on and out of sight. 

Looking down at your torso you noticed more bare flesh, you were back in the skin tight obscenely revealing dress Kylo had gifted you. Thighs exposed as you continued to walk forward, wandering absentmindedly through your old territory. 

It was quite.  Too quite. 

You remembered the nostalgic sound of the wind howling and the heavy flakes falling as you and your brother would forage through the barren wasteland of ice and snow. Crunching snow and the distant crackle of ice echoed in your ears as you the two of you strode along. 

But now it was silent. Even the snow under your boot didn’t crunch as you walked, the wind didn’t whisper and the ice didn’t sing a choir of screams as it melted and crashed against the mountain sides. 

You could see the vapour of breath leaking from your parted lips and ascending into your eye sight but you couldn’t hear the ragged sound of shaky breaths accompanying them. 

Then you heard a voice. A woman’s voice. 

It was smooth like silk, beckoning you towards it’s direction. She knew your name, her sound grew louder and louder till it rung in your ears. 

Voice strong and clear. It all felt so real. 

Your feet moved against your will, the material of your dress tangled between your legs and you thighs burnt with the icy assault as you ran. Chest heaving and arms swinging as you sprinted as hard as you could, cursing when the snow slowed you down and kept your from inching closer to the soothing feminine voice. 

She called to you again. 

You followed the melody of her voice until she bought you to the edge of a glacier. It was large and rounded, larger then anything you had seen before. It must have covered a substantial portion of the planet’s surface, you looked left and right in an attempt to find the end of it but alas it wasn’t near. You inched closer to the clear vessel of ice and gingerly placed your palm to it’s surface, it surged with energy and shrouded itself in a blanket of serenity. It felt calm, peaceful, tranquil. 

You closed your eyes and willed for the feeling to envelop you, you wanted to feel it’s power and calming aura shroud you. Hoping that it’s icy prison would take you away from feeling anything at all, send your body into an eternity of numbness to the painful past that gnawed at your existence. 

That voice again. 

You closed your eyes and pressed your palm further against the icy tower. 

A thunderous crack reverberated through your ear drums and your eyes flew open, in a split second your palm was sliced open as the ice split. Crumbling and splintering beneath your palm, shards lodged into the flesh of your hand and you screamed out in pain. 

No sound came out. 

Just the sound of the groaning heap of ice as it continued to wither and shatter. 

You cradled your bloody hand to your chest, tears falling over your icy cheeks and pooling under your chin. Your lip quivered as you continued to cry, the pain from your gashed hand and the overwhelming coldness that enveloped you shook you to your core. 

You heard her again. 

Salty tears blurred your vision as you searched the splintered ice in front of you, clear as day a silhouette was standing before you. Nothing but a thick layer of ice keeping you from each other, it was unclear who it was but you felt a pull to them. Your heart ached as you willed your impaired sight to burn the image into your mind forever. 

Blood soaked into the ice as you placed your palm back onto the frosty surface, the image became clearer but was still fuzzy. 

Until it shone crystal clear. 

She had snowy white hair wrapped up in a bunwith two loose pieces framing her face, she was tall and slim. 

Her eyes were as bright and blue as yours, but hers were full of hope and dedication. 

She wore long silvery white robes that were embroidered with swirls and patterns, you had seen similar diagrams in the texts of the Jedi. Her face was kind and the angles of it were soft. She was much older than you but her features didn’t look aged, she looked wise and truthful. 

Her hand reached out for you, her palm was flat against the ice and only the slab of frozen water kept your skin from touching hers. 

You had never seen this woman in your life yet your mind swam and heart burned with nostalgic memories. Memories you knew were not your own but felt all to familiar too you. 

The mind you were in was small and innocent, that of a young child’s, their tiny hands reached out in front of them and they were scooped up by strong arms and giggled relentlessly. Their eyes looked into the ones before them, cerulean blue, they didn’t belong to the woman but a man. His hair was a darker grey but not from age, it was naturally this way. He blew a raspberry into the child’s neck as they continued to giggle. 

You had never been held this close before. 

More of their memories flashed by your irises as they flooded in, image after image of the feeling of pure happiness. 

A man, a boy and a woman living in content happiness. The women had ashy blonde hair and gorgeous deep hazel eyes, when you looked into them through the young boy’s eyes they reminded you so much of Kylo’s. The honey glow of them caught the sun in the same way. 

The women was heavily pregnant and cradled her stomach as the man and boy played together, throwing snow and chasing each other around the icy landscape of Hoth. 

Then it was all ripped away. 

More images flooded your mind and slashed brutally at your vision. 

Screaming, blood, shouting, crying, cursing, confusion, hatred, fighting. Then silence. 

The boy’s body was older. Only by a few years, he followed closely behind his father as the older man cradled a small toddler in his arms. 

A young girl, sleeping soundly as her icy locks hung around her shoulders and danced in the wind. The older man’s heart was full of hatred and regret, he felt guilty and carried a burning mass of anguish in his chest. 

More visions crawled into your mind. 

Years flashed by and became clearer. 

The dark grey haired man laid lifeless in the snow, the delicate flakes surrounding his body dowsed in red. The boy cried boiling hot tears. He grabbed the young girls hand and ran, ran as fast as he could away from the sight of his dead father. 

He had lost his mother, his father. He swore he would protect his sister with his life. 

The two children ran through the tall snow, the silver haired boy clasped the girls hand tightly in his and held the metal hilt of his father’s lightsaber in the other, holding it close to his chest and never letting go. 

You gasped for air when the images ripped you harshly back into the world before you, hand still outstretched and trying to make contact with the woman before you. 

“Traya.” 

She whispered to you, repeating herself over and over again. Your brows knit in confusion and you squinted your eyes to try and get a closer look at her. 

She seemed to do the same to you as she leaned forward, if the ice wasn’t separating the two of you then your noses would have touched. 

Her image faltered before you, irises growing dark and the whole surface of her eyes turning black, her face sagged and wrinkled and she turned up her lip to reveal the sharpened edges of her teeth. 

Your eyes widened and you snapped your hand away. She hissed and learned forward, no longer restricted by an ice wall, you jumped backwards and landed flat on your spine. Head spinning as you hit the floor. 

“The blood of Darth Traya still lives!”

She shrieked and before you could get to your feet she was gone, the glacier was gone too. 

Their you laid in the snow, confused and scared. It all felt so real. 

You propped yourself up on your hands and scanned the area around you. Nothing but snow and ice, no sign of the glacier or the woman anywhere. 

You began to feel warm. 

You looked down and the snow around you was drowning in a crimson tint. Soaking the area where you laid, you grasped the red slush in your hands and it soaked your skin, crawling up your hands and arms. 

You screamed but it didn’t stop. 

The blood was coming from a large cavity in your chest, you could see your sternum through the wound as the blood gargled and spluttered down your chest. 

You wanted to be sick. 

The wound didn’t hurt but it ached, as if a weight was crushing your ribcage from the inside out. 

You closed your eyes, willing for the nightmare to end. 

A piercing burn lodged into your chest, cracking and twisting as a shriek lodge into your dry throat. 

You opened your eyes, following the red plasma that was lodged into your existing wound. The cracking saber hummed as it continued to burn your fresh, your eyes followed the weapon until they landed on the cross guarded hilt. Your heart sank further then you had ever felt it before, continuing to follow your line of sight your eyes traveled upwards. 

Finally meeting with the honey hazel glow of the man’s eyes as he stood before you. Gloved hands gripping tightly to the hilt of his saber, teeth bared and top lip quivering as he continued to push the lightsaber deep into your chest. 

You tried to speak but it failed to erupt from your throat. Tears brimmed in your eyes and your mouth hung open, blood pooling in your mouth and escaping over your dry bottom lip. 

A single tear fell down his cheek as he gave the saber one last harsh twist, your ribs cracked and splintered but you didn’t react. Body and mind too numb from the overwhelming pain wracking your frame. 

He removed his weapon with a harsh yank andextinguished it. 

Growling deeply in his throat as he turned and threw the weapon across the snow, it landed far far away from the two of you. 

You couldn’t hold your own head up anymore, arms giving way beneath you as your back hit the snow once more. Your breathing was laboured and shallow, oxygen leaking out of your punctured lungs as the blood collected in your throat. 

The man simply stood there looking down on you, too weak to meet his eyes but you could still feel his irises burning into you. 

You tried to speak, hoping your gargled words found his ears. 

“K-Kylo please...please.”

He didn’t say anything. 

The sound of snow crunching echoed in your ears as your peripherals caught sight of him walking away. His cape flowed behind him in a curtain of darkness as the snowy breeze blew through it. 

You couldn’t hold in your cries any longer. 

Screaming and wailing for him to stay. Gargling your apologies to him and telling him you forgave him as his body grew smaller and smaller in your vision. 

Hot tears fell down your face as you laid there, soaked in your own blood as the snow and pain bought a new wave of numbness over your body. 

You looked upto the sky. 

The pale blue and white streaks of it still hurt your eyes along with the delicate flakes that continued to fall. Your vision faded out as you stared up, tears still falling and chest mellowing out as the life left your body. 

You tried to remember the tender memories of your life but they came up short. 

The only memories that slightly resembled the feeling of happiness came from the very man that had just taken your life...

Kylo Ren 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Now please stick with me...I know there is a lot in this chapter that may not make sense but but bare with me when I tell you that it will all piece together! 
> 
> For all you die hard Star Wars fans that played the games then you should know is described in this chapter...
> 
> Thank you for the continued love and support!🖤


	14. Losing myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes escaping seems like the only option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING*   
> *BLOOD, SELF HARM,SELF INFLICTED INJURY* 
> 
> Please do not read if you are sensitive to this kind of content. 
> 
> Suicide is never a feasible option!

Something jolted you awake. 

Your eyes widened and you sucked in deep ragged breaths through your nose and mouth. Gasping as you couldn’t get the oxygen in quick enough, the phantom pain still clung to your body and you cradled your imaginary injured hand to your chest. You sat up straighter and unconsciously ran a hand down your sternum and chest, there was in fact no wound there. 

With your eyes still stinging from the drying tears that had shed in your slumber you tried to scan the dark room, you were in Kylo’s quarters. 

It left a bitter taste in your mouth at the thought of him, it hadn’t been real but he had still ended your life without hesitation. 

The nightmare felt so real. 

The pain, the memories, the emotions. 

They all felt too real to be a nightmare. 

It felt like a warning. 

Kylo wasn’t keeping you here to watch you flourish, he wanted to watch you perish. 

You peeled his smooth silk sheets from your body and swung your aching body over the side of the tall bed. Your bare feet hit the cold material of his floor, you padded over to his bathroom and continued to scan the room as you went, double and triple checking he wasn’t in the room with you. 

The light stung your vision as you switch it on, gingerly making your way over to the mirror above the sink you stood on your tiptoes to get a better look at your face. 

Bruises still lingered on your jaw from where Hux had crushed it between his fingers, the light shade of blue had now turned into a greeny yellowish tone. Your cheeks were pale and stained with tears, a painful gash was neatly held together with thin strips of medical tape on your right cheek as it it started from the bottom of your jaw line and ended in the middle of the plump flesh. Your eyes were blood shot and red from the overstrain and salty assault of emotions, your lips looked dried and cracked and your hair was the last thing your eyes landed on. 

It ended just past your shoulders and framed your face, the ends were jagged, uneven and messy. 

Fresh tears brimmed in your eyes as you took another long look at your appearance. 

You looked how you felt. 

Completely broken. 

For so long you had been drunk on the unfamiliar feeling of belonging, the truth was, you didn’t belong here. 

You didn’t belong anywhere. 

At this moment in time you wanted nothing more then to wither away and become one with the galaxy. Fragmented pieces of your physical body and torn sanity drifting through the endless cavity of space never to be tainted again. 

You crouched down and rambled through the drawer under the sink, flinging bottles and discarding pots of random contents across the floor. You beamed inwardly as your fingers grasped onto the tool you were looking for. 

You didn’t hesitate as you took as piece of hair in your fingers and cut it, looking carefully into the mirror as you trimmed the ends so they all met at the same length. When you were finished it wasn’t much shorter but it was now an even length, the longer you looked at yourself the longer the new look grew on you. 

It would grow back. 

You still gripped the scissors in your hands. 

Your dainty fingers traced up and down them as your mind wandered for a few minutes. 

You opened them up so that they opened to their full capability, taking them in your right hand you traced the edge of the blade against the skin of your wrist. Not pressing down or leaving a mark just yet, conflicting feelings swam in your mind as your eyes clouded over, the memory of your visions within the nightmare come flooding back to you. 

You wouldn’t give him the chance to kill you. 

Gritting your teeth you dragged the scissors vertically down your wrist harshly, they cut into your flesh like a hot knife to butter. Blood flooded out of the new wound in consistent spurts, gaining momentum the faster your pulse ran. The crimson liquid began to fill the sink and dripped onto the floor, standing out against the onyx tiles. You didn’t feel pain. 

Just a warm numbness that took over your entire body. 

You couldn’t hear anything but the sound of your own pulse in your ears, your vision was clouded and turned your world into slow motion. 

Your knees gave way and you sat there on the bathroom floor, blood escaping down your thighs and further covering the floor. 

Then you heard his voice. 

Muffled and panicked as he ripped open the door, your eyes met his but you couldn’t see him clearly. Senses hazy and struggling to keep up with the rapid pace of the room around you. 

He held your gashed wrist in his hand and clamped down his fingers, attempting to stop the blood that oozed from the cut. He ripped the scissors out of your right hand and flung them across the floor. His free hand found your cheek and he jolted your head softly in his hands, making your eyes stay gazing into his. 

He continued to speak but his voice landed on deaf ears, he screamed at his knights to get a medical droid. 

You just wanted to sleep. 

Your eyes fluttered closed but he applied more pressure to your wrist and shook your head in his hand again. Willing you to stay with him. 

You scoffed in your head, he wanted to keep you alive so he could kill you himself. 

Although your eyes were failing you the pain in his irises was clear as day. 

He had heard you. 

That’s when the darkness finally crept in. Incoherent words were shouted, the clatter of a droid and more heavy footsteps followed. 

...

Kylo hadn’t left your side. 

He hadn’t moved since you had been bought to the medical wing. 

Luckily the gash wasn’t deep enough to be life threatening but the blood loss had caused substantial damage. After being sewn up and having two blood transfusions they finally let him in the room with you, he held your hand as he sat by your pristine white hospital cot. 

His brain was overflowing with so many questions and conflicting thoughts. 

Why did you do it? Why did you think those things? Why hadn’t you spoken to him? How long had you felt this way? 

Why did he leave you there alone? 

As soon as he had gotten you back to the Finalizer from Coruscant he took you to his room so you could sleep off your concussion. He knew there was no further injuries to worry about but a sinking feeling in his stomach almost had him curling up in the sheets with you. He washed it from his mind and set off to address his men on their next actions. 

He didn’t think he’d return to find you bleeding out on his bathroom floor. 

He brushed his thumb over the skin of your hand as you slept peacefully, the drugs and overstimulation of your mind had knocked you out completely. 

Your breathing was soft and you didn’t move a muscle. 

It had been a good few hours since you had gotten to the medical wing, he waited patiently for you to wake up. 

He was starting to drift off into a slumber of his own when a soft groan caught his ear, the jerking of your hand away from his really snapped him from his sleepy state. 

His eyes met yours and his brown knit in confusion. 

You glared at him.  Through him. 

Eyes full of pain and resentment. You wished your attempt had been successful. 

His eyes widened and tears fought there way to the space behind his irises. 

Your thoughts were so loud and truthful, echoing around his skull. 

“What happened?” 

He whispered as soft as he could. 

Reaching out for your hand again you still didn’t let him take it, clasping your hands together in your lap but hissing at the remaining pain in your wrist. 

“I want to go home.” 

More confusion hit him at your change of tone, voice raspy from sleep but full of venom.

“Home?” 

“Back to Hoth.” 

He was completely taken back. 

“Hoth is not your home Verena. The First Order is.” 

Kylo wasn’t good as these type of things, he searched his brain for words that would sound softer from his mouth. 

“This is not my home. Someone is waiting for me on Hoth and I need to speak with them.” 

Your voice grew louder so you were almost shouting, hands gripping the sheets that covered your lap until your knuckles were white. 

“Where is all this coming from? Talk to me..” 

He wanted nothing more then to take you in his arms and hold you close, the pain and anger you were feeling was intoxicating and he didn’t want to lose you to it. 

Not completely. 

“Fuck this.” 

You ripped the blanket from your body and swung your legs over the side of the bed, wobbly legs hitting the cold floor beneath you as your feet gave out instantly from the sedative you had been given. You cursed yourself and tried to get up but he was already there. 

“Take it easy, here.”

He wrapped his arms around your body to keep you steady as he lifted you but his skin burnt as it touched yours. The image of his lightsaber impaled deep into your chest as you whispered apology after apology to him swam to the forefront of your mind stinging your vision. 

He saw it too. 

You yelped and tried to claw your way out of his grip as more memories continued to flood your mind. Kissing him, holding him, his tongue against your skin and the way his body melted into yours as he cradled you. 

It was hellfire. 

He didn’t let you go. The same images of your nightmare clawed at his mind and the air caught in his throat, it wasn’t real. 

He would never do that to you. 

He recognised the woman’s name. 

It all made sense. Your conflicting sides of light and dark all made sense now, you were of elite blood. 

He walked and placed you back on the bed, sat on the edge with your legs dangling over the side. He moved his hands to your knees and pushed them apart so he could stand between them, taking your head in his hands so your eyes were forced to meet his. 

You didn’t recognise them. 

The genuine pain and sorrow in them took you off guard and the oxygen refused to travel into your lungs. 

“What else did you see?” 

His voice cracked as he spoke, barely above a whisper. 

Fresh tears brimmed in your eyes and cascaded over the flesh of your cheeks. 

“I..I don’t want to think about it anymore Kylo.” 

He knew that your words held a double meaning to them and his heart only ached more. 

“Verena please. It’s not real, tell me what you saw.” 

You didn’t answer him, hanging your head low as more salty tears fell. 

He took your hand from your lap and placed it on his cheek, his free hand tilting your chin up so your eyes met his. 

“Show me.” 

You closed your eyes and pressed your palm into the warm skin of his cheek, mustering up the last bit of strength you had to show him your memories. 

Your nightmare, the woman, the small boy’s memories, Kylo’s lightsaber tearing a burning hole into your chest. 

It hurt to relive it all but speaking of it hurt that much more, you strained as you continued to flood his mind with the visions. 

His heart leapt into his throat. It all felt so real. 

No wonder you didn’t want him near you. 

The woman’s image was so clear and vivid in your dreams, he worried it was an awakening. 

Just like he had the blood of Darth Vader flowing through his veins, your veins harboured the blood of Darth Traya. 

Kylo had heard stories of her name. 

As soon as he saw her vivid image in your mind the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. 

He needed to shield you from any further contact with her while he figured out a plan. 

He wouldn’t lose you to her. He had to be the one to guide you into the darkness. 

He gasped for air as you finally retracted your fingers from his face, settling them in your lap while you fiddled with them mindlessly. 

He still stood between your legs and you didn’t move to flinch away from him when he bought your head to his chest, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and holding you tight. 

Brushing your newly short hair with his fingers and rubbing your back with his other hand, he finally spoke after a long silence. 

Voice soft like silk. 

“Please talk to me if you ever feel like this again. I would never ever hurt you intentionally, I would hurt myself before I ever hurt you Verena. You mean too much to me.”

It was hard to believe his words when the images of him killing you were still so fresh and clear in your mind. You didn’t want to believe it either but you had to keep your guard up. 

He growled lightly and pulled your head from his chest. 

“Stop thinking like that.” 

Your eyes downcast and you felt embarrassed for feeling so sorry for yourself. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Your voice was barely above a whisper as you croaked out your words. Trying hard not to cry. 

He took your cheeks in his hands and looked deep into your eyes, his eyes were apologetic and full to the brim with adoration. It’s as if he knew his eyes told you more then his words. 

His eyes never lied to you. 

You craned your neck upwards so his lips met yours, warm and soft just like you remembered. 

It was short lived and sweet. Confirming that the two of you were back on the same page. 

You broke the kiss and pressed your forehead into his chest, he twirled your hair between his thumb and index finger, humming to himself. 

You looked up at him and your eyebrows knitted together in curiosity. 

“I like the new hair.” 

He smiled softly down at you but you just pushed your face back into the material on his chest. 

Mumbling inaudibly as he continued to mess with your hair. 

A short amount of time passed and you asked him to help you off the bed, further questioning him on wether you could take a walk around the ward to stretch your legs. 

He obliged but not without having you hooked onto his arm as you used him for support, you were grateful but he didn’t have to be so smug about it. 

The walk was comfortably silent as the two of you strode around the white washed corridors, he had you in a private section so you didn’t pass or interact with a single soul. 

You were grateful, you didn’t need anyone seeing you in this state. 

The man even shortened his ridiculously long stride so that you didn’t have to stretch to meet his pace. 

You broke the silence. 

“Kylo?” 

His eyes met yours as he looked down at you. 

His hair was messier then usual and his hazel eyes looked tired, the scar on his face looked agitated and red. He looked how you felt. 

“Yes?” 

Another long silence. 

You wracked your brain for the best words to use. 

“I feel like a losing myself Kylo, I’ve only just found my purpose. Where do we go from here?”

Kylo didn’t respond right away, the sound of his heavy boots hitting the durasteel vibrated through his legs and up his spine. He didn’t know what to say to you, he didn’t even know the answer. He needed to keep you by his side and that’s all he knew. 

“You’re finding your feet. Do you remember when I told you there was still light in you?”

You hummed in response, not conversing so that he could continue talking. 

“The light and the dark are equaling themselves out, as painful and dangerous as it is it needs to happen. I was foolish to leave you alone when you were in that state, for that I’m sorry. I will not make the same mistake again, but I need you to communicate with me Verena. Even if you can say it. I’ll hear you.” 

He had stopped walking mid sentence. Turning to you and grasping your shoulders as he leant down to meet your eyes, he held so much power and emotion behind his irises and you wondered wether he was speaking from experience. 

“O-okay. I promise I won’t do...that...again.” 

He hummed in acknowledgement and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. 

When you promised him you meant it. 

As conflicted as you felt you trusted Kylo’s words when he told you that it would pass. 

You looked forward to having the feeling of power run through your veins again. 

The two of you started to walk again. 

“When can I get out of here?”

He looked at you out of the corner of his eye as he continued walking with you on his arm. 

“I’m hoping tonight. You’re still weak so we just need to keep you monitored.”

You nodded and continued to fall in sync with him as you walked. 

Everything seemed to be piecing back together. As hard as it was to adjust you trusted Kylo’s words, this was your purpose. 

“How about we get you something to eat little one?” 

For the first time that day you really smiled. 

Food could always solve a problem. Right? 

“I’d like that Supreme Leader!”

Your tone didn’t go unnoticed as you beamed playfully. 

“Watch it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Again stick with me! It will all piece together, or if you’re really confused or impatient you can simply do some research! :)


	15. Beneath me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that the most notorious killer in the galaxy could make you feel this way?

It had been roughly two weeks since your attempt. 

Although Kylo kept an indirect close eye on you at all times things seemed to go back to normal, or rather as normal as they were before. 

For most of the time you were cooped up in his quarters tangled in his silk sheets as you slept the days away. He hated leaving you behind but it would take time for him to trust himself again, he knew keeping you on the Finalizer guarded by three of his knights would keep you out of harms way. 

Kylo would leave for days and each time he returned he was more battered and bruised then the last, his mood as foul and festering as the fresh wounds littering his body. He tried his best to keep his patience when it came to dealing with you but his sanity could any take so much, you’d poke and prod him with insensitive questions and beg him to take you with him till he would finally lash out regretfully. 

Each time he declined you it felt like a knife through the chest, he didn’t need you. 

As many times as he told you how important you were he simply left you here to rot in his chambers. Days and nights consumed by lonely boredom as the only sound to be heard is the quite hum of the ship drifting through space. 

Your already fragile self confidence and wavering attachment to the light haunted you. Constantly buzzing in your mind with dangerous what ifs and swirling possibilities of what might have been. 

You couldn’t help your mind drifting back to the resistance. You missed your brother, you missed the fresh greenery and thick shrubbery of the jungle you loved to escape to, you missed your back breaking training. 

All those things that helped keep you in check were now gone, with no vessel or channel for your anxieties and frustrations you were left to stew in your own pot of resentment and hate. 

You hated the Resistance. You hated the First Order. You hated everything and everyone. 

The longer Kylo was away the more you longed for him not to come back. Deep down in the darkest part of your existence your bloodthirst lusted for his knights to enter his quarters and break the news to you of his demise, he would be gone. You’d get rid of anyone in the way and take his place, you’d break the First Order till they bowed down to you. Weakened at the knee and subjected to a new rule at your hand, it would be yours to control and no one could take it away from you. 

You’d take back the control that so many had already taken away from you. From Hux, from the bounty hunters, from the knights...

But most of all. 

You’d take back that control from Kylo. 

No longer were you to be his pet. 

No longer would you mewl under his fingers as he rubbed your scalp like you were a mere kitten trapped in his iron grasp. 

No longer would you believe him when he told you everything you wanted to hear. 

Your new mindset was sealed the last time he had come home to the Finalizer. After being away for approximately four days he entered his quarters and found you in hysterics, babbling and screaming at the top of your lungs. Spewing hatred left, right and centre towards him, letting him know just how vexed you were. 

After so many times of pushing him and pushing him it happened. 

He finally snapped. 

Wether it was intentional or not you didn’t hang around to find out. He slapped you so hard across your cheek that it left stars dancing in your vision, the skin stung with the aftermath of his leather clad hand and the tears gave no warning as the flood gates opened instantly. 

The whole while you watched his face. His teeth bared and lips bitten back into a snarl, loose hair fell into his vision as he leered towards you, eyes narrowed into slits as they gleamed with annoyance and agitation. 

After the first hit you were stunned but when his hand came back up to strike you again you cowered back. Body caving in on itself as you fled for your life, locking yourself in his bathroom before his hands could find you again. 

He could have easily ripped your body through the wall using the force but he didn’t. 

It was difficult to hear his footsteps through the sound of your own ragged breathing and straggled sobs, but the sounds of guttural cries and his chamber doors slamming bought you back into reality. 

This was reality. 

No matter how many times he told you how much he adored you and would never hurt you it was inevitable. 

He was still the same monster that had ripped you away from your home that rainy night, as much as you didn’t belong with the resistance they still somewhat cared for your safety. 

They were scared but they never gave up. 

Kylo had already given up. 

Your fiery attitude and backhanded comments had already earned you a strike to the cheek. 

How were you supposed to rule alongside him when he still saw you beneath him? 

In the last few weeks he hadn’t made any further attempts to touch you. No kisses or back rubs or holding you as you fell asleep in his arms. It was all gone. 

Even when he was there he never slept. Hours spent hunched over his desk with his hair gripped so hard in his hands you thought he might rip it from his scalp, he was too defensive about anything when you tried to speak to him. 

You had no idea what he was doing when he was away but whatever it was you knew that it weighed on his mind day and night. Keeping his mind wide awake as his body fought against the growing fatigue, you had begged him to rest but he relented. 

He was so confusing to you. 

He wanted you safe yet he was the very thing that endangered you most. 

You began to fear him. Walking on broken glass anytime he was around you or holding your tongue whenever he would scold you like a child. 

You joined him to be equals. Not to be beneath him. 

So as you sat cradling your knees to your chest on his bathroom floor you made an oath to yourself. 

You would never let yourself fall beneath him. 

The next day came and he was gone. 

A signal on your data pad alerted you that he had left on his shuttle in the early hours of the morning, taking Ushar and Trudgen with him. 

No further information supplied you with his coordinates or intended destination, truthfully it didn’t matter. 

The phantom pain of his hand slamming against your cheek still lingered and it stoked a fire in your belly. A fire that you wouldn’t let be snuffed out, it was time for you to take your place and show the First Order why you were here. 

You were not a pet. You were not a toy. 

You were  Verena Ren. Commander of the Knights of Ren. 

And you were not about to let that be ripped away from you along with your dignity. 

It was time to take the control back. 

You sprung from the bed and bounded over to one of the closets. Kylo had been oh so kind enough to supply you with more then just revealing dresses and tight robes, even giving you your own space to keep your things. 

From the outside looking in the pair of you might have looked like a strong co-existing power couple, you couldn’t have been anything further from that. It felt like you didn’t know him anymore, or that you never knew the real him in the first place. 

All just a sweet act to pull you in further and further until he had sank his claws in deep enough that you couldn’t get away. 

Like a delicate butterfly’s wings caught snagged in a ferocious thorn bush, wings tearing and splitting as it struggled to clamber free. Inevitably losing it’s ability to ever fly free again, you wouldn’t let that happen. 

Your eyes skimmed through the multiple layers and hangers of silken robes and delicate lace. Tiny fingers skimming over the fabrics and twirling it as you continued to scan the garments. Just as you were about to move past it your eyes landed on a black gown you hadn’t worn yet. 

It was long and flowing, the skirt was adorned with soft sparkling threads and shone slightly transparent against the light. The bodes was tight fitting and held the same shimmering material as the skirt, the long sleeves bled into lace as they stretched over the shoulder and down the arms. 

It was gorgeous. 

Without hesitating you tugged it from it’s hanger and placed in on the bed behind you, stripping out of your sleep wear and tugging on fresh underwear. The thought of Kylo nagged at your mind but you pushed it away, he would be gone for days so there was no need to think about him now. 

The end of the dress pooled at your feet from the sheer length of it and it’s train was longer then any of the other dresses you had worn so far, you slipped it on and attempted to do the damn thing up yourself but it was futile. 

With a little yank from the force the zipper almost completely ripped away from the dress. Thankfully it didn’t but your skills involving the still foreign energy needed some fine tuning, immediately. 

Using the wide window that stretched across Kylo’s mass of a room you looked at yourself in the reflection. Your new hair still startled you from time to time when your forgot about it, walking past mirrors and windows and catching a glimpse often made your heart ache as you missed your long flowing locks. 

The feeling soon disappeared when you realised just how easy it was to wash and style your new short icy tendrils, still using your own reflection you delicately braided the hair on either side of your face and tugged them both to the back of your head so that it kept your hair out of your face. It was a style you often wore in your longer hair but it worked just as well if not looked better then it did before. 

Somewhat pleased with your appearance you slipped on your boots and grabbed your saber. The sizeable scratch across the hilt still had your blood boiling at the thought of those thugs mistreating such a valuable piece of yourself, shame they were already dead before you got the chance. 

You decided to grab a holster to wrap around the tender flesh of your thigh so that you could secure your weapon their, concealing it being the sheer layers of your gown. 

Making your way over to the door you attempted to summon the force again, the large metal slab groaned under your strain and shuddered as it tried to deny your request of movement. With a harsh flick of your wrist it opened and startled the knights situated outside of it, you couldn’t see their expressions from behind their helmets but they hadn’t expected to be seeing you at all. Especially looking like this, gown radiating manner and elegancy while your face was as powerful and stoic as the one your leader wore. Expression not faltering as you started out of the door and into the hallway, chin raised high and eyes continuing to look forward. 

“Lady Ren. What is the matter?” 

The four knights bowed their heads down at you in silent acknowledgement but didn’t move to block your path. Your intentions rang clear in your mind and you knew they could sense it, you could too. The growing excitement boiled in their blood at the prospect of leaving their post at their master’s door. 

“Come on boys. Let’s go have some fun.” 

Your tone was sharp and piercing as you punctuated your words and clicked your tongue. 

More excitement rose between the four men as two of them moved to stand either side of you and the other two fell into synch behind you. 

“Where are we going Lady Ren?”

The name they gave you didn’t even bother you anymore, if anything you welcomed it. 

No more mister nice guy. 

“To find our little ginger kitten.” 

...

Hux jumped when the doors to the conference room opened harshly, the metal clang snapping him out of his thoughts as he typed on his data pad. What surprised him even more was the lack of a body on the other side, not a single peep or indication of a person there. 

He noted it down and labelled it as a faulty door, but as soon as he logged it into his screen he heard the onslaught of heavy footfalls. He knew all too well who those heavy boots belonged too, the burly and bruising knights of Ren. The closer they approached the more he shrank down in his seat, the faint noise of a female laugh drifted into his ear canal. So soft and delicate that it sounded like it came from a siren. 

Just as he mind began to conjure up images you came into view. Flanked by two knights and followed by two more, your black sheer dress caressed the floor as you made your way into the room, it pooled around you in a mass of onyx material and the train was so long Hux thought that you were wearing one of Kylo’s cloaks. The lights in the room illuminated your skin as your exposed clavicle caught the general’s attention, short ivory hair pinned back so that more of your face was highlighted and in better view. 

He couldn’t deny that you looked radiant, a lifetime away from the blubbering, scared mess he had made of you a few weeks ago. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of our beautiful Lady Ren on this fine morning?”

Your lips parted as you used the tip of your tongue to skim the surface of your cuspids. 

A semi-threatening gesture, like a wolf baring it’s teeth in warning. 

“Enough of the pleasantries General. You won’t butter me up as easily as you do Kylo.” 

His auburn brow raised in acknowledgement. He loved it when you bit back at him, it had been a while since he’d seen you. 

Just last week the Supreme Leader had taken him away privately to very thoroughly warm him of what would happen if any harm came to you. Of course Hux swore on his grave that he wouldn’t go out of his way to harm you, he was telling the truth. 

The General’s actions were fuelled with the pure intention of getting under the skin of his childish and incapable leader. In his eyes Kylo was weak and foolish, with no clear strategies or plans for the First Order. Always acting on impulse and putting everyone’s lives on the line. 

Hux wanted to see the end of it. 

So for that. He would humour you, he’d play your game and find out where your mind really was. See if you would be a better remedy then the current Supreme leader, of course he already knew the answer but he wanted to be sure. He didn’t care about the war or the resistance. 

He cared about seeing Kylo Ren fall. 

“Fire away my lady. What could I possibly help you with? Tea? Boy trouble? You call tell Huxy anything you wish, our little secret hmm?” 

You suppressed the laugh that attempted to vibrate in your throat and coughed to mask it. Eyes softening slightly at the change in his demeanour, you could work with this. 

You sauntered over to the table where the general was seated and pulled back the chair opposite to him, sitting down carefully as you held the skirt of your dress between your fingers so you could adjust it. Folding one leg over the other to expose your lightsaber and leather clad thigh you leaned forward and placed your elbows on the table in front of you, knitting your hands together and resting your chin on top. 

“It’s more of a case of what can I do to help you  Armitage. ”

His first name fell from your lips like warm honey on a summers day, he stiffed in his seat and his thighs tensed as the sweet harmony of your voice flooded his senses. 

How did you?

“Don’t fuss over how I know your name. We have matters I want to discuss.”

Hux clamped his gaping jaw shut and swallowed the saliva that had pooled in his mouth, he straightened out his collar and cleared his throat. Trying not to dwell on the fact you were in his head and likely had been since he heard you walking down the corridor. 

“What do you want to know?” 

A glint of mischief flashed in your irises as your face split into a Cheshire Cat smile. 

“I want you to take me to the reconditioning facility.” 

The ginger’s eyebrows knit together in confusion at your request, of all things you could have asked of him. That was what you wanted? 

Your head still sat on your hands as you continued to speak, the slit of your dress exposing more and more of your bare thigh as your jiggled your leg in anticipation. 

“I read on the data pad that you were due to follow up a routine inspection there today. I’m sick and tired of Kylo treating me like a pet and keeping me caged in his room. So here I am. I’m going to accompany you.” 

Hux swallowed the lump in his throat and his eyes scanned the room. Two of the knights stood behind you glaring at him through their visors and the other two stayed by the closed door, he never learnt their names and never wanted to. He was only going to show his face, tick some boxes on a sheet of paper and leave. You were acting like it was some grand day out while it was more of a nuisance to him then a valuable task he looked forward to. 

“Are you sure that is wise? Forgive me but the presence of these hulking bafoons doesn’t seem very professional, I don’t think Phasma will appreciate them at all. She takes her job very seriously.”

You didn’t skip a beat. 

“As do I General. I am their Commander and they will follow my orders, I appreciate the input but where I go they go. Understood?” 

His eyes downcast as he mumbled out a meek response, his past spark now lost after his scalding. 

“Understood Ren.” 

You beamed over at him with squinted eyes. 

“Perfect. Then let’s get going.”

Before Hux could even shut down his data pad you were already bounding out the door. 

His nose still ached when he remembered just how hard you had slammed his face into the metal table, it was still bruised and delicate to touch. But that warning served him well from doing anything like that again, he would rather have an alliance with you then Kylo. 

This little trip could serve him well, if this didn’t get under their leaders skin then nothing would. 

He jogged lightly to catch up with you, squeezing past but careful not to touch the knights surrounding you just like they had when you entered the room. As you weaved down the hallway he noticed just how much smaller you were in comparison to himself, he was easily six foot but was still slightly dwarfed by the knights he was followed by. 

But not just your height was small, petite button nose, small elf like ears, plump but proportionate lips. Although you were curvy you weren’t plump, toned muscles were sealed underneath that sheer dress and Hux knew it. You might have been scared shitless during your first altercation but he would admit that your claw marks had left scars etched into the skin of his hands from your efforts to get away from him. The minute he felt your muscled torso pressed up against his own it lit a fire of curiosity in his mind. It still burned. 

You snapped him out of his thoughts when you propped out your foot in front of his, he blindly stumbled over it and you used the force to catch him before he fell. Suspending him in the middle of the hallway while you stopped dead, his face was a metre from the floor when you dropped your hold on him, slamming his body flat against the durasteel floor. He groaned and moved to sit on his knees, recovering from the wind knocked out his lungs. The sound of your dress moving against the floor snapped his attention and his eyes shot upto yours, making your way over to him you stood so the material of your dress just touched his clothed knees. 

You leered forward slightly and unconsciously so did he, from where he knelt his eyeline was just below your breasts. They flickered down for a brief second as the sparky, sheer material caught his eyes, he swore he could see your black lace bra if he looked close enough. One of your hands grasped his shoulder while the other took ahold of his chin,holding his jaw delicately between your thumb and index finger. 

“That’s what you get for staring General.” 

Your tone held a hint of playfulness as you referred to yourself tripping him up. 

In a split second you tightened your grip on his jaw and he groaned, dipping your head so that your lips brushed the shell of his ear. 

“And for thinking so fucking loud.” 

You husked breathily against his ear, the feel of your breath tickling his neck. 

You pulled back with a gleaming smile and released him, patting his cheek softly with your palm and turning to walk away. As if you hadn’t just spoken to him in the dirtiest tone he had ever heard anyone speak in. He shot upto his feet and fell back into step beside you, cheeks burning red with embarrassment as he walked stiffly. 

An aching throb now present in his uniform trousers. 

If you were going to play this game all day it would be the end of him. He knew it. 

Hux’s thoughts had surprised you. Back when him and his troopers had chased you down the hallways you couldn’t hear what he was thinking, couldn’t even hear your own thoughts. The only other person you had been able to connect to had been Kylo, but slowly and surely during your days spent doing fuck all else you had sensed warm bodies. The minds of your knights stood guard outside, troops patrolling the hallways and thinking about what they would have for lunch, radar technicians gossiping about something or other. 

Slowly you could sense more. Feel more. It was like a whole new sensation, you had first reached out to Vicrul and he responded immediately loud and clear. As time past you did it more and more, slowly gaining strength and momentum the more you did it. 

You never told Kylo. You were sure he wouldn’t be interested. 

You and Hux continued winding and weaving down the dark metal corridors, dipping in and out of different doors as you made your way to the reconditioning facility. 

You didn’t know what you were expecting to find when you got there but all you knew was that it was a chance to prove yourself. 

With or without Kylo there. 

As your mind continued to wander it wasn’t long before you were finally at your destination. It was located near the ship’s hangar and was held behind two large steel doors. Ap’lek and Cardo leapt forward and opened the doors for the two of you, following the rear again once everyone was through the towering doors. 

The sight before you took your breath away, line after line of troopers that seemed to stretch as far as the room did, it was a large mostly empty room that held a large space on the ground floor and was surrounded by different viewing points from different levels. 

The open floor looked like it was a simple and plain steel base and the viewing points where metal frames that joined to the wall and had stairs leading both up and down. At the very end of the room was a large stage like platform, dowsed in read cloth with a huge black First Order insignia stitched into it. 

The glint of armour caught your eye from across the vast expanse of the room, a trooper. No. Their armour was silver compared to the white surrounding them, they walked diligently through the rows and inspected the troopers. They were much taller then the white troopers were and their blaster was longer and more advanced compared to their standard issue ones. 

Hux caught your eyes narrowing as you tried to look closer. 

“Captain Phasma. She does an incredible job at keeping her troops inline, although we are at the reconditioning facility not all of the troops here are required to have it. More of a routine check if you ask me.”

You answered him nonchalantly as your eyes still continued to wander the room. 

“I see.” 

The next thing Hux did shocked you. It even shocked the knights behind you, the feeling hit you twice as they still gripped tightly to their weapons. 

He offered you his arm. Pointing out his elbow and creating a gap for you to loop your arm into the space in his, a formal gesture but one that was unexpected for the General. 

You hesitated slightly but took his arm regardless. During your time here you would definitely have to do worse then link arms with General Hux, might as well get used to it now. 

He led the two of you forward and peeled off down a short flight of stairs that led down to the rows of troopers. The onyx train of your dress lingered behind you as you descended and the knights had to be mindful not to step on it. They didn’t want to face your wrath if they ended up ripping your dress, or worse be at the hand of the man who had bought them for you. 

The soft sound of your footsteps intermingled with the harder, heavier ones of the men behind you as they echoed. Bouncing off the walls as you continued forward towards the red draped stage. Phasma glanced over but continued with her checks, no other trooper even swayed. Not a single movement coming from any of them. 

Hux’s head dipped down so it was level with your ear as you continued to walk conjoined, his voice was a low whisper and it didn’t settle well with your knights. They couldn’t hear him. 

“I have to give a quick speech for protocol and that’ll be it for today. Do you want to say something to them?”

For the first time that day a slither of fear crawled up your spine, it mixed with a flare of excitement but it was fear all the same. A growing knot in your stomach twisted and turned at the thought of addressingthe troops, this was normal now. 

No backing away.

You gestured for him to bring his ear to your lips as you replied, that same honey soaked voice dripping in his ear canal. 

“I think I’d like that General.” 

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end and you noticed, his body went ridged and a gust of warm air blew past his lips. 

You loved the affect you were having on him. He had held you against your will and bruised your jaw only a few short weeks ago and now you held him like putty in your hands, he was at your complete mercy and not because you had used force. Not because you had broken his nose. Because you had used your charm, with each whisper and each brush of your skin against his you sank your little claws deeper and deeper into his skin. Refusing to let up and holding him there until he did as you wished, he was a man with an urge and he would fulfil your wishes if he thought it would increases the chances of him bedding you. 

Of course he wouldn’t but he didn’t need to know that, although you’d never let it happen you knew Kylo wouldn’t either. You still didn’t know where the two of you stood currently but you knew he would snap Hux’s fingers one by one before he let them touch your skin. 

Well. Touch you anymore then he already had today. 

What Kylo didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. 

The stage came closer and closer into view and before you could blink you were climbing the stairs, the ginger general still held your arm in his as he slowed his pace so you could climb the steps in time with him. The dress might have been gorgeous but it certainly was a pain in the ass to move up a flight of stairs in. 

Hux detached his arm from yours for a split second while he pulled something up on his data pad. A small microscopic part of you missed the warmth and proximity of his body against yours, god you missed having someone with you in those silk sheets. 

Wait

Where the fuck did he pull that data pad from?

He typed in a jumbled code as you tried to glance over his shoulder, with him being at least a half a foot taller then you made that impossible. 

Before long he had linked his arm back around yours and started towards the podium, you glanced back towards your knights and signalled them to follow. You wanted them with you when you addressed the troopers, as scary as they might have been you were their commander now. It was time to show them who you were and what you were here for. 

Hux began bellowing at the top of his lungs without warning, his strong voice caused your left ear to ring in the aftermath. From his sheer volume and boring pretenses you tuned out, every other word he spoke was present in your ear drums but the rest was sifted out. Instead you gazed at the vision before you, row after row of neatly stood troopers, uniform stance and weapon held tightly to their chests. 

You could almost feel their nervous ragged breaths intertwine with your own, even though it looked as if they were staring dead set forward their eyes wandered. 

Taking in the mouth watering sight before them, a beautiful young woman stood on the stage with a gorgeous sheer black dress hugging her curves. 

Even the women among the troops couldn’t look away. 

Their eyes drifted to meet the cold gaze of the Knights’ visors, staring intently forward as they stood just a foot or two behind you. 

Guarding you. 

Watching you. 

The general’s voice died away as he bought his speech to a bittersweet ending. Pulling you forward by your interlinked arms he guided you so you were stood directly in front of the podium and so that your mouth was hovering above the microphone. 

Your tongue left your mouth to wet your lips as you wracked your brain for the right words. 

“I am Verena Ren. New Commander of the Knights of Ren.”

Small sounds elicited from the crowd but soon ceased when Phasma thumped the base of her long blaster on the floor twice. Signalling for them to shut the fuck up. 

“I am here to see the resistance fall. I will stop at nothing to bring them down and take what is rightfully ours, I will march with you when we leave for battle and I will fight by your side to ensure that we do not fail. My hands are destined to be bathed in the blood of the weak and ill-minded, only power will rise to the throne. I am that power. My knights and I will see to it that the resistance does not stand any longer. My knights and I will crush anyone in our way. Innocent or not. This is the last day of the resistance!” 

Adrenaline burned through your bloodstream and tears of pure excitement stung your eyes. Your voice felt raspy as you bellowed out into the echoing expanse of the room, you shot up your right hand as you fisted the air. The troopers joined you and raised their right hands, a grunt of acknowledgement leaving their uniformed helmets as they did. Causing a low octave tidal wave to sweep through the steel barricades. 

Phasma didn’t stop them this time but joined in, her blatant enthusiasm present as she mimicked your gesture. 

Your heart thundered against your sternum so hard you feared it may crash through, hands clammy from the anticipation and mouth dry from the strain on your voice. It felt amazing. 

For the first time you were in control of this, your voice was your vessel and the people in front of you were listening. Leaning towards your words as if they were the sweet nectar of everlasting life, they wanted your guidance and you were going to fucking give it to them. 

Your eyes were glued on the scene in front of you, troopers still cheering and the echoing sounds of celebration reverberated off of the strong durasteel walls. 

This was  power. 

...

About an hour had passed and the last trooper was ushered away by the captain, she bid you a slightly cold farewell and commented that she looked forward to working with you. She wasn’t the warmest of people but you assumed it was her line of work, she was in charge of hundreds of troopers, of course she wasn’t going to be skipping in circles with you making daisy chains. You appreciated her acknowledgement. 

Hux congratulated you and commented on how moving your speech was, although you assumed he was just grovelling again, you appreciated his efforts non the less and brushed him off. 

Vicrul was like a shadow and kept a close eye when Hux got a little too close for his liking, you noticed his behaviour and immediately scolded him but he didn’t give it up. He simply told you that although you were his Commander that Kylo was still his leader and comrade, just the mention of his name had your cheek stinging and mind swimming. You didn’t want plaguing thoughts of him to tear you down from your high, you wouldn’t let them. 

Although the two of you were speaking through the force you still managed to sharpen your tone with Vicrul. He didn’t back down but he laid off, simply ignoring you when you told him not to speak of Kylo. 

“Where to now then my Lady Ren? How about I treat you to dinner? Where shall we say...my quarters?” 

The husk in his voice should have sent alarm bells ringing in your head, the old you would have clawed her way out of his grip and run for the hills by now but things were different. You had complete control over the situation and if he wanted to play these dirty games then you would beat him at his own game. 

“Awe I’m sorry Huxy but I’ve got plans tonight. Maybe another time huh? How about we make a night of it?”

You put on the sweetest voice you could muster and propped yourself onto your tiptoes so you could whisper the latter of your sentence in his ear. 

He snagged you as you tried to pull away from him, tangling his hand in the back of your hair and holding you still. He playfully nipped at your earlobe and chuckled in your ear, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t enjoy the softer more playful side of the general. 

“I might just take you up on that offer kitten. If you come I might not let you go.” 

Another playful nip to the skin behind your ear and you giggled, pressing both of your hands against his chest so you could keep him just where you wanted him. You understood the double meaning in his words and he knew it, hot lips travelling down beyond your ear and trailing across your delicate throat. 

Vicrul had been called out to the landing bay for assistance so there was nothing in the way of you playing your games. All at your own pace. 

Ap’lek and Cardo didn’t move to intervene, they knew their boundaries. And they knew that you could speak to them indirectly if you needed them, so they idly stood by while you made of fool of Hux. 

Unbeknownst to him of course. 

The wet hot trail from his mouth fell lower to your clavicle and you half moaned half whispered in his ear, you were letting yourself enjoy this a little too much. Pretending it was someone else mouth assaulting your throat rather then the auburn haired general, your noises only egged him on more as you felt his teeth begin to scrape lightly across your skin. 

Your arm shot out to grasp for his bicep, grasp anything to keep your knees from buckling. 

A moan strangled in you throat as he continued to litter your neck with nips and sucks, wetting the blossoming marks with his tongue. 

A sudden jolt of searing pain shot through you from your head to your toes, like a surge of raw electricity coursing through you. It burned like hellfire but the aftermath was a wash of pleasure that crashed over your body. 

You shoved the heels of your palms into Hux’s shoulders to push him away, completely removing his intoxicating heat from your body and a few feet away from you. 

The two of you struggled for breath and confusion flashed in the auburn haired man’s irises, then he knew. A similar but more intensepain shot through the flesh of Hux’s mind as his clawed at his temples. 

You could feel him before you could see him, your eyes shot around the vast room trying to locate him. Trying to pinpoint where he was, you reached out with the force but he was cut off. Not allowing you in. 

The sound of heavy boots overhead caught your attention and low and behold there he was. Standing on the metal barricade with his faithful Vicrul by his side, his mask was off and his eyes were full of pure untamed rage. Although he was far above you on the metal frame you could see the twitch of his lip and the sneer of his face. 

You put as much space between yourself and Hux as you cold but it was too late. He’d entered your thoughts and he knew that you weren’t against what Hux was doing, you had encouraged him. 

You  liked  it. 

Your brain didn’t remember the time between Kylo descending the metal stairs with Vicrul barreling behind and the moment his gloved hand engulfed and wrapped around your forearm as he dragged you out of the room, you kicked and thrashed against him as he grappled you across the steel floor and out of the doors. 

You spat profanity after profanity as he wrangled you down the hallway, his heavy boots catching on your dress and tearing the sheer lace trail without care. You screamed and cried out your objections as he continued to man handle you, painfully twisting your wrists behind your back and pushing you forward so you had no option but to move where he wanted you to. The whole time he didn’t say a word, apart from a grunt or a groan when he struggled to contain you completely. 

You didn’t give up fighting him all the way through the corridors as he approached his quarters. That was the last place you wanted to be trapped with him, you yanked your wrists free of his vice like grasp and bolted. Small legs carrying you as fast as they could in the opposite direction but it was no use, that all too familiar feeling shrouded you and stopped you in your tracks, yanking you back slightly. 

You convulsed and tried to thrash away from the invisible grip but it was too strong, holding you still like you were trapped in ice. 

Kylo didn’t hurry to get to you, he wiped his brow on the back of his sleeve and sauntered over to you like he had all the time in the world. Heavy boots circling you as he drank in the sight of you, his hand came closer to take a hold of the fabric of the skirt as he continued circling, exposing more and more of your bare thigh to him as he did. He scoffed and let it fall, walking behind you and disappearing out of view. Your chest burned and your eyes darted back and forth as you tried to locate where he was going to come from, but he didn’t emerge.

At the same time as he dropped his force hold on you his hand found the back of your head and threaded painfully tight into the locks of your hair. Yanking back harshly so your shoulders touched his chest and your head fellback almost against his shoulder, your hands shot up to grip onto his wrist as he continued to wrap your hair around his digits and pull hard. 

A whine escaped your lips and you tried to jerk away but it only increased the pain. 

“If it were Hux doing this to you I’m sure you’d have offered to suck his cock by now.” 

It was the first time you had heard him speak to you in days and his tone was full of spite and venom. Hissing lowly in your ear as he continued his assault on your scalp. 

“Y-you’re wrong!”

You seethed through clenched teeth and tried your best to wriggle out of his grasp. 

“Oh little one. I saw your thoughts, such  naughty ,  loud  thoughts. You can’t lie to me.” 

What he failed to see what the fact that every time Hux had touched your body you had imagined it was him instead. It was Kylo’s lips brushing against your skin, Kylo’s hot breath fanning over the skin of your neck, Kylo’s erection standing proud as he rocked against your thigh. 

But it wasn’t. He had no interest in you, more absorbed in his own work and swanning off on ventures with his knights to be wrapped up in his sheets with you. 

It wasn’t about the sex but it was the intimacy. He had started off being so gentle and caring with you, delicate almost. He never put you in harms way and swore he would protect you to the ends of the galaxy. He helped you bathe, took care of you, held you, spoke sweet nothings into your ear until you fell asleep in his arms at night. 

He warmed your heart. 

Never in all of your twenty two years had anyone shown you the pure love and appreciation he had, the look his eyes held made your heart leap in it’s cage. For a split second you wanted to believe that you belonged with him, that strange pull wasn’t to the dark or the light...it was to him. 

But here he was, gripping your hair like he wanted to rip it from your scalp, chest heaving against your back like he was stopping himself from snapping your neck, teeth grazing the shell of your ear as seethed down at you. 

The anger was radiating off of him in tidal waves and that same familiar slither of fear crawled up each connection of your vertebrae and dissipated into a sickly feeling in your stomach. 

You might have had the control with Hux but Kylo held all of he control right now, his presence weighed you down like a stone paper weight and it suffocated your chest. 

“You..you don’t k-know shit!” 

You spat at him again and his free hand snaked around your waist and traveled up your sternum to find your jaw, clamping it shut between leather digits. You whined and squirmed away from him but he held you fast, not letting you move as far as an inch. 

“You’ve had me closed off since we left the facility. How are you doing it? You’re doing it intentionally, I can sense it. Why?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and continued to try to wrangle yourself free from his grip. You didn’t have anything to hide, the thoughts you had about him seared to the front of your mind and stung like an insect bite. You wanted his skin against yours, you wanted him to drag his lips across your body, you wanted him in every way you could have him. 

His absence had only made your heart grow fonder and ache with every passing minute he was away. You wanted him and he didn’t want you, he just didn’t want anyone else to have you. 

And it hurt. 

“I don’t have to tell you anything!” 

It was like you had flipped a switch. 

He pulled you along with him as he made his way back to his quarters, still stepping on your dress as he went and not giving a shit. 

As much as you were scared your spitfire attitude didn’t die out, using all the remainingstrength in your muscles you still tried to claw yourself away from him. 

His door opened he threw you inside. Literally. 

You hit the floor on your side and just managed to break the fall with your palms, you tried to clamber up to get away from him again but the door was already slammed and he was already hovering over you. 

He practically jumped on you and trapped your midriff between his strong thighs, grabbing and pinning your hands above your head so you couldn’t claw at him. 

Just like a pissed off kitten. 

You tried kicking your legs but the hulking mass of him was too great, a large wall of muscle pressing your body into the cold durasteel below you. 

Kylo tried everything to keep you still and he was running out of options. 

Your eyes widened as his warm lips crashed harshly into yours, not asking permission when he delve his tongue into your mouth. Licking your teeth and exploring the wet cavern as he claimed it for himself. You couldn’t help it, you gave in. The pressing heat of his body stirred a fire in your abdomen that couldn’t be extinguished, it was eating away at you from the inside out. 

Kylo’s sweat riddled hair tickled your forehead as he continued to assault your mouth, sucking and biting your lips so hard it felt like they would bruise. 

You moaned into his mouth and he growled in response. 

He released your mouth with a wet pop and sat back up, chest heaving and lips kiss swollen. His hair fell into his eyes and the light caught the angles of his face just right, he looked as gorgeous as ever. 

“You think I don’t want you?” 

Shit 

You still hadn’t mastered how to keep the walls up, although you had been able to crumble down the bricks of other people’s foundations you struggled to uphold your own. A slight distraction had them crashing down on their own, Kylo was that distraction. 

“Well I...I just...I don’t know.” 

You didn’t bother keeping them up. They had crashed and crumbled and you weren’t ready to pick up the fragmented pieces. You had lost. 

Again. 

He read your mind like a book. Your thoughts about him, your intentions with Hux, your insecurities, your doubts, your worries. 

They threatened to split Kylo’s spirit to the bone, as much as he cared for you he had neglected you and failed to see it clearly. He was working day and night to locate the glacier on Hoth and see if it was even real, he didn’t want to tell you because he knew you would want to go, he knew you’d run in head first without a plan and he needed you safe. 

He thought he was keeping you safe but he was suffocating you himself, only the other day he had struck you and he was beside himself. His pride refused to let him console you as you cried on the bathroom floor so he left to take it out on an unsuspecting control panel. When he came back you were already sound asleep in his onyx silk sheets, he hated the fact that he couldn’t spill out his heart to you but he needed to get to the bottom of your visions. He needed to ensure he wouldn’t lose you, he had always heard actions speak louder then words. 

Time to put that to the test. 

“This is the only place I want to see you  beneath me little one.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 530 HITS THATS INSANE! 
> 
> Thank you so much guys!🖤
> 
> Feel free to let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments below, I want to know where YOU guys want the story to go!


	16. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut smut smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this and I haven’t edited it yet so please don’t mind this garbage :)
> 
> Been very unmotivated lately but I have a very special something being published later...*cough* new fic *cough*

This is the only time I will let you be beneath me little one.

Kylo’s words thumped loudly in your head but not as loud as your racing heartbeat, pulse throbbing against it’s constraints in your veins and making you dizzy. Drunk from lust and the overexertion of your diffusing anger. You wanted to hate him. Wanted him to leave. Wanted to slash him to pieces with his own lightsaber. He’d acted like a dick. 

Hurt you. Cornered you. Belittled you. Embarrassed you. 

Yet. He was here, straddling you and assaulting your lips with his own and you couldn’t move. Didn’t want to move. His body radiated an intoxicatingly warm heat and you wanted to be engulfed by it, wanted to burn up in it’s flames and dissipate into a pile of pleasure and want. 

One of his hands held the side of your neck as he continued to tongue your mouth, moving his lips to deepen the kiss so that your eyes rolled back in your head. His other hand was grasping the curve of you hip.  Hard . Hard enough you were sure he’d bruise the skin. Brushing his large thumbs over the lace material covering your pelvis. As if the thin sheer material would wear away with his touch. 

He increased the pressure of his digits against your throat and you half gasped half moaned into his mouth. You were angry but your body was betraying you. The two of you might have been as close as two people could physically be but it felt like your minds couldn’t be further apart. He was too wrapped up in his work to acknowledge you and now he wanted you. Your head swam with a million possibilities but they soon sank away as your mind became submerged with that same primal instinct climbing up your spine. 

Your hands were tangled in his velvet onyx locks as you fisted them between your fingers, his hips bucked into yours and he bit harshly against your bottom lip. Further drawing a moan from you. His lips trailed a long wet line from your lips down across your jaw and further down your neck. Smothering your clavicle with his lips and traveling back up again. He placed open mouthed kisses against your throat and collar bones. Hands now roaming and palming your plump flesh through the intricate dress. 

You moaned. Loudly. As his teeth sank into your jugular. He could feel the rapid pulse between his teeth and smirked into the skin of your neck. Kissing and lapping his tongue over the blossoming red mark. Your hips raised to meet his mindlessly and brushed against his already painfully hard erection. Cock begging to be freed from it’s restraints, already angry red and leaking pre cum. Kylo didn’t even know he was this pent up. 

Your hands were clawing down his clothed shoulders and back. Feeling a nail or two painfully twang at the force behind it. Just his mouth was making you feel so good already, the thought of this continuing excited you and scared you. Where would you stand after this? 

You tried wriggling free from his hold but he growled deeply in his throat and clamped his whole body tighter. Thighs tensing around your midriff. Hands and fingers gripping tighter to whatever flesh it was closest to. If it was even possible he kissed you harder. Lips threatening to bruise your own as he crushed them together and didn’t relent. Hands still roaming and tongue coming back out to play. 

Your hands fisted into his robes as he pressed his body closer to yours. You could feel his cock through his pants and it was harder then obsidian. Throbbing prominently against your thigh and begging to be acknowledged. 

The low drawl of his deep voice snapped you away from bliss as he pulled back, sitting to his full height and glowering down at you. 

“I want this off.” 

The material of your dress was curled so tight between his fingers you knew he could rip it with just a soft tug. His eyes looked like sharply polished flint as they caught the light, never leaving yours as you willed your body to move. To do something. Anything. You looked like a deer caught in headlights and it made Kylo’s pulse jump in his veins. The sheer panic and hint of fear dancing off your irises got him going in a way no amount of lace dresses could. Your cerulean eyes were glowing in the fading dim lights of his quarters and he wanted to bask in them. Infiltrate their unique beauty and become lost in the deep oceans within. Drown in your mind and never reach for air. 

He rose from his knees and towered to his full height over you. Large booted feet either side of your thighs. You sat up. Moving tentatively so he wouldn’t strike like a viper. Waiting for you to get your hopes up before he tore them to shreds with his bare calloused hands. 

A smirk tugged up one side of his face. You feared him and he liked it. As guilty as he felt from hurting you and abandoning you he was going to enjoy this. Breaking you down into a pool of lust and pleasure at his feet. Soaking into his sheets and into the durasteel floors. Like blood dripping from a fresh wound you would ooze with it. Dripping from your every pore and it would all be for him. 

He held out a gloved hand. You silently raised your own hand to place it in his palm but he moved it away. Teeth bared as he chuckled lowly at you. Mocking you. 

“No little one.” 

He bent at the knee slightly and bought his hand to your cheek. Brushing across it with the backs of his knuckles before he flipped his hand over and placed the pads of his digits against your lips. 

“Bite.” 

His order was sharp and cut through you like a hot knife to butter. Sizzling as it tore through your bones and wracked your senses. 

You did as you were told. In no position or mind frame to disobey him. Your pulse was still racing and the heat between your legs was growing into a painful throb. Pulsing to be filled and defiled in ways you didn’t know your body would handle. 

You parted your lips and let your teeth sink into the edge of the leather covering his finger tips, as you added pressure he pulled his hand back and the glove slipped off. Holding it in your mouth for a split second before letting it fall into your lap. He didn’t need to ask you twice. You parted your lips and waited patiently for him to repeat the process. He noticed this. Such a good girl he thought. But he threw you off. Not wanting this to be as predictable as you were assuming it to be.

“Not so fast little one. Open.” 

Your eyes widened and your mouth hung open more. Not in obedience this time. This time it was more shock. His words so blatant and loud ringing in your skull. He had no shame and no stipulations. His voice was a husky low drawl and the fire licking in your abdomen only grew in ferocity each time he punctuated a syllable. 

He took advantage of your surprise and placed his remaining leather digits against your tongue. Pushing up and over to sit on your pallet. You could feel the warmth of his calloused skin through the cold leather. It tasted stale and clean. It’s smoothness ran over your wet muscle with ease, slicking his digits in the wet warmness of your mouth. 

You couldn’t help but hum around his fingers. The strange arousal creeping higher up your spine the more he moved in your mouth. His eyes were glinting like black pools of lust, swirling and growing as the seconds went by. 

“Such a good girl.”

Your mind and your body were disagreeing. Mind screaming at you to run a mile away from him and never turn around. Leave him and be gone for good so he couldn’t find you again. Your body was screaming too.  Louder.  Body throbbing with a growing need. Greed teetering up the vertebrae of your spine as you tried to resist the urge to suck his digits, wet them and massage them with your tongue as he growls his praises at you. You wanted nothing more. 

You blinked up at him with big blue eyes. Blown wide with need as he glowered down at you through his long dark lashes. In a split second his hand was tangled in the short tresses of your hair, wrenching your head up with a jolt as his fingers popped out of your mouth with a wet smack. Leaning down over you and tracing his lips against the shell of your ear. 

“Such filthy thoughts.” 

He smirked. You knew it. You heard it. 

He let go of you completely and stepped away. At least a foot away from where you still sat perched on the durasteel floor. Your chest heaved and you sucked in air greedily as you finally had the room to breathe. 

“Up.”

A short sweat wept onto your brow and you swallowed the invisible lump in your throat. The sound of your skirts crumpling echoed in the silence as you scrambled to your feet, trying hard not to trip or step on the long dress. You stood straight. Body covered in goosebumps and slicked in thin layer of excited sweat. Pussy already dripping for the man stood before you. Knees weak. Thighs trembling. You couldn’t hold on. 

You stood still. Staying unmoving as he stepped forward and started to circle you. Just like he had done in the hallways. Honey hazel eyes drinking in your frame as he eyed you up. Black boots grazing the lace of your dress as he stepped diligently. The only sounds were the entwined heavy breathes you shared with eachother and the beating of his footsteps. 

You gasped when his ungloved fingers swept your hair from the back of your neck. Exposing the delicate pale skin of your throat. He moved closer and your back was suddenly flush with his chest. His warm digits traced lines over the exposed skin of your shoulder blades and neck. You were frozen. Under the mercy of his touch. You felt his lips on your spine as he traced them up your neck, delicate kisses littered on your shoulders and throat. He had you whining with the littlest touches. You shuddered. Full body tremors licking up from your toes to the top of your head. He noticed. Smirk curling as his lips still puckered against your skin. 

His fingers went back down. Down down down. One single digit tracing the column of your spine as far down as your tail bone, slipping back up the same way. Your eyes blew wide again when he tugged at your zipper. Taking it between his thumb and index fingers and pulling it down will little care. The air caught in your throat and you clenched your thighs together. Anticipating what was to come. That same fire still burning bright in your lower belly. 

He tugged the zipper all the way down and his fingers brushed unintentionally across the bare skin it had exposed. He abandoned your body and moved around you again, coming back into your view from the right. Smirk still plain as the sun in the sky on his face. Eyes even darker with sin and need. 

He stood before you and clasped his hands behind his back. Not speaking. No noise. Just looking. He nodded his head to you. Signalling you to drop the dress. The dress you were holding tight into your chest as your small palms were the only thing keeping your near naked body from his begging eyes. Your chest tightened and your palms grew clammy. His eyes didn’t cease when he took a step forward. Warning you. Challenging you. 

You squeaked and took a step back. You needed to control this. Some of this. 

You puffed out your chest and tilted your chin up. Meeting him head on and holding his piercing stare. Your irises never left his honey lemon eyes as you dropped your hands. The heavy bodes of the dress falling away and exposing your torso to him. You pushed the skirt of the dress away from your hips and stepped out of it. Kicking off your boots with it. 

You saw something flash over his vision but it was too quick. He stood staring at you for what felt like a millennium. Admiring. Every scar. Every lump. Every bump. Every freckle. Every mark. 

He’d seen you completely bare before but seeing you stood before him with nothing more then thin straps of black lace fabric covering your perfect round tits and plush mound was more exhilarating to him. Something he couldn’t have. He would take it. Throw you into a vat of pleasure and submerge you in it’s blissful waters. The time he had neglected you he would make up for in more then just words. 

He stepped to you again. Closing the distance between the two of you. Hot breath fanning your face as he took in deep inhales through his plush parted lips. 

“You know I can take whatever I want.”

His deep velvet voice had your bare thighs trembling. You could feel the oozing stickiness pool between your legs. Your chests touched with each inhale and your tits brushed his torso in languid strokes each time. Locking eyes again he pounced. Latching his lips to yours as one of his hands spanned over the side of your neck and the other grabbed a fistful of your ass. Squeezing hard. You moaned into his mouth and he ate it right up. Swallowing your whines and mewls as his large mitt continued to wander and pillage your flesh. His grasp was bruising and it only made you gush more. 

“Show me.” 

You all but whispered into the emptiness of the room. 

His hands traced down to the backs of your thighs. In one pull he hoisted you up, you gasped but his mouth didn’t move from yours. He wrapped your legs around his wide waist and moved forward. Blindly walking your bodies in the direction of his bed. You didn’t register what was happening until your back was met with cold soft silk, your body draped onto his king sized bed as your waist was by between his tree trunk thighs once again. Another bruisingly hard kiss to the lips. Tongues tangling. Teeth clashing. Lips biting. 

Your little hands wanted to get even. Trailing and tugging at the hem of his tunic. Attempting to pull it up yourself as your mouth remained busied. He caught on quickly. Pulling back and sitting tall as he removed his top. Rippling scarred muscles moving beneath the taught pale skin of his torso. Defined physique relating to that of a Greek god. Still covered with fresh bruises and blemishes. Your hands shot up with purpose. Palming his muscles and scraping your finger nails over the battered skin. He held a groan in his throat and dipped back down, lips littering flesh welts into your delicate throat and hot exposed chest. It was your turn to moan. His hands wandering, palming, grabbing and pinching. Mouth still busy sucking and licking against your flesh, scraping his teeth over your jugular harshly. 

He didn’t waste anymore time. He was desperate. You were desperate. His hands found the clasp of your bra and he all but ripped it open, fabric screeching as it pulled away at the stitches. Your mouth gaped open but it only gave his tongue more room to delve deeper. In a flash your bare tits were exposed to him. Bra slung across the room to be forgotten about. 

He pulled back again to drink you in. Eyes roaming and piercing you swore you could feel them burn your flesh. He dipped down and took one of your pebbled nipples in his mouth, hard from the arousal and cold air now smothered with his hot muscle and mouth. Your back arched into him and your fingers scraped down his shoulders. Seeking anything to ground yourself. His eyes met your through hooded lids as he worked on your tits, palms and mouth working in synch to massage and rub. He didn’t let up. Increasing the pressure and adding his teeth into the mix. Delicately scraping and nipping at the plump flesh, leaving blooming bruises in his wake. 

He trailed his lips up your throat and met your lips again. Sucking and melding yours with his. You were so lost and blissed out between his kisses and the ghost sensation still trailing across your chest that you didn’t notice when his calloused digits breached the hem of your underwear. Two fingers softly tracing over your clit and teasing the pink flesh. Your eyes screwed shut and your chest heaved. Mouth gaping and mewling your praises to him. 

He stopped. Removing his fingers and taking your chin between them again. 

“Keep your eyes open little one. I want see those pretty blue eyes when you cum.” 

His voice only grew slower and deeper. Your mind was swimming. It took everyone of your muscle fibres to will your eyes to stay open when he started to tease your clit again. Rubbing tight circles as he increased the pressure. You knew it wouldn’t take a lot more. 

His mouth returned to yours when he pushed two of his fingers into your core. Slamming you against a wall of pleasure. Hard enough to crack bones. You moaned so loud you thought the whole ship would hear. And he let you. Leaving your mouth for a split second so he could hear your pleasured screams ring off the walls surrounding you. He didn’t start slow, pumping in a steady rhythm right off the cuff and pushing his digits into your dripping wet cunt. It was all for him. His mouth watered at the sight and his cock jumped in anticipation. 

Your nails were raking red train tracks across his back and shoulder blades but it only irked him on. The added pain mixing with his pleasure was his favourite cocktail. He needed it harder. He pulled back and removed his fingers. You whined at the loss of friction and feeling so full. Ripped away in a split second before you could even climb the barrier of your climax. 

He hooked his fingers into the black lace underwear and yanked it down. Harshly biting friction against your thighs as it went. He pulled them off your ankles and they were discarded across the room too. You were bare naked in front of him. Spread out in his sheets before him like butter on toast. Completely at his mercy as his hungry eyes raked across your body. 

His eyes lingered between your legs and your skin stung from his stare. He was so intense and he knew it. You moved to sit up on your elbows but you were harshly yanked down by your feet. Legs dangling off the edge of the bed and your back flag against his sheets. 

Kylo stood between your parted legs and trailed his warm fingers up your thighs. He bent at the knee and face to face with your throbbing pussy. Already weeping and glistening with your sweet wetness for him. 

He wrapped your legs over his shoulders so he was buried between your thighs. Inhaling your sweet scent before diving in. Your body ached with anticipation and your eyes swirled shut. You didn’t notice he was looking at you through dark hooded lids. Eyes of obsidian glaring over at you. He moved to flick your clit harshly with his finger and you jolted. Whining from the pain as it stung your flesh. You liked it. 

“Eyes on me.”

You obeyed him and looked down at him, despite how horrendous the angle must have been. As you looked down to meet his eyes he smirked and delve his tongue into your dripping core. A moan bloomed in your throat and bellowed out against the steel of his room. With the same relentless pace as before he pumped his tongue inside of you. Drinking in your juices and lapping at your folds. No crevice or nerve left untouched. You were a sweaty mewling mess in his silk sheets, back arched and bedsheets scrunched tightly between your fingers. Just when you thought the pleasure was too much he added two fingers back in. Pumping around his tongue as he still licked you out. The twang in your abdomen was growing and it felt like it would snap at any second. He sucked harshly on your clit and his prominent nose was digging into the flesh of your mound. He moaned in his throat as you continued to gush for him. Tasting sweeter then he had imagined. His fingers curled up inside of you and you lost it. Rocking your hips into him so he would hit the same spot. He caught on and smirked, harshly curling into that one spot again and again. 

You moaned anomalistically as you came around his fingers and mouth. It wracked your entire body and bright white stars burst into your vision. Blinding you with a blissful sensation that wrapped around your bones. He lapped up every ounce of your orgasm and continued to work you way past your limit, overstimulating you to the point you were screaming his name. One last long flat tongued lick up across your pussy and he was finished. For now. 

Standing straight he pulled his pants down over his strong thick thighs and kicked them off the rest of his legs. Toeing off his boots at the same time till he was left in nothing but his boxers before you. Wet with pre cum as it stained through the dark material. You came down from your high and your chest and throat burned with the lingering sensations. Your eyes were met with Kylo stood over you, naked apart from his underwear and eyes as dark as the obis of space behind you through the window. He crawled down over you and caged your head between his arms. He didn’t dip down to kiss you but he let his eyes study your face for a brief moment. 

You were still breathing heavily as your chest pushed against his with each inhale. Pink pebbled nipples grating against his pecs sending a shiver ripple up his spine from the contact. You bought your hands up to cup his face and let your fingers caress the scar on his right side. Pads of your fingers falling into the grooves and uneven texture of the skin, he didn’t flinch or pull away but his eyes never left you. Hazel honey meeting cerulean blue. 

His breathing was ragged and he was fighting everything to let you have this moment. Cock straining and pulse leaping as your little finger tips traced his scarred skin. You weren’t afraid now. 

You bought his face down to meet your lips. Not him. Humming as the taste of you still lingered on his lips and tongue, bleeding into your mouth with a sticky sweetness.His hands tangled back into your hair and you let him take the lead again. Bruising lips and crushing tongue. You were both panting into each other’s mouths by this point and it only grew hotter. He was a furnace. Burning and heating as the tension grew. You could feel his hardness rocking against your thigh as he moved to lay his weight between your spread legs. Nothing but a single thin layer of material keeping him from knocking himself balls deep into your warm wet cunt. The thought had him reeling. 

With one harsh yank he pulled the briefs to lay down his thighs. Hard cock springing free and already weeping for attention. His size and girth had your eyes widening but his lips against your neck had your worries fading away. 

With one low swoop of his hips he was seated inside of your dripping core. Pain overlapped the pleasure and your nails raked deep crimson train tracks into the skin of his back. Blood seeping under your fingernails from the strength of it. You cried out as he rocked deeper into you. It felt like he was splitting you apart and it was delicious. 

He set a painfully slow pace as you felt every ridge and vein of his push against your walls as you clenched around him. Nothing but a sympathy of moans and slapping skin filled the room. Echoing off the walls and vibrating in your ear drums. His pace was cruel but his lips turned gentle against your skin, brushing softly against your neck and cheeks as he rutted into you. Continuing to stretch you to accommodate his brute length. His groans lodged in his throat as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, still rocking into you as he chased his oncoming release. 

He sat up taller and his eyes were glinting darker the the night sky. Sweat damp hair dangling in his vision and a rosy tint caressing his cheeks. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he continued to fuck you into oblivion. The whole bed moving and juttering as his pace didn’t slow, moving to brush his thumb in rapid circles over your clit to build your second orgasm.

It worked. 

Not long after you were clung to him like a vice. Nails scraping, thighs tensing and teeth grinding as he metaphorically picked you up and threw you into a stone solid wall of overstimulating pleasure. Riding you through your bone shattering release as he finished himself. Your cunt clenching around him and milking him for every ounce he had. Throbbing and pulsing as he groaned into the hot sweaty skin of your chest. 

He didn’t unsheathe himself straight away. Basking in the afterglow as the both of you continued to suck down oxygen into your lungs, struggling to acquire it quick enough. He looked down at you and again you saw something foreign in his eyes. It wasn’t lust. It wasn’t need. It wasn’t anger. 

But you couldn’t figure it out still. 

His big calloused hand reached up to your cheek. Brushing it tenderly and moving a sweaty stray piece of hair away. His fingers lingered on your cheek and you let your face fall into his hand. 

As aggravating and calculating as he was. 

He still felt like  Home. 

He pulled out and crawled over you. Pulling you up the bed so your back was flushed with his sweaty chest. Both spent and blissed out to fuck. He shimmied the silk covers over his legs and reached to pull them up. Let them dip lazily against yours waists. He cradled your chest between his arms and held you so tightly. So tightly like he was afraid of letting you go. 

He was. 


	17. Love Me Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His deep drawling voice broke your thoughts as he spoke. Voice husky and hoarse from sleep and sex. 
> 
> “Don’t feel guilty. Made the experience all that much better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have some Fluff✨

An aching pain in your abdomen slowly bought you back to the land of the living, sleep crusted in your eyes and they struggled to adjust to the darkness of the room.

Your lips still tingled with the taste of yourself and Kylo on them, images of the closeness the two of you shared last night bit at your vision and you couldn’t help it when your cheeks flushed. You could still feel the sticky ooze of sex between your thighs as you shifted to sit up against the headboard of the bed.

Unconsciously reaching out your arm to locate your bed mate you realised he wasn’t beside you, it wasn’t quite morning yet but it wasn’t night either. The swirling void of stars piercing your vision from the looking window didn’t help decipher the time, just a constant obsidian blanket specked with shining balls of bright white.

A gasp caught in your throat when you felt something at the end of the bed shift, it was Kylo.

Still partially nude apart from the briefs hugging his groin and thighs, he was sat with his back to you with his head held low and had his elbows balanced on his knees.

He wasn’t blissful or content.

He looked worried. Vexed. Stressed. Something foreign that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, he was always this way. You could never anticipate his emotions or hope to understand them.

You quietly shifted so you were crawling to him on your hands and knees, wrapping his thin onyx sheets to your chest to instil some warmth. When you reached just close enough to reach out and touch him you stopped, worried that he would try to move away. You shuffled so that you were sat with your knees bent underneath you, inevitably causing your feet and lower legs to turn to numb rubber but you didn’t care.

His breathing shifted as you traced a single fingertips down the length of his mighty spine, in the darkness you could still make out the vast waking planes of muscle that build his broad frame. His shoulder blades were hunched and bulking as his breathing quickened ever so slightly, still tracing feather light fingertips over his back. You stifled a gasp when your fingers traced over raised scratch marks, they littered the entire expanse of his upper bank as especially lingered on the alabaster skin of his shoulder blades. You knew he’d had worse but you couldn’t help but feel a microscopic slither of guilt trail up your spine.

His deep drawling voice broke your thoughts as he spoke. Voice husky and hoarse from sleep and sex.

“Don’t feel guilty. Made the experience all that much better.”

His voice betrayed his body language with it’s softness. You hadn’t expected him to be so gentle when speaking to you, assuming things would go back to the way they were after last nights affairs.

You moved closer and pressed your chest to his naked body, just a thin layer of silk keeping your skin from his. You trailed your arms around his chest and let your fingers idly glide between the ridges of his defined pectorals and abs, the thick slabs of muscle were velvet soft to the touch apart from the occasional rough scar or damaged tissue that would skin beneath the pads of your fingers. He sighed a deep exhale as your continued to touch him, you hoped he felt as comforted as you did when you were this close to each other. His body moulding to yours did indeed feel like home. Not only when you had sex but in general, he made you feel okay.

“You need to let me clean them at least. Why are you awake so early?”

He shifted slightly so you were pressed even closer to him.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you the same thing little one?”

Your eye lashes fluttered against his scapula as you rolled your eyes, calculated as ever.

“I asked you first supreme leader.”

In one quick swoop of your bodies he was above you. Thick muscled arms caging you beneath him as your breath caught in the juncture of your throat, eyes wet with anticipation and want. His eyes were dark and clouded as they scanned every detail of you face, taking in your disheveled hair and flushed cheeks. The aftermath of a good fucking.

“You need to watch who you’re speaking to commander.”

His voice was dripping with lust at this point as he spat your title at you. It had completely slipped your mind if you were honest.

Your flushed face and parted lips had him using every ounce of his self control, he wanted nothing more then to take you right here underneath him. Rip away those kriffing silk sheets that you hid yourself with and fuck you till the suns rolled around. Yet he couldn’t. He’d heard you whine when you stirred away, he’d read your thoughts and he knew you were sore. He would let you rest before he took you again. The last thing he would do is hurt you anymore then he already had.

Instead he dipped down and pressed his lips against yours in the tenderest kiss you had ever been gifted in your life, you timidly let your palms rest again this cheeks as you let your thumbs brush across his cheek bones. Every angle of his chiseled face under the mercy of you touch, it was a natural feeling. His skin beneath yours as you explored him.

He was all yours.

He removed his lips from yours but you still held his face in your hands. Brushing over his scar as it flushed a deeper red with his rising temperature, it was well healed but it still felt rough beneath your palm. You hated that he had to go through so much pain, you hated the fact you felt helpless when it came to protecting him. He would tell you he didn’t need protecting but everybody needed someone there to lend a shoulder. At least let him take some of the brooding hatred he was carrying in the tense coils of his mind and muscles.

His big finger came to your cheeks and he brushed a damp strand of hair from your face. Tucking it behind your ear.

You couldn’t help but smile and lean into his hand. And he let you. He let you lean into the warmth of his body as you two simply stared at each other. You could have sworn you saw the slight tug of a smile crawl at the edge of his lip.

“Can we talk about yesterday? Please.”

He didn’t curl away but his eyes hardened at your question. Between the sex, the sleep and the waking up you’d almost forgotten yesterday’s events.

Kylo saw you with Hux and you didn’t have any chance to explain yourself, you knew he would have seen everything unfold in your head but it didn’t feel right. A nagging weight sat on your chest with the guilt and burden you carried, you wanted him to hear it from your own lips rather then just plucking it from your skull.

He gave you a slight nod and he moved to balance his weight on his elbow, his body was still on top of yours but he balanced to the side.

“I don’t know what you saw between Hux and I but I wanted to clear it up, I can’t tell you it wasn’t what it looked like because it was. I wanted to get back at you. I wanted to take control. I wanted to feel like something other then a prisoner. Hux was there and I took the opportunity. No way on any planet in any system would I fuck him but I was angry, I didn’t expect you to be back so soon. I didn’t think. I never think. I’m sorry.”

Kylo just looked at you. Honey-lemon eyes scanning you as he accessed your words and thoughts. He’d scanned through your mind when you fell asleep in his arms last night. Occupational hazard. He couldn’t help it, your mind was just constantly so open to him. He saw and felt everything you did. Much to his disgust when he felt Armitage’s hands roam to places where they shouldn’t have, he knew you were telling the truth when you said you wouldn’t fuck him. He somewhat understood your anger when he plunged into your subconscious thoughts, you weren’t just angry at him but yourself too. Not being able to make sense out of the past few weeks, your suicide still played on your mind and you felt guilty for it every waking second of the day. It broke the void where his heart should have laid.

He wanted to take all of this turmoil away from you, he wanted your mind and body free of it’s worries and stresses.

“I understand little one. From now on I won’t keep you in the dark. I’ve learnt not to do that the hard way and I hope I can learn from my mistakes. Staring today I’ll inform you of everything. For now I want you to rest, please.”

Your confession had been easier then you ever thought it could have been. You expected him to scream and shout and rage. Cry out into the dark obis of his quarters as he slashed something with his lightsaber or smashed something with his hands.

You wanted to cry tears of joy, you knew you were in the wrong but you were both to blame. Your lack of communication with one another had landed you both to be scalded by the boiling temper of each other’s wraths. His was more brutal but you figured you’d get back at him using Hux, it worked but you didn’t feel any better for it.

You tipped your chin upwards and used your hands to pull his face to yours, timidly kissing him as if you were scared he’d pull away. These sensations were still all too new to you, despite his fiery temper and explosive behaviour you were safe from his wrath. He was gentle and considerate with you, yet you would still fret when pressing your lips to his.

He smiled into the kiss and deepened it. You wanted to shrivel up there and then. An overwhelming sensation of peace washed over the two of you as you simply existed in one another’s arms.

The kiss broke and you were both breathless.

You smiled as you spoke. Looking directly into his dark hazel irises.

“Humour me and let me take care of your back. There’s blood and I don’t it to get worse.”

With a slight roll of his eyes he moved to get off of you.

“I hope this doesn’t mean you’ll be gentler in the future.”

You smiled and shoot your head as you moved to crawl off the bed. Keeping the sheets wrapped around your frame.

“I’m not promising anything Kylo.”

The softness of your voice rung in his ears and he couldn’t help pouncing on you again. Wrapping his arms around your hips as he stole another kiss, your shifted to your tip toes as you deepened it.

He kept stealing pecks and kisses as the two of you shifted to his bathroom. You asked him to sit on the edge of the tub as you rummaged through the the cupboard beneath the sink, the scratched weren’t deep so you simply wet a cold cloth and hoped it would suffice.

You moved toward him and squeezed the remainder of the excess water into the tub behind him, placing a dainty palm on his shoulder you urged him to twist his upper body so you could tend to him easier.

He obliged but grasped your hip to anchor himself, he definitely didn’t need it. Any excuse to have his hands on you. He didn’t wince or seethe when the icy cold water slid down his back or when you applied more pressure to scrape off the drying remnants of his blood. The cool water helped to sooth the angry red scratches and you managed to clear away all of the remaining blood that was there, you reached down and pressed a feather light kiss against the biggest abrasion. He let you go when you shuffled back to the sink to clean the now red dyed cloth, washing your hands from their red staining along with it.

You felt his warmth spread over your back as he moved to cradle his body into your own as you dried your hands. He leant his chin against the plane of your shoulder and inhaled your scent. Sweat, sex and a hint of his sandlewood shampooo.

He liked it on you. He’d get you some of your own stuff soon enough, when he had time that wasn’t consumed by finding Darth Traya. Even if just for the night the two of you had been too consumed in each other to care about your worries he knew he couldn’t neglect this particular matter.

You whined when his lips moved to kiss your neck. Trailing up to your jaw and back down again as he left wet kissed against your skin.

Your twisted his grasp to face him, finding his lips in no time. You loved him like this. He was at ease. Even if it wasn’t for long you relished in his calm state and hoped he would let his tense muscles relax that this more often, he was always too on edge for you liking.

“Let’s go back to bed?”

You questioned then gasped as he gave your jugular a soft nip.

You felt him smirk against your throat.

“I though you’d never ask.”

...

“You’re both late.”

The ginger’s face was starting to resemble his fiery red hair as he grew more irate by the second.

Kylo’s unmasked smirk wasn’t helping his case and you were sure the purple splotched bruises that peeked out over your blouse collar also didn’t serve your excuses for being late very well. Not that Kylo cared, he was in charge here after all.

“If you haven’t noticed General I don’t care. Having no agenda for this particular meeting hasn’t served you well to grasp my attention. You’re lucky we showed up at all.”

Kylo using “we” as if you were an item send a shiver up your spine and your mind was swimming.

Were you together?

Hux huffed a sign and tried to ignore his supreme leader. Turning his eyes to face you directly as you say in front of his desk with Kylo stood still behind you.

The rose flush returned to your cheeks as you met his sea foam green eyes. They looked as hard and stern as ever.

“I’m here to discuss her as a matter of fact. Her little incident a few weeks ago is still yet to be discussed.”

You bit back your lip into a sneer. This prick was looking directly into you soul and yet he spoke like you weren’t there. He was practically dropping his trousers for you yesterday, sour cunt.

“Which incident exactly general? The one where I almost took your head off with my saber? Or the one where you tried to take advantage of me?”

Your voice was cold and hard. It felt loud as it left your chest but you didn’t care.

He winced at your tone and his face contorted into a look of pure disgust, he was wondering who gave you the audacity to speak to him that way.

He met your tone and didn’t falter when he spoke.

“I was rather talking about the incident in which you attempted to take your own life commander. Your wavering commitment to the first order is clear and I will not be blinded to it unlike the supreme leader.”

You heard the leather covering Kylo’s hands stretch as he fisted his hands by his sides. Fighting the growing urge to snap the ginger’s neck in two.

You smirked and stood. Slamming your hands to the desk Hux stood behind. Your eyes didn’t leave his.

“Perhaps you should back track and think deeper about what caused my actions. Without any doubt your unspeakable actions proved as a tipping point in my so called wavering commitment. Generals that touch people inappropriately within their permission doesn’t exactly settle well. In fact just looking at your face now makes my stomach churn, you’re very lucky to have your head still sat on your shoulders. Next time I hold my saber to your neck I will not hesitate to rip it through you.”

You seethed at him. Craning your neck to meet his hard eyes head on. You weren’t lying. Yesterday you were in control and you knew you could have stopped him with little effort. The memory of his touch still lingered at the very back of your mind and you willed it away everyday. Next time you were given any plausible reason to end him you would not hesitate.

“How dare you. I am you’re-“

“That’s quite enough General.”

You both met Kylo’s eyes. You turned to face him and looked at him. His body was stiff and you could feel the rage falling off him in vast waves. It wasn’t taking everyone of his fibres to stop him in his tracks.

“Commander I believe we have private matters to discuss with our Knights away from the general.”

His voice softened as he spoke directly to you. You nodded and took as step towards him.

“You’re condoning this behaviour Ren? I don’t wish to know the graphic details of your relationship with this leach but I will not be spoken to in such a manor.”

You saw red and moved to lunge yourself over the desk at him. Firm fingers grasped around your arm to keep you rooted to the spot, you snarled and turned to Kylo. Pushing your voice into his mind telling him to let you go. His eyes didn’t change from their darkened hard demeanour as he nodded to the door behind the both of you.

Wait outside. His voice rang loud and clear in your head.

You grumbled but followed his order. Growling profanities and curses towards Hux.

Before you’d even moved to shut the door completely you heard a number of loud thuds. A groan and curse here and there as someone struggled.

It definitely wouldn’t have been Kylo.

You didn’t move to turn around despite your growing curiosity but the muffled shouts and cursed filtered through the heavy steel door.

Within a few minutes Kylo emerged. Completely unscathed. Not even a single hair was out of place. You didn’t bother asking what happened and simply followed behind him like a lost puppy as he moved down one of the long steel corridors.

He slowed down for you to catch up and moved his large to the small of your back as he ushered you down another corridor, one you haven’t been down before.

It was dimly lit and it was sparse of any doors apart from one that sat directly at the end of it. Lit brimmed beneath the crack under the door and it was bustling with life behind it. Shouts, grunts, cheers, crashes. It sounded like mayhem.

Kylo flicked his wrist with his free hand and the door shot open. The light behind it was fucking bright and you had to strain your eyes to see clearly inside it.

It was the knights. Your knights. The ones you and kylo shared equally.

The presence of their commander and supreme leader had them scrambling over one another.

They’d be strewn across the room indulged in various activities, they were all without their helmets and had less of their dark armour strapped to their muscled bodies. It was harder to know who was who know you could see their faces. Some of them truly are handsome to look at.

Two of them were situated at a low metal table arm wresting with one another, one was slumped against the wall looking drunker then a sailor, another two were sat on the floor with their legs stretched out around them as they sharpened and polished their weapons and the last one was sat in a chair drinking what looked to be a cup a sweetened tea.

The same ones you enjoyed.

The sight of them all relaxed sent a pang of something strange to your heart. You had to stifle a laugh when they all shot to attention and moved to clamber to your feet, kneeling in a uniform line.

They all spoke in unison and their sounded more humanistic without the unnecessary moderators of their helmets.

“Master and Lady Ren!”

You giggled and couldn’t help but blush when all six pairs of eyes settled on your face. A mixture of green, blue and hazel attacked your vision and you couldn’t fix yourself on just one pair. You gulped and looked at kylo as if willing him to speak.

“Get up you idiots it’s only us here. No need to keep up appearances.”

Kylo strode into the room and moved past them. Moving towards the back of the room where a large metal table sat against the wall, around ten chairs in total and the same sleek black metal style material as used everywhere else on the ship.

You moved to join him and he pulled out a chair for you, you didn’t hesitate sitting down and getting comfy. You felt invincible when Kylo was around. You knew the knights wouldn’t try anything but it still gave your chest a warm fuzzy feeling when you thought about how you were in charge of these 6 incredibly built knights. Kylo sat down and his knights moved to do the same, one bought his discarded cup of tea with him to rest on the table he sat at, idly sipping as Kylo began to speak.

“Despite my best efforts I’ve realised I can’t keep our operation from our commander any longer. I haven’t filled her in on the details yet but I came here to let you know she will be joining us on the next mission to Hoth. I need not remind you the consequences if she is not kept safe at all times, I have said before that she is irreplaceable and that statement still stands. I will lay down my own life to keep her safe if necessary and I wish you to do the same.”

“Yes master.”

Their uniform voices stung your ears as their chant echoed off the walls.

You interjected.

“Might I ask why we’re going to Hoth?”

Kylo was silent for a moment before he answered you. Trying to find the best words to explain the situation.

“I’m trying to make sense of your visions. Hoth seems like the best place to start. We depart tomorrow.”


	18. Long Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You bruised me!” 
> 
> He smirked. 
> 
> “You wear the Supreme leader’s bruises so well Lady Ren. What’s a few more?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluffy fluff 🥰

“She’s really out for the count huh?”

Vicrul fell into step beside his master. Kylo was carrying you bridal style back to your shared quarters, your head was limp against the juncture of his shoulder and your hands laid idly against your tummy as your body swayed with the motion of his brisk walk.

“I leave that down to your insistent pestering throughout the day. She might be a tough little thing but that doesn’t mean I want her rough housing with you Vicrul.”

His most loyal knight was a handsome individual. Deep emerald eyes and a pearly smile to go with them, he had a wide chiseled jaw that was littered with the beginnings of a beard. His body was much like Kylo’s, big broad hulking frame with defined hard muscles that were held taught with sand-golden skin. He had unruly ashen blonde hair that was windswept and brushed up and back, he was constantly pushing it out of his eye sight. He wore the underclothes of his armour and left his helmet off, he could be at ease when he was with Kylo and the other knights. They all could.

“She put up a good fight that’s for sure. Still don’t understand where or how you found her, certainly not an easy being to come by.”

He was right. Kylo knew this. He thanked his lucky stars everyday that he had sensed you and you had sensed him in return. The bond you shared was undeniable and there was no way he could have brushed it away and ignored it, your body and mind called to him and your voice was so loud compared to any others that had come before it. Instead of vexing little whispers and mutterings your voice rang loud and clear in his skull. The silk and mischief of your voice entranced him from the first note of it, he had to find you and that he did.

He didn’t regret it. He knew he wouldn’t. There was a reason you called out to him, wether you knew or not didn’t matter. You were together.

That satisfied his need for you.

“That is something I’m yet to understand myself.”

Out of his peripherals Kylo could see the beginnings of a smirk creeping up his knights lips.

“You’re really smitten aren’t you?”

The teasing tone of Vicrul’s voice should have rubbed Kylo up the complete wrong way but yet he found it didn’t. Was he that transparent? Of course he didn’t mind that people caught onto the fact you were his and his alone but he still didn’t understand how people had caught onto his emotions so quickly. He feared he’d let his guards down too much. Instead of just laying down the wired fencing of his mind for you he’d done it seemingly for all the individuals that had the ability to read his thoughts. He’d scold them if he found they were snooping.

“Mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?”

They continued walking and following the narrow corridors as they neared closer and closer to his quarters.

“The way you look at her. I’ve never seen you look at anyone that way, not even..”

Vicrul trailed off and cleared his throat.

“The last time I saw you look at someone like that was a long time ago. The fact you would lay your life out for her tells me a lot, not just anyone can win over the dead black calcified heart of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Your entire being relaxes when ever she’s around and your mind is calm, I feel it. We all feel it. It doesn’t make you weak but it makes that little bit stronger. She makes you whole.”

Kylo stopped dead in his tracks. You stirred ever so slightly but he rubbed his fingers against your waist to send you back to sleep. You didn’t stir.

He turned to look his knight dead in the eye and when he did Vicrul didn’t look away, he held his masters firm stare, he was being truthful. They didn’t see his emotions as a weakness, they believed it gave him a sense of remorse for those around him. They were killers but they protected their own, he could still be the most feared man in the galaxy and hold something dear to him too.

He didn’t need to act so cold to everyone in his life.

Kylo sighed and wet his lips.

“I’ve never felt a connection like this before. It scares me. The unpredictability of it keeps me awake when I should be sleeping, it gnaws at my mind day and night and I can’t settle it. Yet when I look at her, my worries melt away. I can think clearly. I can see clearly. I sleep soundly just having her close. I can’t explain it and a small part of me doesn’t wish to understand it. I’m simply content with what I have.”

They began to walk again as they found themselves in a comfortable silence.

Kylo let his eyes steel a glance at your sleeping face. Your frame was so small in his big brute arms, your fit to his chest like you were cut from the same cloth. Fitting like two pieces of the same fucked up puzzle.

“I understand. It is many years since I have felt what you’re feeling but I can tell you nothing compares to the pain of losing the ones you love. The ones you truly love. I have sworn my life to protecting hers and that will not change, I just ask for you not to fuck this up. Seek to understand her rather then challenge her, you need her as much as she needs you and don’t forget that.”

Kylo stifled a breathy laugh as his knight spoke. Despite being his master they had always been on the same page, they’d always call each other out if the situation needed it.

“And the bruises on her neck don’t exactly scream “we’re just business partners” either master.”

Vicrul’s goofy grin could have blinded an entire army.

“Watch it.”

...

You felt it again.

The ice. The pain. You saw Kylo’s eyes. Dead and lifeless as he killed you. Blood spilled. You screamed but you couldn’t hear it. Then he left you again. He turned and never looked back. More blood.

Then black.

The images of your nightmare played over and over again on repeat until a voice broke against the drums of your ears.

“Little one it’s okay. I’m here, shhhh.”

Your body felt overly warm as you awoke. A think layer of tacky sweat covered your brow and slithered down your exposed neck. Your back was flush to his chest as he cradled you, his thick naked chest felt like a furnace against your skin and you were burning up. It felt like you couldn’t breath and you struggled to find an even rhythm to inhale to.

He cooed and shushed you as your body completely woke up. Your arms and legs felt like thick lead and your head was pounding with a skull crushing headache.

“Kylo I-I it was-“

“I know. It’s okay.”

He let his fingers skim through the still damp tresses of your hair from your shared bath earlier. You’d woken up when he bought you back to his quarters and you insisted to be clean before he let you fall asleep again.

“I can’t keep doing this. It’s horrible. It all feels so real. As if it’s warning me of what’s to come.”

His chin found your shoulder as he huffed a large breath through his prominent nose.

“You know I would never let any of it happen. I would never do anything to put you in harms way, not before myself.”

You wanted to cry. Scream and let all your emotions fly away into the swirling dark obis of space before you. Alas it wouldn’t help.

Your blood was fired with determination for your mission to Hoth. You needed to find the solution to this problem and fast.

“I know Kylo it’s just...I don’t hear her voice anymore. It’s just you. It’s all you.”

You didn’t let a tear fall as you spoke. You needed to be stronger, not just for yourself but for your knights. For Kylo.

He turned his head to kiss your cheek. Still letting the silky strands of your hair fall through his beefy fingers. He kept you close like this for a while.

A comfortable silence encasing the two of you it’s it’s blanket of solitude, he wanted to stay like this forever. Simply existing with you.

He lulled you back to sleep and he laid his head back down too. Cradling your small frame to his chest and letting his face get lost in your hair, he wanted to commit your scent to memory.

It took him awhile to get back to sleep. An overwhelming worry clawed at the flesh of his mind and he couldn’t settle it. It broke him to know you were struggling and he couldn’t help it.

His use of the force wouldn’t do much to take away the pain and nightmares plaguing you. He feared interfering would only cause them to grow more violent.

Just a few more hours and you would be on Hoth. He could find out what was causing all of this, he could put an end to it. And he would. Or he’d die trying.

...

Kylo’s eyes shot wide awake when he heard a violent whine. His feet hit the floor quicker then they ever had in his entire life, you weren’t in the bed and he couldn’t see you. Even in the light from the stars outside the window he couldn’t make out your figure in the main room of his chamber.

Another choke caught his attention and he followed the sounds to the grubby light drifting through the air and under the crack of his refresher door.

He pushed the door ajar and instantly it was slammed back in his face. He tried to open it again but it was locked.

More chocked muffles and soft cries found his ears.

“Verena?”

Silence.

“Let me in.”

Choking. Coughing. Sloshing.

“I’m okay. Go back to bed- ugh - please.”

Kylo furrowed his inky brows and tried the door once more.

“Let me in little one before I break the door down. You know I will.”

You grumbled but complied.

He gripped the door handle again and this time it opened. When he saw you hunched over the bowl of the toilet he realised you’d used the force to slam the door in his face and lock it. He didn’t know wether to feel proud of your improvements or worried when another wave of vomit and nausea washed through you and into the bowl.

He didn’t hesitate when he crouched beside you and took your hair in his hands. You tried to bat him away but he didn’t budge, even when you pressed a clammy palm to his pecs to push him away he didn’t move an inch.

“I’m gross go away.”

You hiccuped and willed yourself not to vomit again. At his point the contents of your stomach was well and truly empty so you were simply dry heaving the remainder of your burning stomach acid.

He took the entirety of your hair into one hand and rubbed your back with the other. Smoothing his huge palm in calming circles as you hiccuped and heaved. Concern was etched into the handsome features of his face.

You didn’t meet his eye. You didn’t want to imagine how gross and disheveled you looked in front of him. Snotty sore nose and raw lips. Tear stained cheeks that were tinted a putrid shade of pale green.

You would look disgusting.

It felt like the two of you sat there for hours. He didn’t even move a muscle when you threw up again, he continued to rub your back and soothe you with muttered words and apologies. He felt bad.

After some time you knew you were done. The boiling emptiness of your stomach was painful and you just wanted some water to soothe your screaming organs.

He helped you stand and your legs wobbled as you did, still not meeting his eyes and you leant for the sink. Letting the cold torrents run over your palms you splashed your face, rubbing it and trying to rid it of any gross liquids or messes.

He still stood beside you and kept one hand on your back, keeping you rooted upright like a weakened tree stump.

You rinsed out your mouth and thanked Kylo as he handed you your toothbrush with a glob of minty paste already perched atop the thick bristles.

After brushing your teeth he aided you back to his bed, he moved you to sit on the edge of the bed and crouched in front of you.

His thumb skimmed over the apple of your cheek and you leant into his touch. Humming while you did.

“Are you okay?”

You met his eyes and his dark pupils swirled with pain and concern. You forgot you mirrored each other too often.

“I think I’m just nervous.”

You let your eyes drop to the floor beneath you feet dangling from the bed. His fingers shifted to lift your chin, his thumb traced the edge of your jaw.

“Don’t ever shut yourself away from me. Understood?”

You nodded meekly at his stern tone.

You launched yourself into his chest. Wrapping your arms tightly around his neck in a crushing embrace, your hair got trapped between his cheek and your own. His inky locks tickled at your nose and you let his natural scent drift into your senses.

He stilled for a second before wrapping his arms around you. Inhaling deeply as he let his nose bury into your hair.

“Thank you Kylo...for being here with me.”

He knew her words held more meaning to them then she let show. She didn’t just mean in the physical sense of being up late with her while she was sick, she meant existing with her. She was grateful she wasn’t alone in this vast galaxy of possibilities, she was grateful that she was lucky enough to coexist together. She didn’t have to be alone anymore.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else little one.”

...

“Asshole!”

“Hey woah there! Calm down little lady.”

Vicrul held your wrist firmlyas you moved to attack him, you easily broke free of his grasp and punched him square in the ribs. He feigned pain and keeled over at the waist with a huff, you felt accomplished.

“That’s for tackling me yesterday.”

You moved up the ramp of the shuttle that Kylo was already on, he’d left Vicrul in charge of keeping watch over you. Big mistake.

“You’re just pissed you fell asleep so early.”

He grumbled while he watched you walk away.

You turned and stared daggers into him.

“You bruised me!”

He smirked.

“You wear the Supreme leader’s bruises so well Lady Ren. What’s a few more?”

You flicked your wrist and swept it left. Vicrul fell straight on his ass as you pulled his feet from under him, with his sheer hulking mass the sound echoed through the entire hangar.

You didn’t let him respond before you turned, letting your long cape twirl for extra dramatic effect.

You were well into the shuttle searching for Kylo when Vicrul rose back to his towering height. Laughing as he brushed down his armour, he still wasn’t wearing his helmet. As long as no other first order personnel saw him then Kylo didn’t care.

He shook his head and moved up the shuttle after you. He joined his fellow knights in the common room area of the ship, they were poking and prodding at each other like always. Constantly seeking a playful roughhouse or any excuse tussle.

You let your feet carry you in the direction of Kylo. He no doubt would be piloting, you reached the cockpit and the familiar mop of inky chocolate tresses came into view. You slid into the room and stood beside him as he saw in the chair, he was flicking random controls and buttons you didn’t understand. Flying had been your brother’s forte.

With a few last clicks of switches and blue screen lit up the space before you. He’d set an autopilot course for a trading hangar on Hoth, he didn’t wait for the air clearance before he punched in a code. The engines roared to life and lights and monitors switched to illuminate too.

The shuttle began to hover from the ground and your hands clutched the back of Kylo’s chair as you stumbled from the turbulence.

His arm shot out and encircled your hips with ease, your back crashed into his chest and he grunted as he perched your ass on one of his tree trunk thighs.

Once the shuttle was up in the air and clear of the Star Killer hangar you moved to return to standing but Kylo held you tighter against him. It looked like you’d be here a while.

You huffed and sank back into his chest. You glanced at him from your peripherals and couldn’t help but admire his features. Despite being a ruthless killer he was magnificent to look at, the sloping angles of his face caught the dim light feverishly and the plumpness of his lips looked irresistible. You could see the golden-yellow speckles in his hazel hues from how close you were looking at him, each individual mole on his neck and face was so close too.

“It’s starting to sound like you don’t even try to hide your thoughts anymore.”

His thick honey voice broke you from your mindless gazing and you huffed and golden your arms over your chest.

“They’re not that loud.”

He didn’t have anything to say and just chuckled darkly. Tightening his grip around your abdomen and letting his fingers dig into your flesh slightly.

The journey to Hoth wouldn’t be very long. Part of you imagined you weren’t going back to your home planet, it was just you and Kylo against the galaxy. No real destination or objectives. Simply escaping from the rusty chains that binded you to your dark lineage.

You could escape it all.

You let your eyes wander to Kylo’s to check if he was listening to your thoughts. He didn’t seem bothered and you figured you had managed to keep the quiet.

Unbeknownst to you he wished for exactly the same.

Something he could never voice to you aloud.


	19. We’re Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are not one of them Verena and you never have been! Your heart has never been in it just like mine hasn’t!”
> 
> More tears. 
> 
> “You don’t own a heart Kylo! A dark forbidden pit sits in it’s place and it is cursed to plague you for as long as you wear that mask!”

The blistering cold wind settled into your bones and bit harshly at the exposed skin of your cheeks. Gifting them a rosy glow. Discarded shards of snow flakes drifted onto your eyelashes and stung at your vision as you continued to trudge forward into the unending blanket of white.

You wrapped your cloak around you till there was no possible space for the brisk breeze to tear through it and attach itself to you, your teeth chattered and your fingers felt like they were turning blue.

You didn’t remember your home planet being this harsh.

It had been years since you had set foot on the ice encased planet but even as a child it never seemed to be so utterly inhabitable. The cold days were few and far between but you always managed to stay warm with tauntaun furs and thick woolly blankets. Your mind drifted to the distant memories of you and your brother, simply unable to fathom a sense of danger. Despite being gifted with an unfortunate set of circumstances the two of you still managed to scrape by and at least eat most days. Henri never let his misfortunes weigh him down, he’d use his sleeves to dry your tears and hug you close when you were at your lowest. Being encased in your brothers arms was a feeling you didn’t realise you were so sore to feel again. I hope you’re safe Henri...

Kylo was up ahead. His knights and yourself followed him as he navigated through the tough terrain, choosing his footfalls carefully and keeping his obsidian eyes peeled for any oncoming threat.

It was hard to speak or communicate directly due to the howling wings and onslaught of snow but he reminded you he was there every so often. The familiar warmth fogging your mind as he spoke softly to you, like whispering in your ear.

Almost there.

You willed for the chattering annoyance of your tusks to eliminate itself as you neared closer and closer to Kylo’s side. He wasn’t wearing his mask and he wore extra layers beneath his thick black cloak, despite already being cold blooded it seemed he wasn’t immune to the harsh permanent winter of Hoth.

Even as you trudged through snow that was almost reaching your knees the sound of the knights uniform footfalls was still as loud as ever. Like a symphony that rang before death itself, that sound alone could leave anyone hollow at the bones of their existence. You knew that the sound of their boots had been the last cursed sound unfortunate souls had heard ringing in their ears. You let your chin tip back over your shoulder slightly and their tall hulking bodies only stood out more vividly against the bright white backdrop they walked before.

Vicrul flashed you his middle finger and you gave him your own rude gesture back.

The longer you walked the more you could feel a deep ball of nausea grow in the very pits of your stomach. A thick burning liquid akin to bile was rising and clawing at your throat, your senses were telling you to run. Leave before it was too late. Despite not knowing the immanent danger you were set to be in you still felt the ever growing pull back towards the ship. You knew this planet like the back of your hand and yet it had never felt so foreign. The snow beneath your boots didn’t hold the same softness as it used to and the distant echoing calls of Wampas didn’t leave your supple skin littered in goosebumps as they had done as a child.

This wasn’t the same place you grew up.

It was hard to look at the snow and not see it littered and stained red. You had to blink away the image of your cold, greying lifeless body in the pillows of it’s white entrapment. Tears welled in your eyes and it was becoming harder and harder to swallow the thickened lump in your throat.

You hadn’t been paying attention when your forehead hit something large and hard. You rubbed the sore spot with your blue fingers and looked up.

Kylo was looking at you from over his shoulder and he nodded his head at you. Silently asking if you were okay.

You nodded meekly and willed your mind not to shout too loud when you queried how he hadn’t heard you already. The visions and nightmares of him striking you deep in the chest with his saber were still so vivid on the breech of your mind and yet he didn’t sense it. Or he chose to ignore them for now.

“We’re here.”

The knights came to flank your sides and as you turned to look at them you saw their eye lines where all flashing in the same direction. You let your eyes follow too and you stifled a gasp.

Your mindless daydreaming had hindered you from seeing the bigger picture. All of you were stood mere feet away from the giant glacier in your visions, it was real. All this time.

Despite all of the self doubt and depreciation you had been right. You didn’t know if that made you any more or less insane.

Your shoulder brushed Kylo’s arm as you walked past him. He didn’t move to stop you as you continued to walk away from him and his knights.

Your eyes were transfixed on it’s grand icey structure. It was a mighty beast of an element and you couldn’t help but feel drawn to it.

The force was seeping out of it’s cracks like thickened smoke. It was calling you closer and closer and you listened.

Your feet carried you right to the heart of it.

The knights moved to follow you but Kylo outstretched his arm to his side. Not allowing them to pass. He felt the throbbing pulse of the familiar force too. For now, it’s intentions weren’t set to harm you. While ever you could interact with it undisturbed he would let you, the minute he felt a negative shift he would be there to protect you.

Your pale fingers skimmed at the fabric of the ice, it grated beneath your fingernails and sent a shiver wracking up your spine. You hummed as you felt a familiar warmth encase you.

A strong warm hand cupped your cheek. His thumb brushed over the rosy cold bitten flesh of your cheek and you instinctively leant into hishold. He felt so familiar but yet it felt like you were worlds apart, you could see faint remnants of his handsome face and the way his genuine slightly off smile caught the basking sun as he stood in the lush rainforest he now called home, his tall slender stature dwarfed you as you looked up at him. Your cheeks were still held in his hands as you began to cry, salty tears pooling over his fingers as he pressed a feather light kiss to your forehead. His eyes were so blue and pure and it made your lungs ache with longing. It was Henri...

You reached your hands up to cup his fingers that still settled on your cheeks. You were sobbing strangled cries at this point. Feelings of pain and guilt struck deep into your chest as you felt the warmth of his hands die away. Your eyes snapped open and before your very irises you could see his pink tinted cheeks glow a grey hue, his smile disappeared and his eyes wept with pain and regret. You didn’t understand until you felt an oozing warm stickiness grow tacky against your hands as you held his.

Blood.

You wanted to scream but no noise surfaced.

Your eyes scanned his entire body and you strangled a cry as you found the source of his injury. A blaster wound between the juncture of his shoulder and chest, dangerous close to where his precious life organ was growing slower and slower in it’s rhythm. You tried to hug him close but he fell to his knees, gargling on blood and saliva as he tried to speak to you. He couldn’t stop choking on his words and it made you cry harder, his blood soaked your hands as you cradled his face to try and keep him awake. Trying to keep him here with you. You tried to scream his name but it felt dead on your lips, no sound escaping your drying lungs.

He reached up with a shaky hand and let his bloody fingers caress the side of your face, you felt a surge of bright white pain as he poured images into your head.

He was running. Fast. He was in pain but he wasn’t stopping. It was raining and it was dark. You recognised this night. He jumped bushes of lush plants and vegetation but not without scratching his knees and exposed arms. His lungs burned and his eyes were stinging with the onslaught of rain and salty tears. He came to the clearing and every drop of blood pumping viscously around his body stopped dead in it’s tracks. He found you. Slumped lifeless in the arms of the most dangerous man in the galaxy. Kylo Ren. Your sparkling white hair caught the setting moonlight as moved with purpose up the ramp of his shuttle. One single shot. Henri shot blindly towards the hulking black mass before him. The troopers spun towards him and aimed their cocked weapons at him but he didn’t back down. His ears were numb to the sound of his own words as he spat at Kylo, with one flick of the Jedi killer’s wrist he was shot. A burning pain that was almost too painful to feel, the air escaped in his lungs as his spine hit the floor harshly. He didn’t make a noise or a sound, his world was spinning and growing too dark too quickly.

He barely heard the sound of the command shuttle blaring and roaring to life as it retreated. He didn’t hear the sound of his comrades as their heavy boots hit the floor as they jumped for their travel crafts to tend to him. He couldn’t see the pained look deep within his dearest friend Poe’s eyes as he watched his silver haired comrade bleed out. He was well out of consciousness when they moved him, rain still beating on their backs and their hands stained red as they tried to figure out what events had occurred on this dark night.

Verena felt it all.

Then you felt leather digits press a soft kiss to the flesh of your shoulder. You could have snapped your neck with how fast you turned to face Kylo, face scrunched up in raging anger as your teeth were bared and bit back into a snarl. Your eyes were glowing blind with a film of glowing blue light. The overwhelming stretch of the force was plaguing your veins and you used it to your advantage as you snapped your wrist in front of Kylo. His enormous towering frame was flung back into the ice structure and his head hit it with an undeniable force. Even the knights heard the crack of his skull as he was thrown backwards.

He groaned and sat up. Eyes blown wide with confusion and pain as he looked upon you.

Your chest was heaving erratically and the glow of your eyes didn’t grow in dullness. If anything it only grew stronger.

“You killed him!”

It took Kylo’s brain a second to register your words, leather gloved hand palming the warm ooze at the back of his head. He bought it back before his eyes.

Blood.

He met your eyes and a dark anger grew in the pit of his stomach.

You only grew angrier when he didn’t respond.

“You killed my brother! I’ll fucking kill you!”

Thick blue veins grew beneath the pale skin of your throat and traveled over your jawline and up your cheeks. The knight’s hands clung to their weapons and moved to protect their master but Kylo levelled out his hand before him and stopped them before they could even move.

Do not hurt her.

They didn’t need telling out loud. They rested their weapons down and stood firm. Obeying their leader.

Kylo tried to move to a crouch but you were already upon him. Ripping your lightsaber from under your cloak you ignited it, scorching violet hues broke out and cast a harsh glow over the fallen snow.

You swung the hilt above your head as you stood over him, moving to slash the blade downward.

It stopped short when it collided with the crackling hum of deep crimson, Kylo’s saber hilt was held horizontally to block your oncoming attack. With a deep grunt he pushed you off of him, he towered to his full height as you stood before him.

Gleaming cerulean blue eyes filled with hatred and disgust towards the man you dared to say you were growing to love. He’d tarnished your existence and groomed you into being with him, he’d killed your brother and he would kill you too. Your overflowing emotions were beginning to leave your body numb and humming with a buzzing dullness.

Your teeth were bitten back across your clenched teeth and you didn’t hesitate to lunge at him a second time. You propelled yourself forward but he moved out of the way as he dodged your body, your boots slid across the snow and revealed the deep black soil beneath. The planets dead surface was revealed to the light for the first time in years but the cold suns wouldn’t help to revive it.

You knew the feeling.

“Why did you do it?”

You screamed. Attacking him again.

Your strokes were quick and agile as you moved to swirl your body and swivel to attack his blind spots. He didn’t move to try and strike you but instead kept you at arms length, blocking your onslaught of deep jabs and slashes. He wasn’t quick enough when the tip of your saber slit the skin on his outer bicep even through the thick layers of his clothes. His sleeve charred and burnt and the smell of congealed blood seeped into your senses, a pang of guilt threatened to halt you in your tracks but then you remembered Henri’s face. 

Blood for blood.

He jumped back and pressed his leather palm into his new wound, as if surprised you had actually drawn injury to him. He almost didn’t block your next strike as he held his saber sideways, halting your blade as you tried to slash him downwards again.

The force of his shove this time sent you reeling backwards, you landed flat on your back but chose to propel yourself further, inevitably doing a backwards roll as you tore the cloak from your body as it hindered your vision.

“I didn’t kill him. The troopers did.”

How dare you. You thought.

You stood still in a slight crouch as you spun your saber between your fingers, letting it catch the air behind your back and infront of your torso as you did.

“You gave the order. I saw it. I’ve seen everything.”

His eyes hardened as you spoke. He was growing angrier by the second but held himself back, he knew this wasn’t entirely you.

“He was with the resistance. He shot his blaster and it almost hit you.”

“I was with the resistance! You are still yet to kill me! He was aiming for you!”

Hot tears spilled over your cheeks and your voice burnt in your throat from the octave of your larynx.

“You are not one of them Verena and you never have been! Your heart has never been in it just like mine hasn’t!”

More tears.

“You don’t own a heart Kylo! A dark forbidden pit sits in it’s place and it is cursed to plague you for as long as you wear that mask!”

Tears brimmed behind his obsidian-hazel eyes. He was losing you and he didn’t know what to say beyond the simmering rage of his anguish.

“Do not pretend you know me! I’ve seen and done things that will haunt me to the day I die and I have to live with the fact I can never right my wrongs!”

“Yes you can!” You sobbed.

Your knees were trembling and you held your hilt tight in your hand. Your knuckles turned white at the force you were holding it with.

He didn’t say anything.

His saber grew limp in his leather clad fingers and it extinguished as the hilt of it collided with the snow.

Your eyes followed his weapon and trailed back up to his hues, they were torn at the seams. They were wet with emotion and they brimmed with unforgiving pain.

You wanted to feel sorry for him but you couldn’t. Despite the growing urge to lay down your lightsaber and take him in your arms you wouldn’t let it happen. Henri was dead because of Kylo.

He died trying to save you and this whole time you’d been living in an unreal fantasy. Your entire world had crumbled to a speckle of sand on Jakku and you were oblivious to it. Kylo hadn’t been honest from the start and the very thought made your stomach gurgle with an unfamiliar nausea.

His down cast eyes shot up at the sound of your extinguishing saber. You were looking dead at him yet he found he couldn’t meet your blown wide blue eyes head on. They were losing their glow and the throbbing blue veins that littered your face and throat had dulled in colour, that was something he had never seen or heard of before.

You twisted your head to look at your shared knights. They were unmoving and still as statues. Between having Kylo backed up against the glacier and the knights staying rooted to the spot you saw a window of opportunity that was laying before you, a clear escape between the group of muscled men behind you and the towering frame infront of you.

You struck when Kylo stepped toward you and shot out your arm, sending him hurtling again before twisting your torso and trying to do the same to the knights. Your force was still weak but you were able to send them off balance and to the ground.

You knew Kylo could easily disarm you himself so you ran, as fast as your jellied legs would carry you. It was tricky in the thick snow but you didn’t stop, you felt a tug in the force and turned your head to see Kylo now stood and approaching you at incredible speed.

You increased your speed so drastically it felt like your lungs would collapse and decay, with a grunt you surged forward and let your knees skid across the ice snow ground. Twisting your body as you did so that you were now facing the direction of Kylo, you looked for anything that would help,your entire body burnt as you used every last ounce of energy you had left to pull at the icey towering glacier surrounding you. It groaned under the strain and the veins popped out of your forehead asyou screamed and cried. The pain was unbearable as the glacier crackled overhead, Kylo wasn’t fast enough when the crumbling structure of ice began to fall and crash into his path.

You didn’t wait for him to move it or even let your mind wonder if he could. Your limbs felt like lead and your brain was numb with the worst migraine you had ever felt in your life. You didn’t know where you were letting your tired legs carry you but it was far away from here, for away from the glacier, from the knights. From Kylo.

He watched the blurry silhouette of your body retreat through the cloudy ice blurring his vision, blood was seeping from the back of his head and sending him dizzy. His body wracked in anger and pain as he watched you become nothing more then a spec on the horizon, his knights moved to crowd behind him. Silently seeking for an order.

He’d lost you.

...

His wound was healing nicely and he’d been out of the medical wing for a for the last week now, it still twinged and pinched when he moved in an odd way but he wanted nothing more then to return to his work.

Anything to keep his plagued mind away from thoughts of his sister, he didn’t dare imagine what state she was in or if she was even still alive.

The resistance base hadn’t been the same without her. Despite her reputation she was a valuable asset to any team she was assigned with, they needed her and she was gone.

Taken away to serve or be killed by the first order.

Henri let his tall slender legs carry him down the brightly lit corridor as he made his way to the docking bay, the base was filled to spilling point with natural light and windows littering at least every other panel. Not a sight of darkness around here.

A loud crash rang in his ears as a small commotion caught his attention, up ahead of his people were crowding and fussing and he quickly jogged to let a hand of needed.

As he grew closer he recognised the plump, short, greying haired woman that was strewn unconscious across the floor.

Leia...

He sped up and came to her immediate aid. He bellowed questions at the people surrounding him and their answers didn’t satisfy him.

He slung one of her arms around his wide shoulders and pulled her to swaying legs, she could barely hold herself up and she drifted in and out of awareness.

He moved quickly and effectively and ignored the searing pain in his injured shoulder as he cast her weight off it, he came to the first door her saw and silently cheered as he realised it was an old dormitory pod. He punched in a curt code on a dial panel and growled when the door wouldn’t open quick enough. He pulled her in and set her gently on the nearest bed, checking her for any lumps, bumps or bruises that he could see.

His brows were knit with concern but he was pulled from his fretting when she spoke.

“The force within my son is shifting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More confusing garbage 🤠


	20. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you ever feel anything for me?"
> 
> She whispered.
> 
> More tears swelled in her eyes and she still couldn't bring herself to look at him, she didn't even know if she wanted to hear his response. 
> 
> "Or was I just a tiny piece in your elaborate plan?"
> 
> She asked with a dull tone. Voice cracking ever so slightly. 
> 
> "It was never meant to go this way." 
> 
> He grumbled.

"Too much fucking snow on this fucking planet, I'll damn it all to Exegol and back."

Verena grumbled and cursed under her unsteady breath.

She didn't know how long she'd been walking, the lack of sun and frame of real time was taking it's hefty toll. She didn't know which way was up and which way was down, she couldn't make a clear sense of direction as the sleeting snow beat down against her face and frail body. She was walking blindly into the obis of ice and snow, she had no clear direction but she didn't care.

She needed to put as much space as she could between her and Kylo, she had to keep away.

She yelped as she stumbled face first into the knee deep snow, ice cold nose now even colder as stray flecks of shaved ice stuck to her features. Her hands were turning blue and her body wracked with intense shivers down to her very bones, she wasn't dressed to be out on the planet's surface for long.

She knew first hand she wouldn't survive like this.

"Fuck my life."

She growled as her knees stabbed into the soft ice cold pillows of snow as she moved to stand back up.

She continued through the unforgiving climate, teeth chattering and eyes watering with tears and cold snow.

She would die out here.

....

The command shuttle was in ruins.

Melting steel dripped from the walls and control panels were split into different pieces, windows were cracked and anything and everything that wasn't fixed down was strewn and cascaded around the shuttle's metal floor.

The knights stayed away. Residing to their quarters and not daring speak a word as their supreme leader decimated and destroyed the ships interior, they heard his screams through the durasteel walls and they weren't modified by his mask.

They were raw and hoarse leaving his throat, ripping through his larynx and tearing at his voice box.

He cried. They didn't see him she'd his years but they all knew it, they could feel his rage, his conflict and his sadness. It rolled off of him in tidal waves and stabbed and manifested in their own cold dead hearts.

It was a pain they wouldn't wish any enemy to ensure.

He retired to his quarters and didn't return to the main body of the shuttle for the rest of the night, he plucked at vicrul's mind and commanded him to set a course back to the Finalizer.

He couldn't track Verena from the base of the planet or from the atmosphere, he'd have to go back to the main ship and set up heat signature tracking.

The climate was too cold and harsh to track her on foot, he'd do it quickly and efficiently.

He needed her back.

...

"General! General?"

Leia, Henri and Poe all turned around in sync.

They were currently meeting to discuss an effective distraction strategy, hacked transmissions had shown the First Order was planning to strike.

They'd let the attack come, they were prepared and while their enemies are too preoccupied with trying to destroy them they'd pluck their fallen soldier right out from behind their barricaded walls.

They'd finally have her back.

Finn burst into the room, a sheen of thin sweat covering his forehead and brow, his chest heaved with overexertion and he struggle to scramble his words together.

"We...we-I think.."

He heaved.

"Spit it out trooper!"

Henri spat. He'd been on edge ever since he'd lost his sister, lashing out and unable to eat,sleep or breath without feeling the pain of his loss.

Poe placed a comforting hand on his silver haired companions shoulder, grounding him and instantly soothing his rabid temper.

"She's been spotted. Alone."

Leia eyes perked up as did Henri's, they didn't need elaboration on that part. They knew exactly who he was referring to. Henri felt his heart lift and his mind soar, she was okay, or at least not dead.

She'd gotten away from the First Order.

She was coming home to him.

"Where?"

Leia queried.

"Hoth."

Fin let out in a shaky breath.

Henri felt his chest tighten at the mention of his home planet, it had been so long since he'd ventured onto icy planes of the snow covered rock.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd set his foot on the crisp-soft snow, it had been too long, but it wasn't something he vowed to do again.

He had too many rotten memories of that planet, the death of his parents, the cold hungry nights, taking care of his younger sister when she got so sick he was afraid he'd lose her too. He didn't want to relive any of that, he wanted to bury it deep down and forget his life before the resistance.

This was his home now, these people were his family. He'd risk life and limb to see them safe another day, because that's what it means to be a fighter.

...

A little door. A tiny little splintered wood door, sat idly all alone with nothing but rock and earth stone hidden behind it. It's was hiding something, Verena could feel it. She could feel the pull to whatever was behind the little door, it was abandoned and shabby, she could see that much, but she felt warmth on the other side of it. Not the warmth that would thaw out her icicle fingers but the distant warmth that held sentiment and churned her insides in the loveliest way possible, something familiar was behind this tiny door and she needed to find it.

The door was nestled in a Rocky Mountain side, crumbled with age and fallen sheets of ice decorated it's face. The door was wedged between two stone like torrents that were there for the sole purpose to keep the door way structure intact, from afar the door couldn't be seen to the naked eye. Verena had only stumbled across the old thing out of pure luck, she'd tried to clamber along the mountain side to shield herself from the onslaught of snow but to no avail, that's when she sat it. Wood standing out stark against the dull grey texture of the mountain rock.

She pondered for a few long moments before she finally bought up a shaky hand, fingers trembling when they wrapped around the cold metal latch. She closed her eye and let one peep open when the door latch gave in, swinging inside with the help of the gushing wind. She took one last glance behind her, ensuring she wasn't being followed before she stepped in.

She squealed when the door slammed shut harshly behind her, leaving her in complete pitch black darkness. She fumbled for her belt and ignited her saber, blinding violet light climbing the walls and illuminating the expanse of the room. It hummed with life as she moved through the wide room, it was cold and damp, basic necessities and a small clamber of tiny beds in the far corner. The table was carved into the floor and was the same stone that covered the walls and rest of the room, there were withered scrolls strung to the walls and overflowing from a desk on the wall to her left. It looked ransacked, she wasn't surprised, looters and scavengers had taken their pick and been well on their way.

Verena kept her saber gripped tight between her thawing fingers and she blindly fumbled around the room, her digits grazed exactly what she was looking for. The small oil lamp flickered for life and she praised herself and hoped it had enough elixir left in it for the night, she extinguished her lightsaber and strapped it back to her hip, pulling her cloak closer around herself as she continued to search the room.

Her fingers skimmed the ice cold walls as she moved past them, letting them feel over the changing textures of the ancient texts strewn across the walls.

It looked like it had been a humble little home once upon a time years ago, it was all open with no walls separating the different rooms. The small beds looked suitable for children, pushed together to form a double of sorts. Another bigger bed was sat against the other wall opposite beside the desk, small balls and toys carved from wood were littered across the floor and small drawing were pinned abound the smaller beds. It felt warm, too warm.

Curiosity was over taking Verena's thoughts, her cornflower blue eyes trailed over to the desk and her feet followed, knees still trembling from the cold as she stumbled over.

She ripped open one of the drawers and she piled it's entire contents onto the top of the stone appendage, she sifted through what felt like hundred of texts and scrolls and documents. Nothing caught her eye, until she felt her heart jump into her throat.

She held the soiled parchment between shaking fingers, not wanting to believe what she was seeing.

It was a sketch of a lightsaber. Her lightsaber.

Her father's lightsaber.

She jumped back when her wide blue eyes took in every detail of it, from the ridges of the hilt to the very kyber krystal that sat wedged inside of it's rightful hold.

She didn't register the tears welling in her eyes when her hands grappled for the very same saber strapped to her hip. She held it so tight in both her hands she wasn't sure how it didn't shatter.

This was her father's desk. Those were Henri's toys, this was her home. This was what was left of her family, left to rot beneath the rock's core inside of a mountain. It had been looted and pillaged and yet she couldn't help but find it so familiar, her memories flooded back to her.

Henri pushing their beds together so they could huddle tight beneath the covers because she was scared of the howling winds outside, her mother cooking so sort of hot broth over the open stove as she smiled watching her child born play with wooden trinkets their father had carved for them.

She remembers her father hunched over that desk vividly, he was always stressing over those scrolls. He'd stay up to ungodly hours and venture out into the whipping winds of Hoth's nighttime surface.

Mother would always distract her and her brother, making up some elaborate story of how important their father's work was, of course they were too young to ask questions. They didn't know any better.

Salty tears spilled down her cheeks and she let her lungs hiccup with swallowed cries, everything she had built up around her was crumbling.

Her family was gone, Kylo was just as haunting as she'd heard in the stories, the resistance wouldn't take her back. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to go back, she was being torn in half.

She didn't want to fight for the resistance or the first order. She wanted to fight for herself.

Her head jolted and she spun around as she heard the faint scruff of boots, violet hued lightsaber ignited and poised to strike.

Her eyes widened.

"Kylo."

She whispered. As if not believing herself.

There he was. Just stood there, looking at her intently as confusion ran through his eyes.

His eyes scanned her surrounding as if trying to work out where she was.

"Where are you?"

He growled. Sharpened flint irises stabbing straight through her.

She furrowed her brow and extinguished her saber as she tiptoed forward, she drew closer and closer to him but he didn't move, didn't back away or flinch at her touch. She reached out her palm and moved to push his chest but nothing happened, he was a ghost, a phantom.

Still haunting her without being here.

"How are you doing that?"

She asked in a hush.

"This isn't me."

He corrected.

She scowled at him and turned on her heel, moving over to the desk and keeping her back towards him as she busied herself with the sketch.

"I asked you a question. Where are you?"

He snapped.

She took in a deep breath but didn't answer him, his boots scuffed the stone floor as he came closer and closer towards her. She could almost feel the warmth of his breath against her neck and the heat from his body pressed against her back. She saw the side of his face through her peripherals as he stood just shy of her shoulder.

"How did you find me?"

She mumbled.

"I didn't."

He quipped.

Her stare hardened as she moved away and shuffled towards the table, putting more and more space between her self and Kylo's apparition.

"Can you see my surroundings?"

He asked.

"I'll kill you for what you did."

She snarled.

"I can't see yours."

He commented at the same time as she spoke.

His eyes were glued to the floor and his fists were clenched tightly by his sides, she could tell he wanted to say something. Yet he wouldn't let it erupt from his chest, sympathy wasn't in his nature and she doubted he was about to start that now. He didn't feel mercy or empathy for her brother, he was nothing more then a bug beneath his boot.

"I will never be your equal."

She let out after a moment of hard silence.

"Because I will always be above you. I have been since the moment we felt each other, you're a little boy seeking something he'll never find. Someone to love him the way he wasn't as a child, I've seen it. I've felt it inside you, this conflict, it's torturing you."

She didn't need to look at him to see the anger swirling in his eyes, even though he wasn't really here she could feel it fall off of him and drown him at his feet. He'd let it swallow and consume him if he could.

"You seek to forget we are the same little one. What you feel inside me is a direct reflection of your own soul, we are two halves of the same whole bound by a destiny that is already laid out for us.

We must take it."

He whispered.

Her fingernails dug into the skin of her palms harshly as she tried to hold it together, she was angry and frustrated.

"You killed my brother, you killed your own father. Not to mention the thousands of other lives you've destroyed and pillaged for your own gain.

We are not the same. And I'm not going back to the First Order, or to you."

She stated cooly. Trying to feign any anguish that seeped through the cracks.

Kylo's glare hardened and his nostrils flared, clearly triggered by the mention of his father. She'd been with him for weeks now and she was yet to bring any of his wrong doings up in this light. It pissed him off to no end.

"I did what had to be done. I let the past die and I benefited from it, you would too if you weren't so afraid. You tell me you're afraid to let go but you're not, you're afraid you won't be able to stop it.

You're afraid people will see you as they see me."

He stated coldly. Tone full of anything but care.

"You're wrong."

She hissed.

"You also forget that I'm in your head. I'm never wrong when it comes to you."

"Get the fuck out of my head."

She growled.

He frame stiffened and he didn't move his position from across the room.

Anger pulsed in Verena's veins and she wanted the floor to swallow her up, she didn't want to fight this battle anymore.

"Did you ever feel anything for me?"

She whispered.

More tears swelled in her eyes and she still couldn't bring herself to look at him, she didn't even know if she wanted to hear his response.

"Or was I just a tiny piece in your elaborate plan?"

She asked with a dull tone. Voice cracking ever so slightly.

"It was never meant to go this way."

He grumbled.

"You mean I was never meant to find out you murdered my brother?"

She snapped.

"I didn't kill him."

He corrected.

"Same fucking difference asshole."

She seethed through clenched teeth.

His eyes softened and he let his eyes drift around her surroundings slightly.

"You're not doing this. The effort would kill you."

His wandering eyes didn't catch her as she moved forward, a hefty clay pot launching from her hands and hitting him square in the chest.

His eyes snapped and his surroundings returned, back in his quarters, shards of moulded clay scattered across the steel floor. His chest felt heavy and his vision darted all around, he couldn't see her anymore.

Verena's chest rose and fell rapidly as she was still poised to strike, but he was gone, dragging air filtered through her lips as she tried to steady her intakes. She searched the floor in the dim light but there were no sighs of the clay bowl either, whatever this was it wasn't either of them doing it. Something here didn't make sense, but she didn't exactly care, she didn't want to be reminded of his face or see him again. She was done with the First Order and she was done with Kylo Ren.

She vowed it.

She let her breathing steady and busied herself with anything that would take her mind away from her haunting predicament, the fire place wasn't exactly in great condition but she tried to light it anyway. She sifted through her father's scrolls and found some plain ones that simply held random numbers and scribbles. She stoked the fire and used her saber to ignite it further, slowly but surely a small flame cane to life and grew. She could feel the warmth of it beginning to bounce off the stone and warm the floor beneath her boots.

Once she was happy with the fire she carried the biggest bundle of scrolls and parchment she could, hauling them across the room and dumping them on one of the mattresses. She settled in and at least tried to comfy herself, it was hard. Alone in her old childhood home, sat in her brother's bed and reading through all of her father's old texts.

She'd never felt more lonely in all her life and she began to regret her old outlook on the galaxy, Henri was right, she really did have everything. Leia cared deeply for her and only wanted her to be happy, she had her brother by her side and she always took him for granted. The people around her still loved her no matter how brash and violent she was, that was simply her nature, they didn't care and they simply wanted her to be the best she could be.

She threw it all away because she was selfish. She got sucked into Kylo's games and she'd lost so much because of it, her brother, Leia's confidence and the entire respect of the resistance. All those years she'd felt like an outcast and now she really was one, she's alone and trapped in her own measly existence with no escape.

Despite not being able to understand some of the writings she studied then regardless, letting her finger tips ghost the intent of her fathers ink pen. His handwriting reminded her of Kylo's but she willed that thought away, she didn't have room in her head for him anymore.

The texts were matched with different sketches, of different ships and droids, another one of a different saber and what looked to be a prototype of some sort of blaster. She had no idea her father had such a keen interest in manufacturing and engineering such objects, she guessed that explained her brother's busy brain.

Her hands fumbled and swapped the pile of parchment for another scroll, it was wrapped tightly with waxy string and an emblem of some sort, again something she couldn't quite recognise but felt so familiar to her. She unraveled it tenderly and her entire nervous system shut down.

It was her mother. A gorgeous pencil line sketch that caught her in such a beautiful light, her bright eyes and her luxurious hair. Kind softened features and breathtaking pearly smile. Her robes looked like a silken gown and they hugged her slim frame perfectly as she was sat perched on the very bench sat under the stone table. She was a sight for sore eyes, despite never meeting her mother she had seen pictures Henri kept in his jacket pocket up until his late teens. He had one of their father too and he kept them close to his heart at all times, her heart broke for her brother when she saw him gazing at the crumpled pictures. She would never know what it was truly like to miss them, she was so young when they were lost. She didn't know what she'd do if she had been in her brother's shoes.

A single tear rolled down over her cheek as she settled into the cobwebbed mattress, it was musky and old but she didn't care. This was the closest she'd get to her family until they were reunited again.

She fell into a deep dreamless sleep that night. Hugging her mother's portrait close to her chest with the faint smell of her brother's pillows drifting into her nose and a ghost of a sad smile on her face.

Until we're reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More garbage 🥴


	21. Stay Away

Her bleary eyes cracked open. Chilly cold settling into the marrow of her bones and causing her to shiver herself awake, the damp stone didn't do well with keeping the frozen climate out.

The picture beside her crumpled as she sat up in the small bed, a strained yawn blowing past her lips as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

The bed creaked as she stepped off of it, walking through the shallow stone structure and coming to a pause in the low set kitchen space.

This place had been abandoned for too many years to count, the cracked whispering walls seeped with water droplets and the cold aura shrouded the place in a chilly air. Yet it was comforting to Verena. Knowing that it was once inhabited by the very people that cradled her into the world was a warm sensation despite the frigid weather, the remnants of her lost family were kept more or less untouched in this little stone tomb. She couldn't help but feel that she stumbled upon this place for a reason, like it was desyiny guiding her this far.

Her thoughts trailed back to Kylo. The look on his face last night had been a stark reminder that he still felt something, they were connected as one, she felt it too. But she swallowed it down, she had to, she couldn't keep herself hung up on the man that had taken her last living blood relative away.

Verena's cold fingers trembled as she reached for the small kettle sat on the kitchens edge, she let out a relieved sigh when the tap still supplied water, albeit it barely trickled but it was still there. Once the kettle filled she set it to boil, little pot whistling away when it was finished. She found a small ceramic cup in one of the broken cupboards, filling it up with the boiled water and letting her little fingers wrap around the cup to warm them up.

The taste was dull and nonexistent but at least it warmed her stomach, a spreading heat blossoming in her insides.

She moved back over to the bed and set down her cup, retrieving the portrait of her mother, she folded it up neat and small to stuff it into her pocket. Her clothes were soiled but she didn't have the luxury of changing them, she'd lost that privilege when she'd run from Kylo. She'd do again in a heartbeat, no amount of fancy clothes and luxurious food would make up for Kylo's wrong doings.

As much as Verena wanted to stay in her childhood home she knew she needed to keep moving, before he or anyone else turned up for her head. She needed to keep on going, to wear, she didn't know. But she knew she couldn't stay on Hoth much longer either, eventually their bond would lead Kylo straight to her. 

She polished off the rest of the warmed liquid and moved over to her father's old desk, she shuffled through for anything that caught her eyes. That same piece of parchment with the mechanics of her heirloom lightsaber stuck out like a sore thumb, she took that too, folding it and stuffing it in the same pocket as her mother's picture.

Her lightsaber was cinched in it's respective holster and she made her way to the door, taking once last glance at the place over her shoulder and committing it into the very fibres of her brain. She'd take this fleeting glance of her childhood home to the grave. Her hand twisted the door handle and she was immediately swept up in a cold blistering wind, the force of it almost knocked her off her feet. She pulled the hood of her robe over her head to shield her face from the tough climate, stepping out and shutting the rickety off door behind her. Her feet carried her away from her old home, each step feeling like a stake of wood through her weak little heart. Pained tears swirled in her eyes but she blinked them away, trying her best to keep her legs from giving way beneath her.

Her boots leaked with the melting snow and bit her toes frozen, her eyes were streaming with the onslaught of wind and her chest felt shallow and pained in her chest. If she kept moving she'd be numb to all of it eventually, she lose the feelings altogether. Like a shell of what and who she once was, now nothing more then just a torn brain in a mindless body.

Her chest ached for Kylo. For Ben. She didn't want to feel so torn anymore, she thought that when he'd fount her she was home. She'd never felt that way in all her life, she was so ready to give him everything. The only shred of doubt she had was down to her brother, he was gone forever, because of Kylo. She hadn't cared about who else he'd killed to get to where he was, she was willing to join him and do the same if it meant their ideals were matched. She simply wanted to belong, and she'd do whatever she needed to to earn that. Henri was innocent, he was simply just trying to save his sister, his last living relative from the clutches of supreme leader.

He was dead. Because of Kylo.

She'd never forgive him for that. Not now. Not ever.

...

The snow crumpled beneath her feet as she trudged through it's deep litter, it felt like she'd been walking for hours, perhaps she had. She couldn't tell anymore, mind and body both numb to her surroundings.

Her saber felt heavy on her hip but her heart in her chest felt heavier.

Her tired eyes spotted an outpost on the edge of a clearing, a port for travellers, smugglers and bounty hunters alike. She remembers it vividly, it's the same port she'd been taken to when she was rescued by the resistance all those years ago. The day she finally left Hoth behind, and the day she cut her ties to her family home.

More time passed and she made it past the clearing, tired limbs stumbling upon the traders outpost. She kept the dark robe close to her body and covering her face, hood barely giving her an inches sight in front of her. She just had to stay hidden for a little longer while she worked out how to get off this kriffing planet. Then she didn't care who saw her, not a soul would know her anyways.

Her eyes found an old station vehicle, the type you could pay the pilot to drop you off on the next planet. Perfect she thought. She'd trade her way to a location a few planets away and reside there until she perished or until she was killed, either would do.

She boots hit the metal flooring and then her world span, neck craned backwards and her spine collided with the dura-steel floor she just stood upon.

The hood was ripped from her head and some of her hair got caught with it, the pain in her back was overwhelming and she couldn't protest to the lack of air in her lungs.

A large body was straddling her waist. Keeping her body pinned under theirs while she tried to grasp her bearings again. Her eyes glared open and then widened, the true disbelief of having her own eyes staring intently back down at her. Stray droplets of tears fell onto her cheeks from the eyes of the person above her, a smile of relief and disbelief etched onto his face.

"Henri?"

Her voice was hushed croak.

"Thank the fucking stars I've found you!"

Henri's voice was far too loud. Other humanoids and creatures turned to look at the pair with disapproving stares, shaking their heads and continuing on their way.

Henri pulled her up to a sitting position by the front of her robe, squeezing her in a spine cracking hold as he practically wept into the material covering her shoulder. She didn't hesitate to hug him back, relief and sorrow washing over her in waves as she gripped him tighter. Hoping this wasn't her plagued mind playing awful cruel tricks on her.

"How did you find me?"

She queried lowly. Eyeing her surroundings as if she'd find the other half of her looming in a dark corner.

"That doesn't matter right now! Quick! We need to get our asses out of here."

He hissed lowly. Following his sisters actions and taking in the creatures surrounding the two of them.

"Henri look...I can't...I can't go with you."

She whispered. Eyes downcast as she waited to her ear chewed off by her big brother.

"I know."

"What?"

"I know Ve...I'm not here to take you back to base."

He stated. Not a hint of trickery in his tone.

"Then where?"

Her eyes were blown wide in disbelief, not fathoming what her brother was saying to her.

"I'm under strict orders from Leia. She knows where you have to go, even if you don't."

Verena furrowed her brow and met her brothers wide cerulean eyes, he looked at ease and truly happy that he'd found his dear little sister. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a look like that on his face, it must have been years.

She still didn't understand. She was sure Leia wanted nothing to do with her after what she did and the way she acted, now she was sending her somewhere. Her brain felt she foggy and she couldn't wrap her head around it, her brother could see the confusion in her eyes and his face softened even further.

Henri stood for his full lanky-towering height. Stepping away and holding down his hand for his sister to take.

"Come on Ve-ve."

....

Kylo's mind was too loud.

His own voice blistered his ears but his mouth was shut, jaw set tight and ticking with the passing of time. It was his thoughts that were drowning him, blaring white noise at the forefront of his mind that gnawed at his brain.

All he could think about was her. In every sense of the word, he needed her. He felt safe and himself.

He felt like Ben Solo again.

He'd never tell that to a soul. He barely let himself feel it but it was there, sat in his chest and growing into a lump in his throat. It pained him.

His whole past coming back at him like a vast tidal wave cresting and crashing through him.

Washing away the alias that was Kylo Ren.

He hadn't been himself since Hoth. He refused to go back to the Finalizer without Verena, he sent the knights back and kept his shuttle adrift in the atmosphere. He thought that space would give him the peace and quiet he needed to find himself, but it was so much louder. Deafening even.

His future was becoming clearer and clearer. Like a fog dissipating and surrendering the sun to shine on the lush greenery once again, the grey smog in his kind was lifting. He felt it.

He sat reclined in his chair, it creaked as he craned his neck towards the durasteel ceiling, two big leather clad hands dragging over his eyes and down his face. He let out a disgruntled sigh.

Well and truly torn. A man becoming unhinged.

He felt the anger brewing away beneath his veins, that same simmering sensation he'd felt more then a hundred times before. His fists felt taught beneath the creak of leather sounding in his ear drums, veins protruding out of his forehead and neck.

He needed to release this anguish. It was brewing and bubbling at the very brink of his existence just waiting to be unleashed, his dark eyes hardened and he saw red.

Kylo limbs exploded. Fists crashing against control panels and booted feet flying out to kick the durasteel walls. His voice was a guttural scream in his throat, vibrating and echoing around the confinements of the command shuttle's walls. He felt angry tears singe his eyes and his fists were numb to the pain of his fractured and cracked knuckles, his shins burnt but he didn't care. He didn't let the pain hold a candle to the pain that was tearing apart his chest, the very life organ keeping him alive was withering away.

His big wide chest heaved and his plump lips struggled to intake the oxygen flying past them.

He was broken.

He fell to his knees when a sharp pain stabbed him straight in the chest, his gloved fingers grappled at the spot as he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. It was a burning pain that ate away at his skin from the inside out, like something was trying to crawl out of the space beneath his sternum.

His hands found his scalp as he broke down, sobs strangling his throat as he didn't even try to keep them contained anymore. His cries echoed in his ears but his entire body felt too numb to care.

"Hey kid."

Kylo jolted. Body jerking at the sound of that all too familiar voice stabbing at his senses.

His eyes met with the haunting hazel brown hues that matched his own.

"I miss you son."

Han's voice was a soothing drawl to his son's ears.

"Your son is dead."

Kylo snapped.

"No."

Han stepped forward. Little to no space keeping his from Kylo knelt on the floor.

"Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive."

He cooed.

"You're just a memory."

Kylo's lip trembled and his eyes threatened to spill over once more.

"Your memory."

The two stared at each other for a moment before Kylo crawled to his knees, body reaching and growing to his towering height to meet his father's eyes.

"Come home."

Han told. Voice as soft as silk.

"It's too late. The girls gone."

Kylo's voice croaked. Breaking and showing his weakness to his Dad.

"The girl may be gone. But what she fights for and what she believe still stands, it's the very thing you wish you could match."

Kylo considered his father. Words settling to the very cells in his blood, as much as he wanted to fight it, his father was right. He wanted nothing more then to leave the first order behind, when he looked into those deep blue eyes of hers he saw himself reflected back. They wanted to belong to something, they wanted a purpose that was something even they couldn't understand. They didn't want to fight for the Resistance or The First Order, they wanted to fight for themselves. Keep themselves afloat and lived comfortably and leave this war behind, the very war that he started.

"I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."

Kylo's voice wavered once more.

Han stepped closer. Not hesitating when he took his son's cheek in his palm, thumb brushing against the angle of his face.

"You do."

Kylo's dark hazel eyes widened. His lip wobbled and his eyes leaked his contained tears, face flushed red with his dark chocolate locks sticking to the perspiration on his wet forehead.

"Dad."

Kylo tried to console his father. Apologise for everything he'd every done wrong, he knew pathetic apologies would do nothing to clean the never ending blood from his hands but he didn't know what else to say to him.

"I know."

Kylo eyes softened. His calcified heart ached in his empty chest and throbbed with life. He didn't hesitate to turn, pulling the saber from his belt and throwing it to the steel floor. It chipped but the would sate him, the heel of his boot connected with it over and over again. Metal splintered and parts flew across the floor, breaking apart his weapon piece by piece. Killing his last tie to Kylo Ren.

With one last grunt his work was done, saber completely broken apart and scattered around the shuttle. His heavy chest in-took shallow breathes and he wet his lips, when he turned back towards his father he was gone. The last fleeting memory he had of his father, Han Solo, flittering away with his image.

____________________________________

𝙷𝚒 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜! :)

𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙸'𝚍 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚌.

𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚠...𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚈 𝙸 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚞𝚗𝚙𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝙸 𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌. 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚊𝚕𝚕 3 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝.

𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚒𝚝, 𝚊𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙸 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚋𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍...

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗...

𝙰 𝚋𝚒𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 : )

𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚡


End file.
